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What are some effective ways to use body language when apologizing during a conflict?

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Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but how you handle it can make a big difference in the outcome. One of the most important skills to master is how to apologize sincerely and effectively when you have made a mistake or hurt someone's feelings. And while the words you use are crucial, so is the way you express them through your body language. In this article, you will learn some effective ways to use body language when apologizing during a conflict, and why they matter for your interpersonal skills.

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Kestutis Zarauskas

Commercial Projects Manager at Margunas

1 Make eye contact

Eye contact is a powerful way to show respect, attention, and honesty when you are apologizing. It signals that you are not avoiding the issue or the person, and that you are willing to face the consequences of your actions. Eye contact also helps you to read the other person's emotions and reactions, and to adjust your tone and pace accordingly. However, be careful not to stare or glare, as this can be perceived as aggressive or intimidating. Aim for a soft and steady gaze that conveys empathy and sincerity.

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Kestutis Zarauskas

Commercial Projects Manager at Margunas
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Eye contact is fine. The only rule to follow is that when we are talking, eye contact is about 20% of the time; when we are listening, about 80% of the time. If you keep looking at the interlocutor's eyes while speaking, it will give a negative impression - an attempt to control, to impose, to communicate dishonestly. Conversely, listening will give the impression of openness, empathy, an effort to understand and accept.

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Katelyn Skye Bennett

?? Neuroqueer writer & creator ?? No human being is illegal ??
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This can be hard for some autistic folks! If you're ND and this is a barrier to apologizing, maybe adding extra stress to the expected conversation, I'd encourage you to be aware of the expectation for eye contact during in person communications, but don't pressure yourself. Try glancing over/ up to meet their eyes from time to time if possible, but keep your health in mind as well. You don't have to stare (as I sometimes do when trying to do the NT thing). You could also preface the conversation by saying something like, "I'm autistic, and eye contact and tone are difficult for me, but I want you to know that I am honestly sorry for xyz." Hopefully they'll understand that the content of our words > tone or facial expressions, for us.

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2 Adopt an open posture

Your posture can also communicate a lot about your attitude and intentions when you are apologizing. If you cross your arms, slouch, or turn away from the person, you are sending a message that you are defensive, closed, or indifferent. On the other hand, if you adopt an open posture, such as standing or sitting upright, facing the person, and keeping your arms and legs relaxed, you are showing that you are receptive, respectful, and willing to listen. An open posture also helps you to breathe more deeply and calmly, which can reduce your stress and anxiety during a conflict.

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3 Use appropriate gestures

Gestures can enhance or undermine your verbal apology, depending on how you use them. Some gestures that can help you to express your remorse and sincerity are nodding, tilting your head, touching your chest, or holding your hands together. These gestures indicate that you are acknowledging your fault, showing interest, or asking for forgiveness. However, avoid gestures that can be seen as dismissive, sarcastic, or arrogant, such as shrugging, rolling your eyes, pointing your finger, or putting your hands on your hips. These gestures can make your apology seem insincere, rude, or aggressive.

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4 Smile genuinely

A smile can be a powerful tool to diffuse tension and restore trust when you are apologizing. However, not all smiles are created equal. A fake or forced smile can be easily detected and can backfire, making you seem insincere, manipulative, or mocking. A genuine smile, on the other hand, can convey warmth, kindness, and regret. A genuine smile involves not only your mouth, but also your eyes and cheeks. It also matches your tone and mood, and is appropriate for the situation. A genuine smile can show that you care about the person and the relationship, and that you hope to move forward positively.

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Kestutis Zarauskas

Commercial Projects Manager at Margunas
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Trying to apologise during a conflict with a smile in general may be inappropriate and unsuitable, and may be interpreted as your failure to understand the seriousness of the situation at the root of the conflict, which your opponent sees as the main reasons for what is happening. In the context of disagreements in a working relationship, it may make your opponent feel sad about your incompetence. A smile is appropriate if you are apologising to a person in a lower social position, but not in any case to an opponent in a higher or equal position with you.

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5 Mirror the other person

Mirroring is a technique where you subtly match the body language of the person you are talking to, such as their posture, gestures, facial expressions, or voice. Mirroring can help you to establish rapport, empathy, and understanding when you are apologizing. It can also show that you are in sync with the person and that you respect their feelings and perspective. However, be careful not to overdo it or copy everything the person does, as this can be seen as mocking or mimicking. Aim for a natural and subtle mirroring that reflects your genuine interest and concern.

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6 Respect the personal space

Personal space is the distance that you keep between yourself and the person you are talking to, and it can vary depending on the culture, context, and relationship. When you are apologizing, it is important to respect the personal space of the person, and not to invade it or withdraw from it. If you get too close, you may make the person feel uncomfortable, threatened, or pressured. If you get too far, you may make the person feel ignored, rejected, or distant. Try to find a comfortable and appropriate distance that allows you to communicate effectively and respectfully, and that matches the level of intimacy and trust in the relationship.

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7 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?

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Katelyn Skye Bennett

?? Neuroqueer writer & creator ?? No human being is illegal ??
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Stay humble. Go in with an open attitude and be aware of any defensive emotions popping up. You can and should work through those later, but acknowledge your emotions going in, acknowledge how you feel throughout, and try to remain calm and humble as you center the other party.

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What are some effective ways to use body language when apologizing during a conflict?

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

1 Make eye contact

2 Adopt an open posture

3 Use appropriate gestures

4 Smile genuinely

5 Mirror the other person

6 Respect the personal space

7 Here’s what else to consider

Interpersonal Skills

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What are some effective ways to use body language when apologizing during a conflict?

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

1 Make eye contact

2 Adopt an open posture

3 Use appropriate gestures

4 Smile genuinely

5 Mirror the other person

6 Respect the personal space

7 Here’s what else to consider

Interpersonal Skills

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感谢您的反馈

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