You're facilitating a difficult meeting. How can you keep the conversation productive?

My favorite go to strategies come from the groudbreaki g work done by Jennifer Garvey Berger and her colleagues on Complexity. Shift the questions you ask from the typical questions like (what’s the problem, who’s to blame, what are the causes, what have we done to fix it) to questions more suited to the complex world we are navigating (what’s our overall intention/purpose here, what can we learn from this, what are the possibilities, what is the smallest step we can take to move in the right direction.

We open many of our interventions with a quote from Rumi. He said "Beyond right and wrong is a garden. I will meet you there." We invite the participants to take these words with them for this meeting and to keep this garden in mind when faced with challenging situations.

Making time to co-create clear communication guidelines with the group is essential. Everyone needs to agree to the guidelines that they have contributed to. If a meeting becomes challenging, there are solid expectations of how individuals will treat each other during the meeting e.g. respect, one person speaks at time etc.

When you lead a meeting as a facilitator or chairperson, it's essential to set guidelines for a smooth flow, fostering mutual respect, and, above all, ensuring efficiency to make the most of everyone's time. Establish these rules at the meeting's outset, right after welcoming participants and before delving into the agenda. Develop them collaboratively using these steps: 1. Present the rules that you believe are crucial for implementation. 2. Seek approval from participants and make adjustments if they propose changes. 3. Encourage suggestions for additional rules. 4. Secure approval from all participants. This approach will aid in gaining acceptance of the established rules, involving everyone in the decision-making process.

Depending on the exact circumstance, you may want to acknowledge that it's a difficult meeting in a respectful and neutral way, not assigning any blame. If you are sensing that something is off or that there is a disagreement others will be too - it can clear the air and lay the foundation for a productive conversation, stating the positive intent. I'm a big fan of applying Non-Violent Communication principles to de-escalate difficult conversations. It's also important that everyone feels included and can get their voice heard. Closing with "Is there anything we should have talked about that we didn't?" can be very helpful.

If the agenda items are phrased as a question it is very helpful. If the meeting drifts off, you can ask; 'What question are we answering now?' or 'What question to we need to be answering.' Questions help to create purpose and focus.

I go with the flow, which serves me well in certain situations; however, I go off the rails if I don't provide a clear agenda. Therefore, a clear agenda helps me be a much stronger facilitator because it allows for a framework I can play within and gives participants a clear sense of the subject matters we'll cover. Having this type of structure puts people at ease.

Providing a meeting structure through an agenda and time boundaries helps to create a sense of safety. And within this structure, a facilitator needs to be open to adapting to the needs of the group. For example, is there a topic that seems to be affecting people emotionally and which may need prioritisation, in order to free up people’s thinking and attention to then move on productively. A skilled facilitator might allow more time for this, without losing sight of the bigger picture and purpose of the gathering.

Having a clear agenda is essential for structured and safe conversations, acting as a roadmap to guide participants through the process. The facilitator's role is crucial in adhering to this agenda, as any deviation can cause participants to question the conversation's safety and management. Distributing the agenda in advance allows participants to prepare, contribute suggestions, and reduce unnecessary anxiety, fostering a more open and effective dialogue.

A survey of mid-level executives reveals that 71% find meetings unproductive and inefficient. This data reflects the need for driving meetings efficiently and effectively. Reviewing the need, frequency, and attendees of meetings as the organization and projects progress from one stage to another is critical. Organizers must be clear about what they aim to accomplish. Asking simple questions such as 'What is this meeting achieving?' and 'How will this meeting move the discussion forward?' can provide clarity. An effective meeting agenda serves as a valuable tool, inspiring productivity and instilling confidence in participants that their time is valued

Be more curious when you are in doubt and bump up against challenges. The more interested you remain, the more you learn about the other persons involved and what matters to them. When people feel this curiosity, they tend to let their guard down and be more engaged. The best way to do this is by asking open-ended questions.

As well as classic open-ended questions, I find David Grove's Clean Language questions can help the group explore what an individual actually means with their contribution to the discussion. The Clean Language questions replay one or two of the speaker's actual words. For example (where A and B are words used by one of the group members): And is there anything else about A? And what kind of A is that A? And is there a relationship between A and B? This can help the speaker to expand on their original point and then as a facilitator you can draw others in to comment constructively, share examples etc.

