What are some common traps or pitfalls to avoid when using a guiding style of communication?

1 Being too passive

One trap is being too passive, which means you let the person talk without giving any feedback, direction, or reflection. This can make the person feel like you are not interested, engaged, or helpful. To avoid this trap, you need to balance your listening skills with your responding skills. You can use open-ended questions, affirmations, reflections, and summaries to show that you are following the person's story, acknowledging their strengths, and highlighting their ambivalence or discrepancies.

2 Being too directive

Another trap is being too directive, which means you tell the person what to do, how to do it, or why they should do it. This can make the person feel like you are judging, lecturing, or imposing your agenda on them. To avoid this trap, you need to respect the person's autonomy, readiness, and preferences. You can use evocative questions, information exchange, and permission-seeking to elicit the person's own reasons, values, and plans for change.

3 Giving unsolicited advice

A related trap is giving unsolicited advice, which means you offer your suggestions, opinions, or solutions without asking the person if they want them or need them. This can make the person feel like you are not listening, understanding, or trusting their abilities. To avoid this trap, you need to assess the person's interest, knowledge, and confidence before giving any advice. You can use the Elicit-Provide-Elicit framework to ask the person what they already know, what they want to know, and what they think about the information you provide.

4 Getting into arguments

A fourth trap is getting into arguments, which means you challenge, confront, or persuade the person to change their views or behaviors. This can make the person feel defensive, resistant, or hostile. To avoid this trap, you need to avoid the righting reflex, which is the tendency to correct or fix the person's problems. You can use the OARS skills (open-ended questions, affirmations, reflections, and summaries) to express curiosity, appreciation, and understanding instead of criticism, disagreement, or pressure.

5 Missing change talk

A fifth trap is missing change talk, which means you overlook or ignore the person's statements that indicate their desire, ability, reason, or need for change. This can make the person feel discouraged, hopeless, or stuck. To avoid this trap, you need to recognize, reinforce, and reflect change talk whenever you hear it. You can use the DARN-CAT acronym (desire, ability, reason, need, commitment, action, and taking steps) to identify and respond to different types of change talk.

6 Losing focus

A final trap is losing focus, which means you drift away from the person's main goal, concern, or agenda. This can make the person feel confused, frustrated, or overwhelmed. To avoid this trap, you need to establish and maintain a clear and collaborative focus with the person. You can use the agenda setting and focusing skills to negotiate and prioritize the topics or issues that are most relevant and important for the person.

7 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?