What are some effective ways to use questioning to help individuals manage conflict?

1 Why use questioning for conflict management?

Questioning is not only a way of gathering information, but also a way of influencing how people think and feel. By asking open-ended, curious, and respectful questions, you can help individuals reflect on their own assumptions, emotions, and behaviors, as well as those of others. This can reduce defensiveness, increase empathy, and foster a collaborative mindset. Questioning can also help you avoid imposing your own opinions or solutions, and instead empower individuals to find their own answers and take ownership of their actions.

2 What types of questions should you ask?

The types of questions you ask depend on the stage and nature of the conflict, as well as the goals and needs of the individuals involved. However, some general categories of questions that can be useful are clarifying, exploratory, challenging, and solution-oriented. Clarifying questions help you understand the facts, issues, and interests of the parties, such as "What happened?" or "How did you feel about that?". Exploratory questions are designed to dig deeper into the underlying causes, motivations, and emotions of the parties; for example, "What led you to that conclusion?" or "What do you value most in this relationship?". Challenging questions help challenge assumptions, beliefs, and behaviors that may be contributing to the conflict; for example, "How do you know that is true?" or "How is that serving you or the situation?". Finally, solution-oriented questions move the parties from problem-focused to solution-focused thinking; for instance, "What do you want to achieve?" or "What are some possible options?".

3 How should you ask questions?

Asking questions effectively is just as important as the questions themselves. To do this, it’s important to use a tone of curiosity and respect, not judgment or criticism. Listen actively and attentively, without interrupting or jumping to conclusions. You can also follow up by paraphrasing, summarizing, or reflecting back what you heard in order to check for understanding and show empathy. Additionally, it’s important to balance asking questions with giving feedback, praise, or encouragement in order to build rapport and trust. Lastly, adapt your questions to the situation and the individual and avoid using a script or a formula.

4 When should you ask questions?

Asking questions is an important part of conflict resolution, and there are several opportunities to do so. Before the conflict escalates, asking questions can help prevent misunderstandings or miscommunication. During the resolution process, questions can help facilitate dialogue and collaboration. After the conflict is resolved, questions can be used to evaluate the outcome and learn from the experience.

5 What are some common pitfalls to avoid?

Asking questions can be a powerful tool, but it should be done with caution to avoid common pitfalls. Asking too many questions can overwhelm, confuse, or annoy the parties. Furthermore, leading, closed, or loaded questions can imply bias, pressure, or manipulation. Additionally, not listening to the answers shows disrespect or disinterest. Finally, asking questions that are irrelevant, inappropriate, or insensitive can offend or hurt the parties. Therefore, it is important to ask questions with care and consideration.

6 How can you improve your questioning skills?

Questioning is an essential skill for any leader who wants to assist individuals in managing conflict constructively. To improve your questioning skills, observe and learn from other leaders or coaches who use questioning effectively and seek feedback from the parties or other observers on how your questions helped or hindered the conflict management process. Additionally, reflect on your own questions and their impact, experiment with different types of questions, and read books, articles, or blogs on questioning techniques and strategies. Through these practices, you can cultivate a culture of learning, collaboration, and innovation in your workplace.

7 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?