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What do you do if your assertiveness is being undermined in the workplace?

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Being assertive in the workplace means expressing your opinions, needs, and boundaries in a respectful and confident way. It can help you communicate effectively, build trust, and resolve conflicts. However, sometimes your assertiveness may be challenged or undermined by others who are more aggressive, passive, or manipulative. How do you deal with such situations without losing your self-esteem or compromising your values? Here are some tips to help you.

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Atharva Deshpande

HR Business Partner | Stakeholder Management | Active Listening

1 Identify the source

The first step is to identify who is undermining your assertiveness and why. Is it a colleague, a manager, a client, or someone else? What are their motives, goals, and behaviors? Are they trying to intimidate, dominate, or sabotage you? Or are they insecure, resentful, or envious of you? Understanding the source of the problem can help you prepare a suitable response and avoid taking it personally.

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Alejandra Del Fabro

Educación e Inteligencia Emocional | Neurodiversidad | Creatividad | Neuroeducación ??
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Un ejemplo práctico ante esta situación sería: en el trabajo, un colega socava constantemente tu autoridad interrumpiendo tus presentaciones. Decides abordar la situación identificando sus motivos, como la envidia o la inseguridad. En lugar de confrontarlo directamente, optas por una conversación empática para abordar la tensión y promover una colaboración más efectiva.

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Russell D'souza

Crew Support Specialist @ Riyadh Air | Transforming the future of travel | Flight Operations | Airlines & Aviation | CIPD Level 5 in progress | People Management | HR Professional
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The first step would be to identify the root cause of exactly how assertiveness is being undermined. Is it coming from a particular colleague, manager or team in general. Next conduct a self assessment reflecting on personal behavior and communication style.Be clear, direct,assertive and let others know what behaviors are not acceptable. Practice and use assertive responses including strong confident body language and a firm tone of voice that is respectful at the same time.Document incidents where assertiveness is undermined and address them clearly and openly. Should this still persist then escalate to higher management for further action and disciplinary measures if appropriate.

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Cher Anderton, MSW, LICSW

Speaker | Therapist | Author of "Could it be Better? | Trauma Informed Practices and Social Emotional Health Expert | I help you do well so you can be well
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We first want to go inward and be self-reflective because often we have unhelpful stories about what we experience. We want to make sure we own what is ours in our interactions with others. If we find, after self-reflection, that we are being undermined then we want to follow the ladder concept - begin with a conversation that centers curiosity with the person/people you are being undermined by. If you don't feel seen and heard in that conversation, move up the next rung of the ladder to connecting with team leaders, then HR professionals and so on.

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2 Choose your battles

The next step is to decide whether you need to address the issue or not. Sometimes, it may not be worth your time and energy to confront someone who is deliberately trying to provoke you or who is not open to feedback. In such cases, you may choose to ignore them, avoid them, or report them to a higher authority. However, if the issue is affecting your work performance, your relationships, or your well-being, you may need to take action and stand up for yourself.

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Atharva Deshpande

HR Business Partner | Stakeholder Management | Active Listening
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In such a scenario, it is definitely important to choose your battles. Take the time to give this a serious thought, consult people you can trust to figure out what would be the best course of action, evaluate where is this originating from, if it is from one person or a set of people and if required, be prepared to discuss with them as to what is causing this friction, then take a decision whether to address it which would require patient efforts or leave it as is & move on to something else wherein it does not affect you anymore.

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Alejandra Del Fabro

Educación e Inteligencia Emocional | Neurodiversidad | Creatividad | Neuroeducación ??
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En mi experiencia personal, aplico el principio de "Elegir qué batallas librar" en diversas áreas de la vida, como en el trabajo, las relaciones personales o en la resolución de conflictos. Reconozco la importancia de seleccionar cuidadosamente en qué situaciones decido involucrarme. Se requiere habilidad para entender que no todas las disputas o desafíos merecen mi energía y atención. En lugar de gastar recursos valiosos en cada peque?a confrontación, priorizo y reservo estos recursos para los conflictos que son realmente significativos o tienen un impacto sustancial en mis metas o mi vida. La idea central es ejercer discernimiento y estrategia en la elección de mis batallas para maximizar mis esfuerzos y recursos disponibles.

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3 Use assertive communication

The third step in successful communication is to express your feelings, thoughts, and needs clearly and respectfully using assertive communication skills. You can do this by using "I" statements to own your feelings and opinions, backing up points with facts and evidence, using positive and constructive language to avoid blame or criticism, actively listening to show respect and empathy, and using body language and tone of voice that convey confidence and sincerity. For example, you might say "I feel frustrated when you interrupt me" or "I think we should try a different approach," while maintaining eye contact and speaking calmly.

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Alejandra Del Fabro

Educación e Inteligencia Emocional | Neurodiversidad | Creatividad | Neuroeducación ??
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Estas frases, que tengo anotadas a modo de recordatorio, me resultan muy útiles: "Me siento valorado cuando recibimos retroalimentación constructiva". "Aprecio tu honestidad y tu disposición para resolver este problema". "Me gusta cómo compartes tus ideas de manera clara y directa". "Siento que estamos avanzando positivamente cuando colaboramos de esta manera". "Me gusta tu enfoque proactivo para abordar los desafíos". "Me siento optimista sobre nuestros proyectos cuando tenemos discusiones abiertas y honestas". "Valoraría mucho tu contribución y tus ideas en esta situación". "Creo que podemos superar este obstáculo si trabajamos juntos como equipo". "Me siento inspirado por tu dedicación y compromiso con nuestro objetivo común".

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Michael Gibbons, MBA

I help new and mid-career minority government employees navigate professionally. Empowering Black & Minority Feds to Succeed | Logistics Director & DEIA Advocate | Host of Black Office Unlocked Podcast
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Using "I" statements vice "You" is VERY effective. It keeps the focus on the issues versus the person. For example, "During the meeting, when you mentioned that 'I don't read emails' because if I did, I would have understood the purpose of the email". When I heard that It made me feel misunderstood and attacked. That is a better why of communicating vice saying "When you said that during the meeting you misspoke and you are the one who doesn't know what they are talking about..." This approach redirects the pointing finger from outward to a person...to inward, to myself.

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4 Set boundaries and expectations

The fourth step is to set boundaries and expectations for yourself and others. You can do this by saying "no" to unreasonable requests or demands that violate your rights, values, or goals. Additionally, you can ask for what you want or need in a polite and direct way. When possible, negotiate and compromise. Lastly, clarify and confirm the outcomes and consequences of your actions and those of others. For example, if someone does something, you can say "I will do that" or "If you don't do this, this will happen".

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5 Seek support and feedback

The fifth step in being assertive in the workplace is to seek support and feedback from others who can help you or validate you. You can do this by asking for advice from someone who has more experience, knowledge, or authority; seeking feedback from someone who can give you honest and constructive criticism; joining a network or a group of people who share your values, goals, or interests; or seeking professional help if you feel overwhelmed, stressed, or depressed. Taking these steps can be challenging, yet rewarding as it can enhance your emotional intelligence, improve your work performance, and boost your self-confidence.

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6 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?

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What do you do if your assertiveness is being undermined in the workplace?

1

2

3

4

5

6

1 Identify the source

2 Choose your battles

3 Use assertive communication

4 Set boundaries and expectations

5 Seek support and feedback

6 Here’s what else to consider

Emotional Intelligence

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What do you do if your assertiveness is being undermined in the workplace?

1

2

3

4

5

6

1 Identify the source

2 Choose your battles

3 Use assertive communication

4 Set boundaries and expectations

5 Seek support and feedback

6 Here’s what else to consider

Emotional Intelligence

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