What are some common mistakes to avoid when having a difficult conversation?

Take some time to structure your thoughts ahead of a difficult conversation. You may want to write these notes down, or organize your thoughts in a way that makes them clear. It might help to write a numbered list, with the key messages you want to get across. You don't necessarily need to carry these notes around with you, but the time spend preparing and focusing on your key points will help you focus clearly later on.

One thing I recommend is the premortem. A premortem is thinking about what would happen if a project or conversation failed. You then proactively look for the cause to find out what went wrong. A premortem aims to anticipate and mitigate potential risks and challenges before they arise and improve your chances of success. So ask yourself, "How will this conversation fail?" Then fix it before it does!

1) Avoid reenacting the dance of the awkward armadillo – don't let your body language resemble that of a confused creature on roller skates. 2) Skip the verbal gymnastics – don't attempt to juggle buzzwords, keep it real and understandable. 3) Steer clear of disappearing acts; don't vanish. Also, if you have nothing nice to say, you know what to do. or rather not do.

Preparation starts in your head. What is your intention? What do you want to say? What do you want the outcome to be? Then, prepare on paper. Get your thoughts out first; edit second. Then, practice. You will be confident and ready to go.

This is a great example of where an executive coach can be helpful. You can simulate a difficult conversation ahead of time with the coach playing the other person. It is a safe environment that can help you uncover potential mistakes or problems before the real thing.

The truth is, if you want someone to listen to you, the quickest and easiest way is to listen to them first! I find if you hold back your assumptions and points and ask questions you form a better idea of the reasons behind the actions and get a better understanding of the mindset of the individual. This should not take away from your point if you are making the right one. Use the answers that you have heard and acknowledged, the feelings that have been expressed and then express your feelings and reasons for reaching out. This allows you to start on a level playing field where all feelings are taken into account in addition to your points. At this stage, you utilise your planning and use your assertiveness to address the issues at hand.

One thing I’ve found myself in such situation is unconditionally giving them the opportunity to vent out their prescriptive of the situation. Active listening to anyone without much interruption will help ease lots of conflicts as though they feel that someone cares. Asking open questions to the person who has the argument/concern about an issue on how he/she wants to resolve it itself will make them feel more inclusive in the group, This measures help ease the situation and work towards a common goal and build the trust in relationship.

A good leader knows how to calibrate communication - understand the other person's point of view during the discussion and adjust the delivery of the message accordingly. It's a coveted skill in the workplace.

Active listening is an essential skill in the workplace culture that can help you avoid dominating the conversation and giving others the space to speak up. It involves more than just hearing what someone is saying; it requires understanding their emotions, needs, and motivations. Therefore, it is crucial to make a conscious effort to listen actively in the workplace culture. It requires setting aside your personal biases and agenda, being present in the moment, and being genuinely interested in the other person's perspective. By doing so, you can promote a positive and respectful workplace culture where everyone feels heard and valued.

As a leader or manager, it's important to approach difficult conversations with an open mind and willingness to listen. Not listening to the other person's perspective can lead to a breakdown in communication and prevent the conversation from reaching a productive outcome. To avoid this mistake, practice active listening skills such as giving the other person your full attention, maintaining eye contact, and acknowledging their feelings and concerns. It's also important to refrain from interrupting or dismissing their point of view, and instead ask questions to clarify their position and understand their perspective. By actively listening, you can build trust and respect with the other person and work towards a mutually beneficial solution.

Know when to walk away from an unproductive conversation. I make it a point to not flame the fire. I usually let folks know that the conversation is not headed in a good direction and that we should likely chat another day.

You can say anything to anyone (pretty much) if you say it with empathy and compassion. My clients ask me: "what should I say?" After they are done telling me, I say: "say that!" (well, maybe I have a few edits...) You know the words, you are afraid to say them. Words that are spoken from a good place; come across from a good place. Trust that the right way to say them will happen as long as you are intentions are in the right place too.

Assertiveness is vital for any leader or manager, especially in difficult conversations. It means standing up for yourself while respecting others and their opinions. Many people make the mistake of not being assertive in difficult conversations, either because they fear being perceived as confrontational or causing offense or because they are uncomfortable expressing their thoughts and emotions. However, by not being assertive, they risk not achieving their goals, being misunderstood, or leaving the conversation feeling unfulfilled. To be assertive, it is important to use clear and direct language, maintain eye contact, and be confident in your stance. Additionally, actively listen to the other party and acknowledge their perspective.

Many people avoid speaking directly in difficult conversations. Instead, they try to sugar coat bad news or negative feedback. But when you fail to be clear in delivering unpleasant information, you leave the door open for your audience to fill in the gaps and hear what they *think* you are saying - which could be much worse than your intended message. Be clear, and don't sacrifice the content of your communication by trying to cushion the blow.

