What are some common nonverbal communication mistakes and how to avoid them?

Eye contact shows honesty and authenticity. Always remember, eyes are the key to developing long lasting relationships, even if you don't receive an offer; you've made connections along the way.

While I understand and acknowledge this is the normative way of thinking about good and/or bad eye contact, I believe it is also important to remember that eye contact is an area of difficulty for many neurodivergent people, such as people with ADHD or Autism. Eye contact as a nonverbal form of communication should not always be taken at face value. It all boils down to learning to adapt and communicate with a wide range of unique communication styles and preferences, especially for those in leadership positions.

In my experience, some cultures do not focus on eye contact. As well, neuro-diverse people, especially those with autism, find eye contact uncomfortable. I personally do not focus on ability to make eye contact as something important. The ability to communicate and express themselves is what I focus on when interviewing.

Keep your nonverbal communication neutral and consistent with your verbal tone but leave room for authenticity and relatability. Eye contact and body language are key but knowing your audience beforehand is also important for effective nonverbal communication. Avoid matching your tone with the tone of others engaged in disagreements. Avoid the "eyeroll" when faced with unpleasant feedback or negative verbal communication, nod or smile instead.

Body language can make or break the conversation. Some things to consider: - Your shoulders: Want to appear open to conversation? Get your shoulder’s relaxed, body open, and slightly toward the person you want to talk to. If you’re facing them square on, you may appear intimidating. - Get to their level: If they’re sitting, sit with them. If they’re standing, stand with them. Doing the opposite could be perceived as intimidating and domineering - Always, always read the room.

A personal experience with this was in a coaching session. I smile a lot. It helps build rapport and conveys joy and encouragement. In this particular situation a client had a light bulb moment and I was really happy for them and it was showing all over my face in a big smile. Or so I thought, my client suddenly asked “are you smirking?” I was shocked of course not, but to them what I was conveying was that I had an answer that I was waiting for them to get and the intended smiles came across as patronising rather than encouraging. The learning from this for me was first that it’s not a one size fits all and you need to adjust to your audience and be ok to have the conversation about it when you get it wrong.

In my experience teaching students about Nonverbal Communication, I would ask them to stop and consider an often overlooked aspect, silence. Silence is the “secret sauce” of nonverbal communication. Perhaps, of human interaction as a whole. Silence allows for us to observe and take in our communication environment. It is not an absence of communication, as some would like to believe, in their constant attempt to fill it with unnecessary verbiage. They do this to avoid being perceived as dull or inarticulate, but, in reality, it’s at the expense of being pensive and attentive. Silence also allows us to check-in with someone very significant, ourself. Whether alone, or with others, we should never ignore our own needs and overall wellbeing.

In professional settings, your body language should be consistent with the role you play in a particular situation. For example, if you’re a subordinate, crossing your arms during a conversation with a higher up at work can be construed as a lack of openness. On the other hand, if you’re a leader, having your hands on your hips can be construed as having presence, authority, and an air of calm confidence.

Mirroring is a massive asset to total tonal awareness. When using mirroring, it is important to pay attention to the tone of the conversation. Mirroring someone's tone can help to show that you are attentive and understanding. Whether they are speaking in a calm and relaxed manner, or with excitement and enthusiasm, match that energy. This will help to show that you are listening and that you understand their perspective. Additionally, try to match the same level of formality that they're using. This will help to create a sense of commonality and comradery.

Give people your full attention -I know we are all addicted to our phones, but you can ignore the ding or buzz in your pocket long enough to give your undivided attention to the person you’re talking with or while you’re in a meeting. It may be somewhat socially acceptable to glance or become distracted by your phone, but you will certainly stand out if you show people you value them enough to actively listen. Create a “do not disturb” setting in your phone if you know in advance you’ll be having these conversations. If you have a significant other or kids, you can opt to allow their messages or calls to come through so you can determine it’s urgent. Otherwise, whatever it is can wait. Be where you are in the moment!

Don't think of an interview as an interrogation. I am constantly coaching my candidates (at every level and various verticals) to think of the interview as a conversation. Take the test out of the equation. Sure you are interviewing the company just as much as they are interviewing you. If you can relax and remember there is a person behind the title it will help to soften things up a bit for you, even if you feel something coming from the interviewer that is rigid. Be yourself no matter what. You'll end up happier and that leads to success in any equation.

As a remote employee who spends a majority of my time utilizing zoom, slack/g-chat along with email, nonverbal communication still remains an essential aspect both as a listener and a contributor. Just because i am not physically present or in the same room as another person(s) does not change the importance of being an effective communicator and listener. Continuing to still recognize non-verbal cues for example in a zoom call still has just as much significance in a virtual environment as it does in person. Don’t let the virtual vs in-person environments deter you from continuing to follow proper communication methods. It will go a long way and show your peers and colleagues the respect you hold yourself to in a virtual environment.

There needs to be an aspect of understanding body language, but also other areas to determine if it’s dishonesty or due to being a neurodivergent individual. Careful to not wrongfully judge non verbal behaviors.