You're coaching clients dealing with past conflicts. How can you guide them to resolution?

Create a Safe Space: Start by establishing a safe and non-judgmental environment where clients feel comfortable expressing their feelings. Active Listening: Encourage clients to share their emotions related to the conflict. Listen actively, validating their feelings without immediately jumping to solutions. Empathy and Understanding: Reflect back what you hear to show understanding and empathy. Acknowledge that their emotions are valid and normal in the context of the conflict. Emotional Awareness: Help clients identify and label their emotions. Sometimes, articulating what they feel can help clarify the intensity and nature of their emotions.

One of the first steps to make progress from strong emotions to the path to be at peace with the past experience, is to acknowledge that the emotion was there for a reason and that the emotions serve a purpose. I would guide the individual into acknowledging what were the emotions their experience and to try and identify what that emotion was trying to protect them from, to teach them or remember them about (could be something good, bad or neutral). A great coach always guides individuals into true acknowledgement to make a lasting improvement into the next steps of understanding and overcoming a conflict.

Identify Triggers: Encourage clients to think about specific situations, words, or actions that trigger emotional responses related to the conflict. Explore Underlying Issues: Help clients delve deeper into why certain triggers affect them. This might involve exploring past experiences or beliefs that contribute to their reactions. Recognize Patterns: Work with clients to identify patterns in their responses to triggers. Understanding these patterns can empower them to anticipate and manage their reactions better. Reflect on Past Conflicts: Analyze past conflicts to find common triggers and reactions, which can provide insights into the client's conflict style.

By doing a great job in helping individuals understand their triggers we are equipping them for the future! This is something they can leverage in the future when those triggers pop up again (because mostly likely they will). In the process of identifying the trigger, help them see the "what", the "how", the "where", the "why", the "when" and the "who" in order to get a 360 view of the trigger. This thorough analysis will help them identify, manage and/or stop the trigger in the future.

When dealing with past conflicts, reframing perspective is important because people often get stuck and are unable to move forward. After acknowleding their emotions, validating ,it's essential to guide them towards deeper inner work of acceptance, letting go and forgiveness.

Challenge Negative Narratives: Guide clients to question any negative or unhelpful narratives they might have about themselves or others involved in the conflict. Explore Alternative Views: Encourage them to consider the perspectives of others involved. What might be their motivations or concerns? Focus on Growth: Reframe the conflict as an opportunity for personal growth and learning. What positive changes or insights can come from this experience? Develop Empathy: Help clients build empathy by understanding the other party’s perspective, which can lead to more compassionate responses.

Setting boundaries is a critical step that shouldn't be missed. By helping individuals set boundaries we are empowering them to decide and take control of what is important to them. There must be clear understanding on what is acceptable and what's not acceptable. To take things to the next level, I in help individuals identify "why" those boundaries are important to them and "how" they will ensure that those boundaries are respected.

In my experience helping others move from resentment to peace (or to a neutral state), I remind them that forgiving and/or letting go of the resentment is a gift they are giving to: themselves! I like to remind them that they have the power to let go of strong feelings that don't serve them and the take their joy. These reminders and the way I present them to the individuals I coach have proven to be effective and powerful.

A forward-thinking mind is always ready for the new and beautiful things that are ahead in the journey! I remind myself and the individuals I have the honor of coaching of this thought of mine. Moving forward from a conflict or a bad feeling is not easy, we're humans and emotions are part of our nature. But giving ourselves the gift of moving forward is something we truly deserve...to unlock the things that the future has for us.