What are the skills and qualities of an effective mentor?

Listen, REALLY listen... tune your ears and listen with empathy and compassion. Listen more than you talk. And, ask permission to give advice. Collaborate. You can be a mentor AND A partner.

A few techniques that have helped me be a better active listener! ?? Paraphrase or Summarize: Repeat back what the speaker said in your own words to show that you understand their point of view. This helps to clarify any misunderstandings, reassures the listener, and helps both the speaker and listener. ?? Avoid Interrupting: This is a tough one, as I am sure we have all been tempted to jump in and correct/clarify a point, but it can be negatively viewed and felt by the speaker. Wait until they have finished speaking before you respond. ?? Ask Questions with Purpose: Ask questions that encourage the speaker to share more information about their thoughts and feeling, instead of just fishing for an answer, so it seems you are engaged.

Listen to Understand, and not necessarily respond. Listening is a key skill for life in general, often people are so eager to reply we forget to take the time to fully listen and rush in or start a project with only part of the problem understood. Take notes if that helps you stay on track.

Communication foundational to mentoring, training, and development of minds. It is important to understand that often it is not the understanding of the individual that is flawed but the message itself. Experts can see the connections between thoughts, ideas, and concepts that the novice may not see or be able to make the mental leap to comprehend. Sometimes it requires to walk people from point to point for understanding and comprehension.

There is so much confusion today about what a "mentor" or "coach" is. I've found with my clients, they mean coaching over mentoring. I never coach in any of my mentoring relationships. If a person comes to me for advice, we explore what they're really after, which normally leads to a coaching or mentoring discussion. If we find it's coaching, I use a competency profile & coach them on how to run out 40 yards, turn right, & catch the ball. We do this over & over again until they stop dropping balls. IF mentoring, then we explore together where they want to improve. From that, I have them suggest options they would try, then send them out to try it and come back to discuss the outcomes. This process repeats itself, until it doesn't.

This piece is reinforcing the fact that when two humans interact they form a type of relationship. What tends to happen, when hierarchy is involved, some tend to forget that baseline. Therefore, encourage and build a peer to peer relationship as a mentor. The reason behind this is, you can learn a lot from your mentee-especially if they have a different background or are from another generation. This can influence how you lead and build relationships in the future. ?? Get curious with your mentee, you never know what you can learn from this relationship.

There lies the problem, often people want to be mentors to further their own goals of leadership. Understand your reasons for wanting to be a mentor, is it to help others or help yourself. Mentees should be very selective when choosing a mentor.

Positive influence is the best influence. Leaders and those in authority don't realize how they can influence negatively by what they focus on. The mentee may see this as odd but normal in the sphere of success and leadership to emulate.

Try to practice some mindful awareness - it's great to model with your mentee. Be present. Be one-minded. And notice - notice judgments, notice feelings, notice your thoughts. All of this will contribute to your awareness and relationships.

I strongly support Michelle's point on "Mindfulness." Jim Wetherbee, NASA 5 time space shuttle commander talks at length about the skillset of mindfulness in operational leadership. As a side note, Weick & Sutcliffe (Managing the Unexpected) devote a good chunk of their research on the skill of mindfulness. As a result of hanging around Jim, I've found myself continually working on my mindfulness and teaching others about it. So to Michelle's point, using mindful awareness in mentoring is a #skillset you should include in your mentoring.

Offering genuine and unpretentious empathy is essential. Some mentor for wrong or selfish reasons. Do it because you sincerely want to make a difference, learn and serve as a positive advocate for change and growth.

Flexibility is key. I have facilitated training on boats, in bars, in trailers, with electricity, without electricity, etc. Being able to adapt quickly, have fun and embrace the environment sets the tone for active learning.