You're in a heated argument with your boss. How can you keep your cool and resolve the conflict?

1 Acknowledge your feelings

The first step to managing a conflict is to recognize and accept your own emotions. Don't try to suppress or deny them, as they will only build up and explode later. Instead, acknowledge them and label them, such as "I feel angry", "I feel hurt", or "I feel frustrated". This will help you calm down and gain some perspective. It will also help you avoid personalizing the conflict or making assumptions about your boss's intentions.

2 Listen actively

The second step to resolving a conflict is to listen to what your boss has to say, even if you disagree or feel attacked. Listening actively means paying attention to their words, tone, body language, and emotions, and showing that you are interested and engaged. You can do this by nodding, making eye contact, paraphrasing, asking questions, and avoiding interruptions or distractions. Listening actively will help you understand your boss's point of view, their needs, and their expectations.

3 Express yourself respectfully

The third step to resolving a conflict is to express your own point of view, your needs, and your expectations in a respectful and constructive way. Don't raise your voice, use harsh words, or make accusations or threats. Instead, use "I" statements, such as "I feel", "I need", or "I expect", to communicate how the situation affects you and what you want to achieve. Also, focus on the facts, the behaviors, and the outcomes, rather than the personalities, the motives, or the blame.

4 Seek common ground

The fourth step to resolving a conflict is to look for areas of agreement, cooperation, and compromise with your boss. Don't get stuck on your position or insist on being right. Instead, try to understand the underlying interests and values that both of you share, and how you can align them with the goals and objectives of the organization. Also, be willing to make concessions, offer alternatives, and suggest solutions that benefit both parties.

5 Follow up and follow through

The fifth step to resolving a conflict is to follow up and follow through on the agreement or action plan that you and your boss have reached. Don't leave the conflict unresolved or let it fester. Instead, confirm the details and expectations of the agreement, document it in writing, and monitor its progress and results. Also, follow through on your commitments, deliver on your promises, and report on your achievements. This will help you build trust, credibility, and rapport with your boss.

6 Learn and grow

The sixth and final step to resolving a conflict is to learn and grow from the experience. Don't dwell on the negative aspects or hold grudges. Instead, reflect on what you did well, what you could have done better, and what you can do differently in the future. Also, appreciate the positive outcomes and the opportunities that the conflict created, such as improved communication, stronger relationship, or enhanced performance. And most importantly, celebrate your success and thank your boss for their collaboration and support.

7 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?