What do you do if you're struggling to comprehend and engage with others through active listening?

A big tip for a coach, manager, leader who is struggling to comprehend or 'hear' during a period where they are supposed to be engaged in active listening....If you have chatter in your head ( such as formulating a response or next question) then this means you are NOT actively listening. In my experience from working with developing skills in thousands, over the years, I notice Self Trust has a lot to do with this. Get engaged with an 'empty head' to listen, truly listen, and back yourself that you will have and be enough to respond , once you have heard!

You can try removing the thought of responding. Many people listen only to have their say, if you’re finding this is the case, challenge yourself not to express your opinion and instead to only listen and respond to what the other person is saying.

Recognize barriers to active listening, such as distractions, preconceptions, or personal biases. Acknowledge these obstacles and actively work to overcome them. Practice mindfulness techniques to improve focus and presence. Challenge assumptions and actively seek to understand others' perspectives. By recognizing and addressing barriers, you can enhance your ability to comprehend and engage with others through active listening.

Being self-aware of what is blocking you from being fully present and listening actively is key. To stay out of your thoughts, it probably helps to recognize what feelings and emotions come up during your interaction. If you can regulate those emotions, you liberate your mind to some extent of these barriers.

Think about how engaging with genuine curiosity can significantly enhance your active listening skills. Try approaching conversations with the intent to learn and understand, rather than to respond. You'll open yourself to deeper insights into the speaker’s thoughts and feelings.

To stay present during active listening, focus on the speaker without distractions. Practice mindfulness techniques to center your attention on the conversation. Avoid mentally preparing responses or drifting off-topic. By staying present, you can fully absorb the speaker's message, understand their perspective, and engage meaningfully in the conversation.

Being present is a challenge for many people today. We can practice staying present with others by staying present with our thoughts. Mindfulness meditation teaches you to remain present in the moment, which will benefit you in everyday situations.

Staying present involves focusing your attention on the speaker and the conversation at hand. Avoid multitasking or letting your mind wander. If you find your attention drifting, gently bring it back to the conversation.

La escucha es una habilidad que requiere de entrenamiento para poder que sea efectiva, dedica de manera intencional varias conversaciones del día para estar enfocado en el presente, desde la conversación del desayuno con tu pareja como esa charla casual con amigos pueden ser momentos para generar una mayor densidad atencional que es la capacidad de tu cerebro de permanecer conectado con todos los sentidos en una conversación, recuerda que entre más lo practique mejor desempe?o tendrás.

Focusing on the person's words, tone of voice, body language, and facial expression allows one to maintain presence, and one tends to comprehend better. Remember, holding space for someone and allowing them to express themselves with vulnerability is powerful. Allow for pauses and hold your response until you are certain they have shared fully. If you are not sure they feel complete, it is sometimes helpful to ask, "What else would you like to share?" or "Is there anything else I need to know so I fully understand how you feel?" Withholding your response and asking these types of questions shows your respect and desire to understand their perspective.

Mind your body language to enhance active listening. Maintain eye contact and adopt an open posture to convey attentiveness and engagement. Minimize fidgeting or other distracting movements. Reflect the speaker's emotions through nonverbal cues like nodding or facial expressions. By minding your body language, you signal respect and receptiveness, facilitating better communication and understanding during active listening.

Body language can convey many things, among them your engagement in a conversation. Try leaning forward, tilting your head slightly to the side, and raising your eyebrows slightly during interesting points. Those nonverbal cues signal interest and engagement in the interaction with another person.

Your body language can also impact your ability to listen actively. Maintain eye contact, nod to show understanding, and avoid crossing your arms or looking at your phone. These non-verbal cues can help you stay engaged in the conversation.

While you are being mindful of the speaker's body language, don't forget that your body language is being consumed and measured as well. While speaking, the person is also subconsciously reading your body language. Eye contact, facial expressions, and head movements indicate you are listening and comprehending the speaker. An occasional empathetic facial expression or head tilt can do wonders to make the speaker more comfortable and feel safer as they share with you. Ensure you keep an open body posture by uncrossing your legs and arms. If you are in person, try to sit or stand where physical objects such as tables and desks are not acting as a physical barrier.

Litterally our bodies will resist listening, we will move our legs, scratch ourselves, nod. When the best way to let the other person talk is to give them space which starts by not moving much.

Reflecting and clarifying are essential components of active listening. Reflect back on what the speaker has said to ensure understanding and convey empathy. Clarify any points of confusion or ambiguity by asking relevant questions. This demonstrates your commitment to comprehending the speaker's message and fosters clearer communication.

Reflecting and clarifying what you heard before you respond is important. Paraphrasing the message ensures you accurately understand the message the speaker intended to relay. Misinterpreting an important message can add to the challenge at hand. Seeking clarification shows you care and allows the speaker to be seen. Reflecting and clarifying also allows you to more fully process the message and formulate your thoughtful response. Creating dialogue using thoughtful inquiry and curiosity can help the speaker more fully process emotion and potentially reach a conclusion with little added effort.

If you’re struggling to understand, don’t hesitate to ask for clarification. You can also reflect back what you’ve heard to confirm your understanding. This shows the speaker that you’re engaged and trying to understand their perspective.

In my experience, I've found that paraphrasing or summarizing the speaker's points has been incredibly valuable. I always follow this technique and its rewarding. I ask clarifying questions without hesitation, which has helped in fostering open communication within the team.

How do you reflect about something ? Journaling is a good one. What would have I done differently ? Why ? Was I emotional in some ways ? Were my emotions necessary ? (spoiler alert they never are). The ultimate test will be siting down in silence for an extended period of time if we are not being harrassed by our own thoughts then maybe we did our best. We can ask people present to give us angles we might not have perceived initially.

Managing emotions is crucial for effective active listening. Stay calm and composed, even in challenging or emotionally charged situations. Practice self-awareness to recognize and regulate your own emotions. Empathize with the speaker's emotions, but remain objective and focused on understanding their message. By managing emotions, you create a supportive environment for communication and demonstrate your ability to listen attentively.

When distressing emotions arise during your conversation, it helps hugely to label them directly to regulate them effectively and engage further with the other person.

Emotions are just sensations, when something is said or perceived that heightens our arousal/sympathetic state it is critical to recognise it.

If the conversation is emotionally charged, try to manage your emotions. Stay calm and composed, even if you disagree with what’s being said. Remember, it’s okay to take a moment to collect your thoughts before responding.

Regulating our nervous systems is critical to thinking clearly and communicating effectively. Breathing, cold exposure, signing, so many ways.

Try to understand the speaker’s perspective and feelings. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with them, but showing empathy can help you connect on a deeper level and foster better communication.

Empathy involves an effort to try to understand the reality of the talker point of view and from the emotional state in which he or she is at this present moment. It requires a process of emptying, avoiding the interference that involves thinking about how I would react in the circumstances that the talker is describing since my background, my skills and my personality are different from those the talker has.

Practice makes perfect. Active listening is a skill that can be improved over time. Also, remember that it’s okay to ask for a pause if you need time to process information. Lastly, always respect the speaker’s feelings and perspectives, even if they differ from your own.