I’d defuse tension with a key stakeholder by focusing on transparency, active listening, and shared goals. I’d start by acknowledging their concerns to show that their input is valued, listening actively to understand the root of their frustrations. I’d maintain transparency about any constraints or challenges we face, explaining why timelines or features may be complex. Refocusing on shared goals like project success helps remind everyone we’re on the same team. Instead of sticking to fixed plans, I’d propose alternative solutions and involve the stakeholder in finding the best path forward. This collaborative stance fosters a positive dialogue and builds trust, keeping the project on track.

PPP - Pause, Plan, Perspective. Take a moment to pause. This doesn’t mean abandoning the conversation but rather allowing yourself and the stakeholder to take a breath. When emotions are high, a brief pause will prevent impulsive reactions that can worsen the situation. If things are heated and tense, you need a plan for moving forward. Push for more open communication with questions that clarify positions - e.g. ‘let’s share our primary objectives so we can see where our interests overlap’. Enable a shift from adversarial to cooperative. Finally, gain perspective. What does the situation look like from the other persons point of view? What is the bigger picture? Badly managed conflict can quickly escalate to a dispute. Be intentional.

There can be a natural tendency to match or exceed the heat of another stakeholder, which can damage your own credibility. It requires intentionality and focus on your goal of finding a joint solution. Measured breathing, silent prayer, softened facial expressions, and relaxed posture can help you stay centered and send the unspoken message that you're not the stakeholder's enemy. Of course, you must also remind yourself that they are not YOUR adversary. Consider, and even ask genuinely, what is motivating the passionate advocacy of their proposal.