What are the most effective ways to develop your emotional intelligence as a leader?

Timely to see this article as I just posted on the topic of Emotional Intelligence on Linkedin here: https://www.dhirubhai.net/feed/update/urn:li:activity:7037268883937906688/ I agree with what is written as it pretty much aligns with my post also.

Actually, I disagree with the notion that we have weaknesses. Positive Intelligence (PQ) research shows that we have only strengths. It is only when we abuse or overuse our strengths they start to work against us instead of for us. In his research, Dr. Shirzad Chamine, a Stanford lecturer and NY Times bestselling author, refers to those abusing and/or abusing behaviors as "Saboteurs." Shirzad's research shows that by weakening those sabotaging behaviors, an individual will naturally improve 17 out of 18 Emotional intelligence dimensions. PQ operating system is based on the notion that we are totally and completely and absolutely awesome unique individuals who can achieve our peak performance when we activate our PQ/EQ.

For me, developing emotional intelligence always starts with mindfulness which includes self awareness, and developing coping mechanisms. The second point is 'Empathy'; how i walk through a situation from the other person's perspective and finally continuous learning, learning and unlearning as we go navigate different situations.

My favorite assessment for emotional intelligence is the Genos suite of assessments. They assess it in 6 difference competencies: Self-Awareness, Awareness of Others, Authenticity, Emotional Reasoning, Self-Management and Positive Influence. You can also incorporate feedback from peers, managers and direct reports into the report. It's very powerful.

According to recent research in Neurosciences, our brains have some specific neurons called "Mirror Neurons," mostly located between two eyebrows, sometimes called the "Third-Eye." As the name suggests, mirror neurons' primary function is to mimic others' behaviors. This is due to survival reasons and is rooted in our ancestorial history. This means: emotions, negative and positive, are contagious. That's why when someone at a meeting is angry, we also feel negative emotions. Neuroscience shows that by stimulating parts of the body, we can command our brain to stop the mirroring: Gently rub the fingertips of two fingers for 2-5 minutes with such attention that you can feel the ridges of both fingers to stay mindful & calm.

One of the most important things you can do to improve your well-being and increase your self-awareness is to practice mindfulness. But it's so easy for our busy lives to get in the way. One thing I have found very beneficial is to schedule time on my calendar for mindfulness. I do this in two ways: 1) A recurring daily cadence at 12:30 pm for 5 min where I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths. I concentrate on breathing and pay attention to any tension or pressure on my body. 2) Whenever I have to engage in an important meeting or a difficult conversation, I block time on my calendar 15 minutes prior to breathe and prep (I like to visualize a successful outcome) and 15 minutes after to decompress and journal my experience.

The path to winning the minds goes straight through the heart. Great leaders don’t need to prove their point. They create a safe space for others to express their thoughts and emotions freely because they know an ancient, forgotten secret: People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. However, we cannot be compassionate, loving, caring, and empathetic with others if we don't feel love and compassion for ourselves. To put ourselves in the shoes of others, first, we have to take off our own shoes. So, start with self-love! Feel unconditional love for yourself. Don't let your inner critic, your judge tell you that you are not good enough. We are all totally and completely, and absolutely awesome!

Listen. Listen and listen! To yourself and to others. Without judgement. That the way we learn, that’s the way we grow and that’s the way we develop.

Relationships guide all work - as a long-time community leader, taking the time to truly care about the people I have worked with - to know them and let them know me has been my ethos. Build a genuine community and then do the work.

As Leaders we are increasingly distracted by technology and the multiple revolving demands we face each day - learning to FOCUS on WHAT IS IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW - is key to effective and crucial communications.

Here is a practical exercise to improve your active listening: Without analyzing or judging, spend the first few minutes of every interaction focusing attentively on the other person's facial expressions and features. You might think this would distract you from hearing what is being said, but this couldn't be further from the truth. Research shows that by focusing on someone else's being, you are more in tune with them, giving them the impression that you are really paying attention. This builds-up rapport and helps you empty your mind at the same time. Be mindful: You can't fake this. You should really pay attention without judgment or condemnation, or analysis. Be with the other person whole heartedly.

For psychological reasons, most people get nervous when someone gives them feedback. To improve your relationship & communication skills, here is a pro tip for you: Never, ever, ever give feedback or use the word feedback when giving the feedback. Instead, give others "feed-forward!" Feedback is mostly about looking backward, focusing on what didn't work, highlighting the bad, or mentioning what could've been better. Much like coaching philosophy, feedforward is about looking at what worked well & doubling down on that. It is all about moving forward. A formula for giving feed-forward, say: "What I love about what you said/done is<find at least 10% positive> and what came to my mind is <provide a suggestion for improving the 10%>."

I feel that understanding the personal and professional motivations of the individuals within your team forms an important element of how you lead them. Understanding this enables you to tailor the support and rewards that you provide for each individual of your team. On occasion when team members have gone above and beyond I have found that I have gained insight by simply asking how I can reward them in a realistic way. I do feel that I have gained the best out of my teams when I have taken the time to fully understand them and therefore tailor goals and rewards that are aligned with those of the business accordingly.