You've got a lot of nerve. Or maybe not?

“You need a certain amount of nerve to be a writer,” the novelist Margaret Atwood once said. To which I would reply, “For God’s sake, you need a certain amount of nerve to be anything in this world of ours.”

Like, say, be a person who pursues – and lives — their purpose.

That takes nerve, and lots of it.

Too bad, then, that we rarely talk about what nerve really means, or when we do talk about it, that we simply roll it up with “guts” or “grit.”?

Don’t get me wrong. Gut and grit are terrific. No shade. Love them.

But as directives go, they are so…vague.?

That’s why when I teach my Becoming You students at 美国纽约大学 - 斯特恩商学院 , I very specifically define Nerve as the sum total of three real-life, actionable behaviors.

Mental stamina, the ability to stay the course, emotionally and intellectually, even when that course is bumpy, rutted, and uncharted;

Radical candor, the ability to speak the truth, especially your truth, in lovingkindness, and;??

Proactive edge, the ability to get out of your own way and make yes or no decisions.

Oh, how rare these traits are together in one person! But when that happens, you see the power of Nerve to keep you going when the going is, well, not really going, to help you powerfully yet tenderly explain and defend your life choices, and to act decisively and assuredly amidst monster-sized ambiguity.?

I think I was in my 50s when I had finally been knocked down and gotten up enough times to have earned my own little reservoir of Nerve to draw upon. But once I had it, my purpose became possible.?

I was done with giving up; my stamina became my perseverance.

I was ready to speak my truth; my candor gave the narrative.

I was over waiting; my edge led the way.

And my friends, here we are. At last.

Now look, I have to tell you something.??

Nerve is not a silver bullet. Of course it isn’t. Because how could any single trait rescue your life for you?

But here’s some good news. I think four traits can, or at least, together they can go a long way. Along with Nerve, I call those traits Soundness, Elasticity, and Wonderment. If you’d like to know about them all, more good news, my whole podcast this week is about what they mean, how they show up, how to get more of them into you.?

And best of all, I explore them in conversation with Ellen Gendler , whom I dragged into the pod studio because a) she’s sassy and wise and an old friend of mine, b) she’s world-renowned in her profession and scary-smart in a good way, and c) she is Nerve, Soundness, Elasticity, and Wonderment all wrapped up in one person in living color.?

She also has opinions. Possibly even more than I do! And we don’t always agree.

But one thing we do agree upon is that you need Nerve to be anything in this world, especially and forever, to be what you deserve to be most of all.

You.

PS: The term “radical candor” is not mine! It was coined by Kim Scott , the Silicon Valley tech executive, coach, and author. She’s da bomb.

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