When I work with clients who seek validation in coaching sessions, it’s essential to help them build self-confidence by setting achievable goals and focusing on their strengths. I start by identifying small, realistic goals that align with their abilities and values, which can be achieved in manageable steps. Celebrating these incremental successes reinforces their ability to accomplish goals independently. I also emphasize their unique strengths by encouraging them to recognize and reflect on past achievements, skills, or qualities that have helped them succeed. By shifting the focus from external validation to personal growth, my clients can gradually develop a stronger, more resilient sense of self-confidence.

The need for external validation is not fixed by a one-size-fits-all approach. Too many times therapists have a patient goal in mind and then direct the patient to that therapist’s idea of what is needed or the causality of the need for external validation. By asking the patient what determines their need we might discover it might be from a childhood trauma, negative self talk, or a repetitive circumstance or something completely different from these suggestions. The answer to the question is to allow the patient or client the freedom to determine what and when this need first presented itself as a defense mechanism, or habit. Once the therapist understands the situation then the patient can be guided to finding a suitable remedy.

encourage them to recognize and celebrate their achievements, however small. Use reflective questioning to help them see their strengths and potential. Introduce self-assessment exercises, guiding them to rely on internal measures rather than external praise. Gradually, they’ll build a sense of self-confidence rooted in their own abilities.

When clients come in craving validation, I help them turn that need inward. We dig into their wins—big or small—and highlight what makes them tick. It’s about shifting the focus from “Do others think I’m good?” to “I know I’m good.” We reframe their achievements and strengths until they start seeing the powerhouse within. Bit by bit, they stop looking for that external nod and start trusting their own value. The goal? Get them to realize they don’t need someone else to say they’re capable—they’ve got the proof right there in their own story.