When we are stuck with negotiations, I would suggest some reality check on the possible options: What is the worst possible scenario for you, if we agree to these terms? How would you mitigate problems arising? It brings people out of the trench they're defending and back to look at the landscape.

- Master the art of open-ended questioning: Develop the skill to pose questions that prompt detailed responses and encourage thoughtful exploration. - Focus on depth and reflection: Craft questions that go beyond simple yes or no answers, aiming to elicit in-depth insights, feelings, and perspectives from participants. - Utilize diverse open-ended queries: Incorporate a variety of open-ended questions such as those addressing challenges, emotions, solutions, and evaluations to comprehensively explore different aspects of the discussion.

I've found that when asking open-ended questions as a facilitator, you need to be aware of your own reaction towards certain answers or insights. It's crucial you remain neutral and aware about how you're reaction affects the group as a whole. When you feel yourself reacting towards an insight, take a breathe, remind yourself of your role, jot it down and reflect on it after the discussion.

It is useful to let a meeting flow, its also important to know when to step in, that's the facilitator judgement...ask a question "how will this help us achieve the goal" Keeping the goal of the session front and centre in my experience helps keep meeting members on track.

One of the biggest tools at your disposal is interactivity and breaks. How do you gamify interactivity? How often are the group getting engaged? How do you switch the interactivity up depending on if the facilitation is virtual or in person? If they are unengaged, when was the last time they had a break? Remember that we are human and it's far too easy to overload and keep barging ahead with the content when people have stopped listening. To avoid that 'white noise' phase, ensure you have an opportunity to interact every 5-7 minutes, and appropriate breaks.

A whiteboard (either in-person or virtual). Everyone is looking at the whiteboard, rather than at each other and this can help to diffuse any tension in the room. Getting stuff down on to the whiteboard can help to look at the information impartially. I've found people often change their minds (even from entrenched positions) once they begin to see the data/ideas/challenges moving around on sticky-notes in front of them. My favourites are Mural for more organised and complex whiteboarding and Microsoft for more in-the-moment whiteboarding.

As a facilitator, envisioning oneself equipped with a tool belt is a powerful metaphor. Initially, this belt may hold only a few tools, but with experience, it expands and strengthens. Each tool represents a different skill or technique, readily accessible during the facilitation process. The art lies not just in having a diverse array of tools but in understanding the specific function and appropriate timing for each one. This knowledge allows for swift and effective responses to varying situations, as the right tool can be selected as the need arises. Continuous learning and adaptation add new tools to the belt, enhancing the facilitator's capability to guide discussions effectively.

For me, a few of the most important aspects of facilitating meetings, are to ensure that it is psychological safe environment, that everyone shares their input, and that everyone agrees with the outcome. In my experience a good facilitator uses proper tools that help provide these, such as Lego(R) Serious Play(R), as it facilitates almost any specific process step in a playful way, with an 'everyone plays' mindset, and with an eye on the 'ball' not on the 'player'.

The facilitator has immense power to diffuse and redirect conflict by translating the parties' points of view so both sides can understand and empathise with each other. Once everybody's on the same page, the facilitator can extrapolate the themes or concerns from each side and find solutions with the help of the entire group. It's an effective way to help depersonalise conflict and to empower the parties to approach their concerns objectively. After all, everybody wants an amicable solution, so make it 'us versus the problem' instead of 'you versus me'.

As a facilitator, you have control over the meeting. There will be clashing ideas. That is expected. It's fine. But you need to steer things from heating up too much and out of control. Enable a friendly discussion by being the person who will douse tempers when they become apparent. Acknowledge each idea but provide the direction of the discussion. Due to arguments, conversations may stray away from the focus of the meeting. Be resolute in making sure ideas are not drowned in a pool of egos instead of being simply laid down to be nurtured by other ideas.

