What do you do if your assertiveness training isn't helping you in a leadership position?

Great leaders are not only known for their assertiveness, and some not at all, but many are known for their ability to inspire and motivate those around them. As you reflect on the qualities you admire in leaders, remember that assertiveness is just one brushstroke in a larger masterpiece of your leadership style. Use it wisely, as a tool to sculpt a leadership identity that uplifts and empowers others.

If assertiveness training isn't boosting your leadership, rethink your goals. Reflect on whether assertiveness aligns with your leadership style or if other skills are needed. Adjust training to focus on communication, empathy, or problem-solving if necessary. Flexibility in approach is key to effective leadership development.

Feedback is a gift and it can help us grow and develop, unfortunately, not everyone will jump up and provide feedback unasked. This is your opportunity to set the groundwork and ask for open and specific feedback on how your approach might not be working. It is important to go into those feedback sessions or emails with the mindset to understand, develop, and grow. See all the feedback as opportunities to improve and not as a criticism of your character. This helps to put you in a relaxed state rather than a possible defensive state. Also very important is to genuinely thank them for their feedback, this will help in future instances where you might want feedback in the future.

A quick mindfulness exercise you can try is Notice, Name, Normalize. In this exercise, you non-judgmentally notice the thoughts, sensations, feelings, and urges coming up for you (i.e. I notice I'm having the thought that...). Then you label the emotion you're feeling (I feel nervous). Finally, normalize your experience by being kind to yourself. Everyone experiences uncomfortable feelings at some time or another. Remind yourself that it's OK to feel the way that you're feeling and decide what you need to do to take care of yourself in this moment.

Assertiveness has its place in leadership; however, I feel it’s collaboration that often turns good leaders into great ones. It’s about harnessing collective strengths, fostering team unity, and achieving shared goals for impactful results. Reassess personal goals to align with team objectives, actively seek and value feedback, practice mindfulness to remain open to new ideas, and adjust communication to be inclusive and encouraging. This approach not only reduces stress but also elevates the entire team's performance.