What are effective ways to promote positive attitudes and behaviors during conflicts?

1 Understand your emotions

One of the first steps to resolve conflicts constructively is to recognize and regulate your own emotions. When you are angry, frustrated, or hurt, you may react impulsively, say things you regret, or escalate the situation. To avoid this, try to pause and calm yourself before responding. You can use breathing techniques, mindfulness, or positive affirmations to lower your stress levels and gain perspective. You can also acknowledge and express your feelings in a respectful and honest way, without blaming or attacking the other person.

3 Focus on interests, not positions

A common mistake that people make during conflicts is to focus on their positions, or what they want or demand, rather than their interests, or why they want it or what they value. This can lead to a win-lose scenario, where one party tries to impose their solution on the other, or a lose-lose scenario, where both parties compromise too much and end up dissatisfied. To avoid this, try to identify and communicate your underlying interests, as well as the interests of the other person. You can use statements like "I need...", "I care about...", or "I feel..." to express your interests, and ask questions like "Why is this important to you?", "What are you hoping to achieve?", or "How do you feel about this?" to explore the interests of the other person. By focusing on interests, not positions, you can find common ground, generate creative options, and reach a win-win outcome.

4 Use positive language

The way you communicate during conflicts can also influence the attitudes and behaviors of yourself and the other person. Using negative language, such as insults, accusations, threats, or sarcasm, can trigger defensiveness, hostility, or resentment, and damage the relationship. Using positive language, such as compliments, appreciation, encouragement, or humor, can foster trust, rapport, or goodwill, and enhance the relationship. You can use positive language by highlighting the strengths, contributions, or achievements of the other person, expressing gratitude or recognition for their efforts or cooperation, offering support or assistance if needed, or making jokes or comments that lighten the mood or relieve tension.

5 Seek feedback and learn

The last way to promote positive attitudes and behaviors during conflicts is to seek feedback and learn from the experience. Conflicts can be opportunities for growth, improvement, or innovation, if you are willing to reflect on what happened, what worked, and what didn't. You can seek feedback from the other person, from a third party, or from yourself, by asking questions like "What did you like about how we handled this conflict?", "What could we have done better or differently?", or "What did you learn from this conflict?". You can also give feedback to the other person, by sharing your observations, suggestions, or compliments. By seeking and giving feedback, you can reinforce the positive aspects of the conflict resolution process, identify the areas for development, and apply the lessons learned to future situations.

6 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?