Your colleague gave you feedback that was not empathetic. How can you use it to your advantage?

Knowing your biases, emotions, and what triggers you is fundamental in this context. Certain things can disturb you or lead you down a less empathetic path. So, before replying, it is sometimes best to stop and think or choose another time to provide your feedback. In moments where this is not possible, it is crucial to listen and ask questions related to the feedback. It is sometimes correct to just express how you're feeling and acknowledge that perhaps this is not the right moment. Ask for permission to allow some time to digest the information and formulate an answer that will not damage the relationship with the other party.

In my experience, acknowledging your emotions in response to feedback, even if it's not empathetic, can help you use it to your advantage. Start by recognizing your initial reaction—whether it's frustration, disappointment, or hurt. Take a moment to process these emotions without judgment. Then, shift your focus to understanding the feedback objectively. Look for any valid points or areas where you can improve, regardless of the delivery. By separating your emotional response from the constructive aspects of the feedback, you can glean valuable insights and use them to refine your skills or approach.

When your colleague gives feedback that feels harsh or unkind, it's important to acknowledge how you feel. Take a moment to recognize your emotions. You might feel upset, frustrated, or even hurt. That's okay. Acknowledging your emotions means understanding how you feel inside. It's like saying to yourself, "I feel sad right now," or "I'm angry about what happened." Once you acknowledge your emotions, it becomes easier to deal with them in a healthy way. You can take a deep breath, talk to someone you trust, or find a quiet space to calm down. Remember, it's okay to feel what you feel, and acknowledging those feelings is the first step towards feeling better.

Na minha experiência, sempre oriento as pessoas a focarem no que de agregador aquele feedback tem. Importante excluir, o máximo possível, quest?es emocionais no momento de analisar um feedback recebido. Em meio a toda mensagem emitida há pontos que de fato preciso melhorar? Caso sim, absorva somente essa parte e foque em sua melhoria.

In my experience, evaluating feedback, even if it lacks empathy, can still be valuable. Start by separating the delivery from the content and focus solely on the message. Identify the specific points or insights within the feedback that can help you improve or grow professionally. Look for patterns or recurring themes across multiple feedback instances to discern areas for development. Then, consider constructive ways to address these areas, such as seeking additional training or mentorship. By extracting actionable insights from the feedback, you can use it as a catalyst for personal and professional growth, regardless of its delivery.

When you get feedback from your colleague that's hard to understand or makes you feel confused, it's important to seek clarification and support. Don't be afraid to ask questions. You can go to your colleague and say, "I want to understand your feedback better. Could you explain it to me?" Seeking clarification means asking for more information or examples to help you grasp what they're saying. If you're still unsure, don't hesitate to ask for support from someone you trust, like a mentor or a friend. They can offer their perspective and help you figure out what to do next. Remember, seeking clarification and support is a brave thing to do, and it shows that you're willing to learn and grow from feedback.

When we receive a feedback, it's vital to be consciously aware of the different components of the same. By components, I mean the various aspects involved such as who (the person), where (the environment), when (time), what (the message), and how (the language, voice, tone). In order to make the most of the feedbacks we receive in life, we must resist the temptation to attach the highest importance to 'how'. Rather, we must practice giving the highest importance to 'what' because that is the essence of a feedback. That way, the counts of the so called 'unempathetic' feedback will come down gradually and we will start eagerly looking forward to feedbacks from others.

Positive thing about such feedback - this is only words, not “a kick in the back”. So, you are warned and have time to be prepared. The best reaction in such case is a standard wording in Customer Service - your opinion is important to us. Which technically means opposite, but in social acceptable form. There are standard rules for feedback, quite simple. Unfortunately, they require basic knowledge of communication, definite level of culture and practice. Which are not always available.