What myths about de-escalation are you falling for?

1 Myth 1: De-escalation is the same as appeasement

One of the most prevalent myths about de-escalation is that it means giving in to the demands or wishes of the other person, regardless of how unreasonable or harmful they are. This is not true. De-escalation is not about surrendering your rights, values, or boundaries, but about finding a way to communicate and cooperate with the other person without escalating the conflict. You can de-escalate a situation by acknowledging the other person's emotions, showing empathy, asking open-ended questions, and offering options or alternatives that can satisfy both parties' needs and interests.

2 Myth 2: De-escalation is a sign of weakness or fear

Another common myth about de-escalation is that it shows that you are afraid or intimidated by the other person, or that you lack confidence or authority. This is also not true. De-escalation is not a sign of weakness or fear, but of strength and courage. It takes courage to remain calm and respectful in the face of aggression or hostility, and to use your verbal and non-verbal skills to diffuse the situation. It also takes strength to resist the urge to react defensively or aggressively, and to focus on the problem rather than the person. De-escalation is not about losing face or dignity, but about preserving them.

3 Myth 3: De-escalation always works

A third myth about de-escalation is that it is a foolproof technique that can guarantee a positive outcome in any situation. This is not true either. De-escalation is not a magic formula that can instantly solve any conflict or crisis. It is a skill that requires practice, patience, and flexibility, and that depends on many factors, such as the context, the personalities, the emotions, and the goals of the people involved. Sometimes, de-escalation may not work, or may not be enough, to prevent or reduce violence or aggression. In those cases, you may need to use other strategies, such as disengaging, calling for backup, or using physical force, depending on the situation and your role.

4 Myth 4: De-escalation is only for professionals

The last myth about de-escalation is that it is only for professionals who have special training or experience in dealing with conflict or crisis situations. This is not true either. De-escalation is a skill that anyone can learn and use in their daily life, whether at home, at work, or in public. De-escalation can help you improve your relationships, your communication, your emotional regulation, and your problem-solving abilities. It can also help you reduce stress, anxiety, anger, and frustration, and increase your self-esteem, confidence, and resilience. De-escalation is not only for professionals, but for everyone who wants to live in a more peaceful and harmonious world.

5 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?