Thank you Richard for the breakdown on assertive and what the true definition is, it is so vital to be this in a you way! As a female in a high grocery retail leadership role this was sometimes a struggle because of being an assertive confident empathetic leader, when the more assertive side came out I was "a b****" or not fair or needed to work on soft skills,my male associate leader did same there was no such retort while I had 8 years experience to his 2. THIS HAPPENS. For me this was a handful of times that that impacted my moving up at the company but also petty times that I let roll off my back.《reading back sounds kind of woe me female ?? point is how females/males approach are slightly different because of built in societal norms.

Don'ts 1. don't manage the other person's emotions by saying ' don't feel bad/sad/angry/frustrated'. People don't like to be handled. Especially when they're upset. 2. Empaths, Resist the urge to revert your statements. 'oh don't feel bad! It's not that important', 'its no big deal'. Hold on to your intentions, but hold them with kindness.

Be authentic and be vulnerable. Go with the intention of wanting to understand their perspectives better. Go with a learning mindset.

Emotional regulation can be hard in the moment if you're on the receiving end of a difficult convo, so remember that the person you're speaking with has every right to advocate for their needs. Some people need more time to reflect and process information before formulating their responses.

In difficult conversations, emotions can be a powerful tool or a dangerous obstacle. By managing your emotions effectively, you can increase your chances of a positive outcome and build stronger relationships. To manage your emotions, start by being self-aware of your triggers, feelings, and body sensations. Then, use breathing techniques to calm yourself down and release tension. You can also use positive self-talk to reframe your thoughts and emotions, and to focus on your goals and values. Finally, use your emotional intelligence skills, such as empathy, social awareness, and self-regulation, to understand and connect with the other person's emotions, and to find mutually acceptable solutions.

I've written and spoken often on mastering our emotions. It may be the greatest challenge of all! I've learned that emotions come from a deep place. What story leads you to feel this way? How is it supposed to be, that it is not? What role has everyone been assigned in this drama? Most importantly, stay off stage! Don't let others suck you in with their story of how it is supposed to be.

Putting things in writing can be especially helpful. Difficult conversations can be stressful situations for everyone involved, and so it's easy for misunderstandings to happen. Having some mutually agreed points from the conversation, with specific plans for changes in the future, things to work on or action items can be very helpful.

Here's the deal...we often leave difficult conversations with expectations that are never agreed to, only setting us up for the next round of nonsense. Do you have expectations OF people...or agreements WITH people? Moving from expectations to agreements is a game changer.

Following up is a critical step in any difficult conversation, as it helps to ensure that the conversation leads to positive change and outcomes. To follow up effectively, you should summarize the main points of the conversation, confirm the next steps, and set a timeline and feedback mechanism. You should also show appreciation for the other person's participation and cooperation, and provide them with ongoing support and guidance. By checking in with them regularly and acknowledging their progress and achievements, you can maintain momentum and build trust and rapport. Following up is not only a sign of professionalism, but also a way to demonstrate your commitment to constructive and respectful communication.

If the action items and next steps are handled carefully and professionally, this might NO longer be a difficult conversation. Instead, it'll open up a tons of improvement areas and growth opportunities for the other person. If you have shared a negative feedback or low performance issue, and you chalk out an action plan, the other person has a genuine chance to grow and shine. Similarly, if there's a change in role or department, and if the other person has a clear roadmap, it might turn out to be a better career choice. Identifying these action items, creating a realistic and workable plan, and constant follow-ups can prove to be beneficial in the long run

In my experience, no matter how brutal the conversation may be, remaining respectful is easy when you truly care about your employees. I always try to end the conversations on a somewhat positive note by reminding the employee why I hired them, why I believe they are capable of doing better. I then ask them to take a few days to think about the role or area of improvement needed and to be honest with themselves and tell me if I am wrong. I will not beat a horse when it’s down, it won’t change the outcome and shows a lack of personal investment in the employee.

Not choosing the right timing is less talked about, but significant nevertheless. The right timing of giving feedback or having a difficult conversation goes a long way in ensuring the message is received in the way it is intended. We shouldn't choose a timing that's convenient for us, but one that'd work for the receiver. And I don't mean just the time of day. The entirety of the circumstances must be considered when determining when to share feedback or engage in a discussion that's likely to be difficult.

In my experience, it is also essential to find common ground and mutually beneficial solutions to move forward. If not, then the situation gets stuck and nobody can move forward.

I would also add that an appropriate level of ongoing communication is essential. Too little and you are deemed distant or not interested in them. Too much and you are over-bearing or controlling. Each relationship is different and being able to balance this is also a key ingredient to successful managing

Be Open to giving folks some time to consider and reflect on your feedback. You don't have to unpack the entirety of the conversation in a single meeting. Follow up in a later meeting while they think about your feedback and possibly come back with an action plan or more actions.