Some facilitation processes like Plussing (Netflix uses it successfully) can help particular navigate such difficult meetings without heating up tempers. Plussing goes with a caveat that every time you disagree with someone you would do that by acknowledging their input and adding 'and'(Plussing)...example - "this may be an idea to consider and another one is ______"

I vividly remember a time when, during a management meeting, everyone else was preparing their own presentations while a manager was presenting. I was next to present, so I decided to address the disrespectful behavior. I prepared three posters with the following messages: "I'm not interested in your talk, let me prepare mine." "I already know what you're going to say, so I don't feel like listening." "I'm interested in your presentation, because I might learn something." I asked my team members to choose a poster and hold it up in front of their notebooks. The room fell silent. The message was clear. This behavior never happened again...I had risked conflict, yes, but for me a leader must exhibit the courage to address it head-on...

Whenever I enter a facilitation, I prefer to discuss the potential for conflict from the get-go. Doing so lets people know that it's inevitable and ok. Therefore, once conflict hits and people start to feel emotional, it gives them more permission to feel what's happening and share it.

A very important aspect is to celebrate the achievements. While doing this the win of a team has to be celebrated rather than an individual. This celebration should target the resolution arrived at and also should acknowledge the efforts made by each individual regardless of how they started off before the process got started

Anfang und Ende einer Besprechung bleiben im Ged?chtnis. Ich finde es wichtig, beides positiv zu gestalten, sowohl den Einstieg wie auch den Schluss. Gehen Teilnehmende mit dem guten Gefühl konstruktiv gearbeitet zu haben aus der Besprechung, sind sie motivierter für die n?chsten Schritte und zeigen mehr Engagement.

Celebrating achievements in conflict resolution is crucial for reinforcing positive behaviors within an organization. The adage "what gets recognized, gets repeated" holds true here. Acknowledging and celebrating the efforts and successes in managing conflicts encourages the cultivation of a healthy, conflict-resolving culture. When individuals see their efforts in navigating difficult conversations recognized, it not only validates their hard work but also sets a precedent for others to follow. In the absence of such recognition, the significant effort required for effective conflict management may be undervalued, hindering the development of this critical organizational skill.

When the conflict is resolved, it's essential to acknowledge the individual and collective effort that contributed to the outcome. Lessons learned from these successes are crucial for navigating future challenges. This cultivates teamwork and promotes a collaborative culture in the organisation.

Facilitate discovery around what people DO agree on, anchor there, and bring them back to center when necessary. Acknowledge the amount of courage it takes to have real, gritty, and difficult conversations. Name what you are seeing and celebrate what is going well. Pause when needed and don't underestimate a time out. Sometimes taking a break can be the energy shift people need. Finally, never forget that the discussion wouldn't be heated if people didn't care. Leverage that. Friction is a stronger catalyst to finding resolution than apathy.

I’m constantly asking myself “whose work is this” and “am I trying to do the groups work” if the group needs to conflict then that’s where they are and that’s the work they need to do

Having HOT Conversations to find a way through difficult topics is one of my favorite things to facilitate with a group. These conversations allow for group breakthroughs and a signifiant shift in the way people work together. The key is to make sure decisions are NOT made out of fear (don't want someone to be mad, don't want to hurt someone's feelings, don't want someone to be uncomfortable, etc...) but are made to honor a group that is honest, connected, and willing to figure things out together. We all know ...avoiding a topic doesn't make it go away, so getting comfortable facing issues head on is one of the most useful skills we can master.

As a facilitator, use tools/frameworks like paraphrasing, Non Violent Communication, and Crucial Conversations to help people express their needs, values, expectations, arrive at a common goal, and then brainstorm ways to achieve it.

Be flexible to accept the unexpected. Even the most well planned agendas are just ideas of how things should unfold. When they do not unfold that what don't become stuck to the script. Go back to the most essential element - purpose. What is the purpose of this gathering? Knowing the purpose is the GPS, the North Star, the destination - the where. The "how" the process can change to get you to your where. You don't what to be so fixated on losing control of the "how" that you never arrive at your "where."

Keeping a conversation productive as things become challenging is subjective in nature. Whereas you may feel that you had a productive meeting, another person may feel the opposite. It's important to remember that you can't please everyone, but you can do your best to understand everyone's unique position.