What do you do if your coach gives you constructive criticism?

Receiving criticism, even constructive, is tough. To simplify the process, listen actively: do not interrupt, do not defend, stay focused, and try to understand what a coach says and why. Constructive criticism is about improving your results to the desired state, not assaulting your personality. If it will help you, imagine the coach saying it about your clone, whom they wish all the best.

To actively listen is a skill which may need practice especially if its a zoom or small group feedback. Also coaches are not there to do your work for you, they are there to actively encourage advancement in whatever area you are engaging in. Feedback should always be constructive and pointing a way forward.

As someone being coached, you need to separate your own emotions from the feedback. This may take some time, so plan for the space when receiving feedback. Once you have processed your emotional response, then try to understand the recommendations that lie within the criticism. Often-times, coaches will build in motivation along with criticism. Seek feedback and understanding from your coach, try to understand where the criticism is coming from and focus on the specific points. This can help you minimise your emotional response and begin to work through the criticism to better your approach and yourself.

Some of the best moments in a coaching call are when your coach changes the subject abruptly and asks, "May I reflect something back to you that might seem a little spicy?" That's when your instincts are on high alert. That's when they're not speaking to the situation you brought to the call. Your coach is there to see you and to see beneath the patterns that you follow habitually. When they see you are stuck somewhere, or that you're out of balance in some aspect of your life, that's when you are going to be getting the best value for money. That's when you're going to get an essential clue as to how to live in a new way.

Take your time to reflect… it might be an idea to ask for time to reflect before responding to the feedback. As it’s a coaching session, also communicate the feelings you have in response to the feedback. A wholistic conversation in coaching can be very rewarding. Processing and explaining your feelings can help you identify them better, and ultimately massage yourself more effectively.

Want to know more, but make sure they are constructive questions. You might want to ask it’s ok to reflect first, and then have a follow up conversation with your questions.

The best way to ask questions about someone else's feedback is to start it with "Am I understand, right, that...?" and repeat what the coach said as you understood it. This will ensure you are on the same page; if not, your coach will clarify their thoughts.

It should always come from a good place from the coach, based on their observations. Let’s assume good intent, so some reflection time may be required. Can you see the truth in what they are saying?

Take every feedback with a grain of salt. That doesn’t mean you have to implement all feedbacks, even from your coach. Coaching and mentoring is two way street. If something is really not aligning with you, speak up and talk to your coach. It’s your coach’s responsibility to also listen actively and guide you the most effective way you resonate with.