What's the best way to rebuild trust with a colleague?

Take the time listen, walk a day in your colleagues shoes, understand what is important to them and where they need your support. Then do more than what you are being asked to do before, during and after your job with them. Align philosophically of being the duo who are the "Doer of Deeds", where your collaboration delivers results and both of you get the best out of each other. While disagreements are part and parcel of a healthy functioning relationship, lead with "Yes and ..." communication where you are supportive of your colleague idea. Graduate to "Yes but ...." where you deliberate on downsides. Diplomacy is global professional skillset. Choosing the right words, right time and right person is key to building trust.

People tend to 'drop' the relationship where possible, avoid working with the colleague, sweep the matter under the rug, or move on to the next task with an 'agree to disagree'. I had an upsetting experience where upon reaching out to the person in attempt to discuss/reconcile, the person completely avoided/rejected having a 1:1 conversation with me at all! To manage this, both sides should acknowledge a 'higher' common goal/value/mission as a foundation to tie you both to why you should be willing to try resolving your differences in the first place. Always give benefit of doubt. You may have different/clashing methods, but focus and appreciate how the other is working hard, usually out of good intentions, to reach the same goal.

I will start by initiating an open conversation with X, discussing the problem and admitting my mistakes. I will actively listen to X, acknowledging X's perspective and validating X's feelings. Apologize for the action that cause X this harm and proposing the action to rectify the mistake. Show consistent commitment of rebuilding trust. All these takes time, patience and perseverance.

First and foremost remember that you should never give or take away trust as a blanket. It is okay to offer your trust in a specific area without necessarily trusting someone in all areas. Rebuilding trust with a colleague involves open communication, acknowledging past issues, taking responsibility, and demonstrating consistent, positive behavior over time. Be sincere, listen actively, and ensure your actions align with your commitment to rebuilding trust.

When apologizing for a mistake, acknowledge the specific action and specific impact and consequence for the other person. i.e. "I regret that my lateness caused you to have to rush through the meeting; we didn't get to X item on agenda properly." "I'm sorry that my comment made you feel disrespected." Apology/remorse is only felt when you recognise/understand really the impact of your actions.

Acting consistently also matters here not just in terms of your relationship with this colleague in particular, but with others. Are you treating this or another colleague differently because they are in higher or lower positions? Do you give the same respect to all at the workplace (and outside!)? Once, I participated in a workshop run by a group outside my company. To my pleasant surprise, days later, my (then) boss told me he heard good things about me from one of the participants at the workshop, who happened to be his acquaintance. I did not do anything particularly outstanding, but point is, word travels, and that is how your reputation is built.

Theodore Roosevelt — 'People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care'. With relationship building, or rebuilding, it's in the little things that count. A genuine 'how are you, in general'? How's your family, life outside work? - if not too intrusive. A genuine care for the person, that is felt, will go a long way. Have meals together- icebreaker activities if opportunities allow. Take a break to discuss interests, hobbies, your favourite coffee, or complain (good-heartedly) about the weather or other trivial, light topics. Forget the titles and roles for a moment, and recognise the colleague for who they are as a person: a mom of 3, a cat lover, an adventurer, a gaming enthusiast, a Linkedin writer..