What do you do if your feedback is causing more harm than good?

Having the right intention and correct techniques to give feedback are as important as having the courage, humility and desire to hear it on the other side. It is absolutely true to that most people when they hear "would you like some feedback", they think of being told off for something, criticised, questioned or "sacrificed" on the altar of candid candour due to its misunderstood or misused concepts. Effective feedback requires the presence of psychological safety in a team, trust between 2 people, motivation to consider and/or act on it and cognitive diversity to make it useful and interesting instead of repeating the same thing or using empty buzzwords.

Feedback needs to be given in a manner that it can be received. Your body language, tone of voice, and cadence of delivery influence how people interpret your feedback more than the words themselves. Maintain an open body stance, speak in a softer tone, and talk in a way that’s deliberate and slower.

There is a difference between feedback and criticism. Criticism is trying to change the person. Feedback is trying to change the behaviour. I always enter every conversation asking myself "Is what I am about to say going to build the relationship or break the relationship?". Yes, there are sometimes that you need to break the relationship but more often than not, feedback should be geared to helping the individual grow and develop into what they can become.

Based on my extensive experience, I always start by reflecting when feedback seems harmful. I ask myself tough questions: Is there truth in the feedback, even if it's difficult to accept? Are there actions or behaviors I can adjust? Self-reflection helps me discern between constructive criticism and baseless negativity. It's a crucial step in turning feedback, even harsh criticism, into an opportunity for growth.

In today's workplace context, managers should practice feedforward instead of feedback. In feedforward, the focus is on the present and future possibilities. It would not only require open lines of communication but also build mutual trust, respect, and active listening. And it will only come if the manager is flexible and open to embrace change. The organizational culture should also be supportive and display agility and openness to improve organization-wide productivity and effectiveness.

People become defensive when they feel you are questioning their competence and abilities. Ask questions to better understand the person’s decision making process. By using this approach, you draw people to the conclusion instead of providing it directly. You can ask: 1. Tell me about your thought process when doing ______. 2. What influenced the choice to do x instead of y? 3. We typically do a, what led you to the conclusion to do b? Once you better understand their approach, then provide specific feedback to guide them in a different direction.

I always make it a priority to seek understanding when faced with feedback that seems harmful. I approach the feedback giver with an open mind and genuine curiosity. By engaging in a conversation, I aim to clarify their perspective and intentions behind the feedback. Understanding their concerns and the impact of my actions fosters trust and enables constructive dialogue, leading to mutual understanding and potential resolution.

I am a big advocate of transforming a feedback conversation into a discovery meeting. This should be a two-way street, and to allow for a dialogue, ask questions. My go-to examples: - How well are you meeting expectations in this area (eg performance)? - If you had to give yourself advice in this situation, what would it be? - What are your ideas to fill in the gaps? - What do you have working for you that you can build on? - How willing are you to strengthen your performance in this area? - What did you find most insightful in the feedback you’ve received? - How will you use this feedback to your advantage? - How can you create a system that enables success?

I think it's important from the beginning to set a consistent structure to how feedback is delivered. It's important to get buy-in from team members on the approach and delivery, while also remembering to include what's already going well as one of the elements. Ask each team member for the best way for them to receive feedback (timing, frequency, etc.) and be intentional about incorporating this into your work relationship with them.

When feedback is more harmful than helpful, I adjust my approach by focusing on the constructive elements. I analyze the feedback for actionable insights and areas where I can improve. Then, I adapt my strategies and behaviors accordingly. This proactive approach allows me to turn negative feedback into an opportunity for growth and development.

Your feedback should be helpful, not harm. If there is any potential to cause harm, you need to re-evaluate your intent and delivery method. Drawing from my experience in the military and running a business, after asking the recipient how they would like to receive feedback, I then rely on the ISAID framework for effective feedback: I – Intent: Clarify why feedback is given and its benefits. S – Self-Assess: Encourage the recipient to reflect on the situation. A – Actions: Provide specific, non-judgmental evidence of what occurred. I – Impact: Consider perspectives beyond your own. D – Do: Outline the next steps, actions, and accountability. Then, ensure you follow up and provide support as needed to ensure growth and improvement.

There are various approaches to provide feedback. One of the managers in my team used to first ask her team members which approach they are comfortable with and would begin providing feedback with that approach. This way it was more acceptable and gave her an opportunity to tune her approach based on individual and also the frame of mind of the person that day.

If you give feedback and no support, its unlikely you will see change. Not every situation requires extensive support but where you want to see considerable behaviour change, you need to be prepared to put the time in with the team.

Offering support means acknowledging the impact of the feedback on the individual and providing assistance to help them navigate through it. I express empathy and understanding while offering encouragement and resources for improvement. Whether it's offering to brainstorm solutions together or simply being there to listen, providing support can help the individual feel valued and empowered to address the feedback constructively.

I keep a close eye on progress after addressing the feedback. This involves checking in regularly, providing ongoing support, and offering guidance as needed. Monitoring progress allows for course corrections and ensures that improvements are sustained over time. It's a proactive way to ensure that the individual continues to grow and develop beyond the initial feedback conversation.

Fostering a culture of constructive feedback means creating an environment where open communication is valued and encouraged. I lead by example, offering feedback in a respectful and supportive manner. I promote a growth mindset, emphasizing the importance of learning from mistakes and continuously improving. By nurturing this culture, everyone feels empowered to share feedback and contribute to each other's growth and development.

I 100% agree that nurturing an environment that embraces radical candor in communication is essential for personal and professional development. Promoting increased self-awareness in feedback interactions can greatly strengthen individuals and teams. It's motivating to witness the acknowledgment of how continous feedback is instrumental in fostering a robust and encouraging team atmosphere.

There are two things here - communications only works if it is getting received as it is intended- if not, it is important to look back and analyse who the feedback is for and provide it in a manner that you ( as their manager ) think would work best. At other times it's a culture issue, and there needs to be a separate conversation on org culture before we can move to positive feedback.

Giving & receiving feedback is an art While giving feedback - if you just keep on saying only good things, team members may not find any value to it & may not know where to improve And if you just keep in providing negative feedback - they may get disheartened & won't dare to ask for it again Hence a striking balance between positive & negative feedback with specific points of improvement & suggestions to improve can do wonders. Same goes while receiving feedback While receiving - receive it with an open mind & analyse the same. If you find it logical,just implement & if it doesn't, you need not worry & just go on.

Absolutely, mastering the art of giving and receiving feedback is crucial for fostering growth and development within a team. Balancing positive and negative feedback, along with specific points for improvement, helps maintain motivation and direction. Likewise, being open-minded while receiving feedback allows for constructive analysis and implementation of valuable suggestions.

That is not a good sign. Assess the situation immediately as even despite your best intentions it's causing harm Sometimes it may notvhave been understood correctly

The main purpose of feedback is to foster culture of self improvement and team development. One has to be reassess the approach and make necessary adjustments to ensure that the feedback is constructive and supports positive development. Reassess, reflect and adjust the style of communication to be seen as facilitator rather then impediment towards growth. Mutual understanding, open communication without any inhibitions and prejudice, encouraging two way communication to empower & encourage, establish ownership and lead to positive outcome.