What do you do if you're struggling to improve your active listening skills as a conflict resolution expert?

Yes, and in my opinion the biggest disruptor to active listening is starting with how we perceive, think about and feel about the person speaking. For example: If a person is exercising all the effective listening behaviors and they are convinced the person is a liar, subconsciously, they are likely listening to validate their belief which can distort what and how they are hearing the speaker. My recommendation, in addition to being aware of listening habits; be aware of your perceptions, bias and potential limiting beliefs. Fun hack: When you learn a person’s intent, and motivation, and listen for common ground, it’s much easier to stay present in the conversation.

Active listening is a skill & an art that can be refined. Many of us may think we’re good listeners; but it’s key to self-assess. Active listening is generally about listening to understand, NOT about listening to respond, fix, solve, judge, offer advice, or agree/disagree. When we commit to listening to understand, paraphrase back what we’ve heard, use attentive & open body language, express empathy, and ask open & clarifying questions, there are many beneficial outcomes: we tend to deepen the connection we have with the person, soften the tone of the conversation, cultivate presence & mindfulness, build trust, create a safe space & regulate our nervous systems. Practice, practice, practice, & remember to breathe. That’s how we improve.

Reflect on your listening habits. Are you prone to interrupting, getting easily distracted, or forming snap judgments? Identifying areas for improvement is crucial.

Start by reflecting on your current listening habits and identifying areas for improvement. Consider factors such as your level of attentiveness, ability to empathize, and tendency to interrupt or jump to conclusions. By understanding your strengths and weaknesses as a listener, you can develop a targeted plan to enhance your active listening skills.

Self-reflection is critical. During the conversation, it is important to actively monitor ourselves by asking - how focused and invested might we appear to the other person? Does our listening send a message that we care about what is being said? Or, are we multi-tasking - answering calls, looking at our phones, or rushing around while the other person is speaking? We also must monitor our thoughts to ensure they are respectfully focused on the conversation at hand. Are we truly listening to the other person or are we planning for our next meeting? Are we attempting to better understand the other person by gathering information and context or have we now begun to defend ourselves or plan our response? Improvement requires self-knowledge.

Before engaging in conflict resolution, prepare yourself mentally to be present and focused. Eliminate distractions, relax, and ensure your body language communicates openness and receptiveness.

I have found that the most effective way to mentally prepare myself is by using my emotions as guides to my values and identity. Whenever I am confronted with a conflict, I follow a three-step process: ? Firstly, I try to understand and make sense of my emotions. ? Next, I identify the values that are at stake for me. ? Finally, I create a plan of action based on my values. By following this process, I am able to shift my focus from my emotions and behaviour to my core values and action plan.

In my book "Walking on Eggshells", I emphasize the importance of self-care and preparation before engaging with others. When you find yourself triggered by a hurtful comment or questionable behaviour, do not engage. Instead - do the 3Rs - Retreat, Regroup and Recharge. Look after the hurt, disappointed or angry person inside of you. Allow yourself time and space away from the tense situation. After a good night's sleep, prepare for the conversation. Ask yourself questions about what happened to better understand the situation requiring resolution. What about yesterday's email or meeting upset you? If you were to face the same circumstances next week, how would you prefer the other person to have acted. Now you're ready to engage others.

Prior to engaging in conflict resolution discussions, take the time to prepare yourself both mentally and physically. Clear your mind of distractions and focus on being fully present in the moment. Practice mindfulness techniques to cultivate a sense of calm and openness. Additionally, ensure that you are physically comfortable and positioned in a way that promotes attentive listening.

Be open-minded when going to resolve a conflict. There is not just one way in conflict resolution. Don't get stuck on solving the issue on your own terms. Relax.

Actively demonstrate your attention and interest through verbal cues like nodding and affirmations. Pay attention to non-verbal cues from others to understand their emotions and perspectives better.

Utilize both verbal and non-verbal cues to demonstrate your active listening engagement. Maintain eye contact with the speaker, nod in acknowledgement, and provide verbal affirmations such as "I see" or "I understand." Use open body language to convey receptiveness and interest in what the speaker is saying.

Words are very powerful as well as body language and facial expressions. Be mindful what you put out there. The little details are vital in resolving conflicts. Watch what you project.

Be mindful of common pitfalls such as making assumptions, interrupting, jumping to conclusions, or becoming defensive. Practice empathy and keep an open mind to truly understand the other person's point of view.

Be mindful of common listening pitfalls that can hinder effective communication, such as interrupting, offering unsolicited advice, or formulating responses before fully understanding the speaker's perspective. Practice patience and restraint, allowing the speaker to express themselves fully without judgment or interruption.

Regularly seek feedback from colleagues or mentors on your active listening skills. Identify areas for growth and seek out training or development opportunities. Continuous practice and constructive feedback are essential for improvement.

Seek feedback from colleagues, mentors, or trusted individuals who can provide valuable insights into your listening skills. Actively solicit feedback after conflict resolution sessions to identify areas for improvement and implement constructive feedback into your practice. Continuously strive to refine and enhance your active listening skills through ongoing learning and self-reflection.

In addition to the mentioned steps, consider practicing empathy and emotional intelligence to better understand the underlying emotions and perspectives in conflicts. Develop active listening as a habit in everyday interactions, not just during conflict resolution sessions. Utilize role-playing or simulation exercises to hone your skills in a safe environment. Remember that improvement takes time and patience, so be persistent in your efforts and celebrate small victories along the way.

In addition to the above strategies, consider the cultural and contextual nuances that may influence effective listening in conflict resolution scenarios. Be sensitive to cultural differences in communication styles, body language, and conversational norms. Tailor your approach to accommodate diverse perspectives and create an inclusive environment where all parties feel heard and valued. Remember that active listening is a skill that requires continuous practice and refinement, and by committing to its development, you can significantly enhance your effectiveness as a conflict resolution expert.