Dealing with a client's power play in therapy. Can you maintain boundaries without losing empathy?

My motto when working with perpetrators in the social sector is always: Set boundaries - lend a hand. This means that setting boundaries should not lead to injury or a termination of care. After a cooling-off period, the client is given the opportunity to continue the consultation or treatment while adhering to the agreed rules and with mutual respect. This is particularly important because most clients have experienced that their boundary-crossing behavior leads to relationship breakdowns - making it much more difficult for them to engage in trusting relationships.

This article can be most beneficial to new social workers as each case can present new challenges for our social work values, ethics, and safe boundaries. In my experience, during first session, citing areas of confidentiality while sharing HI/SI limitations and also the fact that there may be others on a team (in some settings) that need to share limited information for their treatment. Over time, we must remain compassionate, when our client may step over-- then we felt we overshared. Social workers, be sure to have an intentional purpose for self-sharing that you think benefits the client-- Also, do not be too hard on yourself and mistakes in boundaries happen-- next steps supervision or consultation with a peer- all is not lost.

Dealing with a client's power play in therapy requires a delicate balance of maintaining boundaries while still showing empathy. An empathetic response involves actively listening to the client and genuinely understanding their perspective. By reflecting on what you hear and offering compassion for their experience, you can validate their feelings without conceding to their demands or blurring the necessary boundaries. Demonstrating that their feelings are listened to and valued can reduce the need for power struggles and foster a more open and constructive exchange.

I am often asked how to react when clients cry. First of all, in professional settings you shouldn't automatically cry along to show empathy (although it may well be that the reasons for the client's emotions also affect me - then I would also address it and allow it as far as possible). I always encourage clients to allow their feelings. This usually leads to two possible reactions: If the emotion was not faked for reasons of power or tactics, it creates relief for the person in question and supports the trusting relationship. If it was calculated, the crying is usually stopped if the desired effect does not occur on the other person.

Unfortunately, avoiding confrontational language is a credo that is often followed in therapeutic or social work settings. Why unfortunately? Of course, confrontation should not be the first choice. However, there are situations where a confrontational intervention can reveal boundary violations - which can be important for the emotional access and further development of clients. I find it difficult to understand that this is often automatically seen as disrespectful. You can also work confrontational with respectful words.