What do you do if your mentor-mentee relationship in Software Project Management is not working out?

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Mentorship is a valuable way to learn and grow as a software project manager, but what if your relationship with your mentor or mentee is not working out? Maybe you have different expectations, communication styles, or goals. Maybe you feel like you are not getting enough feedback, support, or challenge. Maybe you have a personality clash, a conflict of interest, or a lack of trust. Whatever the reason, a dysfunctional mentor-mentee relationship can be frustrating, demotivating, and harmful to your career. In this article, we will explore some steps you can take to address and resolve the issues, or to end the relationship gracefully if necessary.

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Jorge Tavira, PMP?, CSM?

Senior Project Manager @ Caixa Geral Angola Bank | Agile Project Management with a focus on customer value | Scrum…

1 Assess the situation

The first step is to honestly assess the situation and identify the root causes of the problem. Is it a matter of mismatched skills, styles, or expectations? Is it a temporary issue that can be resolved with some adjustments or compromises? Or is it a deeper or chronic issue that cannot be fixed or tolerated? You can use tools like SWOT analysis, feedback surveys, or SMART goals to evaluate the strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats of your relationship, as well as the specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound objectives you want to achieve. You can also seek input from other mentors, mentees, or colleagues who can offer an outsider's perspective or advice.

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Jorge Tavira, PMP?, CSM?

Senior Project Manager @ Caixa Geral Angola Bank | Agile Project Management with a focus on customer value | Scrum Master
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If the mentor-mentee relationship in Software Project Management is not working out, I would first attempt to address any issues directly with the mentor or mentee, expressing concerns and exploring ways to improve the relationship. If resolution is not achieved, I would consider seeking a new mentor or mentee who is better aligned with my goals, communication style, and expectations. It's important to prioritize a positive and productive mentor-mentee dynamic for mutual growth and development.

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Andres F. R.
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Una cuestión importante. Lo que puede ayudar en estos casos es la comprensión, comprender que es lo que sucede con el aprendiz y darle las herramientas necesarias y así pueda lograr superar dicho(s) obstáculo(s). Al tratarse de forma crónica le estás dando todo lo contrario y le hacéis parte del sometimiento a algo que tal vez reside en el mentor y hasta en los mismos pilares sociales. << Quitando de lado el preciso ejemplo médico (haciendo referencia a un tumor) >>. Sin embargo, hay un dicho y cito, "todo tiene cura y si no la hay es porque el dilema está en tí." éxitos a quién encuentre algo relevante en esto, saludos ????.

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Gil Figueroa
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I'm speaking from the mentor perspective. Yes, you need to assess the situation. The other person is a human being, so it's important to keep that in mind at all times. You can simply as a few key questions and go from there: 1. How well do you think I'm doing as a mentor? 2. How well do you think our partnership (mentor-mentee relationship) is going? 3. What value are you hoping to get from our partnership? There are lots of other possible questions and you should think about them before asking. Make sure the questions are open ended and non-threatening. They should come from your actual curiosity to understand what is happening. Don't focus on fixing anything, just understanding.

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2 Communicate openly

The next step is to communicate openly and respectfully with your mentor or mentee about the issues you have identified. You should avoid blaming, accusing, or criticizing, and instead use constructive feedback, active listening, and empathy. You should also express your appreciation, expectations, and needs, and ask for theirs. You should try to understand their point of view, acknowledge their feelings, and validate their contributions. You should also be clear about your boundaries, goals, and preferences, and seek agreement on how to proceed. You can use techniques like the feedback sandwich, the STAR method, or the RAP model to structure your communication in a positive, specific, and actionable way.

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Gil Figueroa
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Communicating openly is important, but it only works if the other person is listening and hearing you. This has been a helpful, guiding principal in all my mentor-mentee relationships: People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.

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3 Implement changes

The third step is to implement the changes you have agreed on with your mentor or mentee. You should follow up on your action plans, monitor your progress, and evaluate your results. You should also provide regular feedback, support, and recognition to each other, and celebrate your achievements. You should also be flexible, adaptable, and open to learning from each other. You should also review your relationship periodically and make adjustments as needed. You can use tools like Kanban boards, checklists, or calendars to organize your tasks, deadlines, and meetings. You can also use methods like the PDCA cycle, the SMART criteria, or the OKR framework to plan, do, check, and act on your goals, measure your performance, and align your outcomes.

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Gil Figueroa
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As a scrum master and a mentor, I take a slightly less formal structure to my relationships. The goal is to have a relationship so the mentee eagerly seeks out your advice for something new or your review of some skill learned. A good sign is when the mentee says: - Hey, I built my first Kanban board by myself and I'd like to show it to you to see if I did it right. - I'm starting my first PI without your assistance next week. Do you have some time to help me prepare? I'm pretty sure I got it, but I'd like you feedback anyway. The mentor-mentee relationship is a two way street.

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4 End gracefully

The final step is to end the relationship gracefully if you cannot resolve the issues or if you have reached your goals. You should thank your mentor or mentee for their time, effort, and insights, and acknowledge their impact on your growth. You should also provide constructive feedback, suggestions, and referrals for their future development. You should also maintain a professional and cordial relationship, and keep in touch as appropriate. You should also reflect on your learnings, challenges, and achievements, and apply them to your next steps. You can use tools like exit interviews, testimonials, or certificates to formalize the end of the relationship. You can also use methods like the GROW model, the SWOT analysis, or the career ladder to identify your strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and goals for your next mentorship or career move.

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Gil Figueroa
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I don't believe you should end the relationship gracefully. If there was a time-frame for the relationship, it sort of ends without anyone ending it. Whatever event or date dictates the end of the relationship, I don't see it ending. To me, the best "ending" is when you can say "It's been great working with you and I'll be there whenever you need me. And I'm sure you'll be there whenever I need you." That doesn't feel like an ending to me, but a transformation to the next step in the relationship.

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5 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?

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What do you do if your mentor-mentee relationship in Software Project Management is not working out?

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1 Assess the situation

2 Communicate openly

3 Implement changes

4 End gracefully

5 Here’s what else to consider

Software Project Management

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What do you do if your mentor-mentee relationship in Software Project Management is not working out?

1

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3

4

5

1 Assess the situation

2 Communicate openly

3 Implement changes

4 End gracefully

5 Here’s what else to consider

Software Project Management

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