What do you do if your response to negative feedback is defensive?

In my role as a commercial banker, I've encountered moments of defensiveness when receiving feedback. Recently, a colleague questioned my risk assessment on a complex loan application. Initially defensive, I realized this stemmed from a desire to uphold the accuracy of my evaluations. By actively listening, asking clarifying questions, and expressing gratitude for the feedback, I transformed the interaction into a collaborative opportunity. I then provided them more insights into the underwriting process and teh Bank's guidelines to enhance understanding. Reflecting on this experience, I've learned that embracing feedback with openness and actively listening to the other person's concerns fosters growth and collaboration.

"Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people." - Carl Jung. In my recent roundtable with industry peers, we delved into the power of recognizing our defensive triggers. It's a game-changer. Understanding what makes us feel attacked or belittled can help us respond more constructively to feedback. What triggers your defensiveness, and how do you handle it? Join the conversation. Let's share strategies and grow together.

To identify triggers of defensive reactions after negative feedback as a Business Development Manager, actively listen and note specific feedback points that elicit strong responses. Encourage open, two-way communication to understand perspectives. Utilize reflective techniques, asking the team to paraphrase the feedback, to ensure comprehension and reduce misinterpretation. Regularly review feedback methods and content to discern patterns or specific trigger themes. Additionally, foster a supportive environment that emphasizes growth and learning from feedback rather than focusing solely on criticism.

To identify triggers of defensive reactions after negative feedback as a Business Development Manager, actively listen and note specific feedback points that elicit strong responses. Encourage open, two-way communication to understand perspectives. Utilize reflective techniques, asking the team to paraphrase the feedback, to ensure comprehension and reduce misinterpretation. Regularly review feedback methods and content to discern patterns or specific trigger themes. Additionally, foster a supportive environment that emphasizes growth and learning from feedback rather than focusing solely on criticism.

To be a good listener as a Business Development Manager, focus on active listening by giving full attention to the speaker, maintaining eye contact, and avoiding interruptions. Summarize and reflect back what you've heard to ensure understanding. Ask open-ended questions to encourage further discussion. Show empathy and understanding of the speaker's perspective. Avoid jumping to conclusions or giving advice too quickly. Lastly, practice patience and be present in the moment, demonstrating your genuine interest in the conversation.

Always ask for specific examples so you can reasonably learn from them in the future. Remember, perception is reality, so even if you don't think the feedback is accurate, doesn't mean that it isn't accurate for someone else.

When faced with defensiveness, active listening can help defuse the situation. Remain attentive, maintain eye contact, and show empathy. Avoid interrupting, stay non-judgmental, and ask open-ended questions to encourage the person to express their thoughts and feelings. Reflect on their words and emotions to show understanding and validate their perspective. This approach promotes a safer and more collaborative environment for effective communication and conflict resolution.

Begin by taking a moment to pause and reflect before responding, allowing yourself time to process the feedback without immediate reaction. Acknowledge your emotions but strive to separate them from the objective content of the feedback. Practice active listening, focusing on understanding the perspective and intentions behind the feedback, rather than preparing a counterargument. Remind yourself of the value of constructive criticism in personal and professional growth, and express gratitude for the feedback, showing openness to improvement.

In feedback meetings, effective questions include: "What do you think went well and why?" to identify strengths; "What challenges did you encounter and how did you address them?" for understanding obstacles and resilience; "How can I or the team better support your work?" to offer assistance; "What are your key goals for the next period?" for future planning; and "Do you have any feedback for me or the organization?" to encourage reciprocal feedback and show openness to improvement. These questions foster a constructive dialogue, highlighting achievements, challenges, and ways to enhance support and performance.

After a feedback meeting, promptly summarize key points and action items, and share them with your team to ensure clarity and alignment. Prioritize the feedback based on urgency and impact. Develop a clear action plan with specific, measurable objectives, assign responsibilities, and set deadlines. For critical issues, consider forming task groups to address them. Schedule follow-up meetings to review progress and hold everyone accountable. Encourage open communication and offer support where needed. Recognize and celebrate progress and successes to motivate the team. This approach ensures that feedback is effectively transformed into actionable steps, fostering continuous improvement and team development.

Reflection is essential in managing feedback constructively as it allows individuals to process the feedback received, gain valuable insights, and identify areas for improvement. Through reflection, individuals can analyze their strengths and weaknesses, understand different perspectives, and determine the best course of action moving forward. It provides an opportunity for self-awareness, growth, and continuous learning. By reflecting on feedback, individuals can turn criticism into opportunities for personal and professional development, ultimately leading to enhanced performance and success. Incorporate a ritual in your end of day where you put aside time to reflect and measure the events of the day. It’s worked wonders for me.

In all scenarios impulsiveness would cost you long term so take a breath zoom out and practice active listening and keep an open mind. Acknowledge the feedback without immediate justification. Take time to reflect on the points raised and evaluate them objectively. Seek clarification if needed and view the feedback as an opportunity for growth. Develop an action plan to address any valid concerns and communicate your commitment to improvement.

There tends to be a lot of ego and insecurity pent up in feedback - both giving it and receiving it. There's nothing shameful in getting constructive feedback, if you can learn and grow from it. Be humble and open minded when in doubt.

Take a moment Keep Calm and Composed Reflect Don't take it Personally Carefully Communicate Apologize and Learn A key strategy to respond more positively is to assume good intentions from the person providing the feedback. In dealing with feedback, try to find a common ground & seek further clarification if needed. If you feel upset or unable to keep your emotions in check, it can be helpful to ask for some time to process the information. Remember, reacting negatively or defensively to feedback can damage relationships, reputations, & stunt your professional growth. Working on developing a more constructive response to negative feedback can lead to improvements in your performance, relationships, & overall professional development.