What do you do if emotions escalate during performance evaluations?

There should be no surprises at a performance evaluation meeting. Regular feedback should be given in regular, 1:1 meetings. At least weekly especially if there are concerns.

Whether you are the person giving the feedback or the person receiving it - remember that it can feel like a lot is at stake, however, this is one part of your life, and in most cases its not a threat to it. If you are the person on the giving end, remember to connect first, and set an atmosphere of safety before you start getting into the details.

Primarily performance feedback is a highly emotionally charged event because many things ride on it- Your standing in the team, organization and your personal brand. Thus, the good news is that those who take the feedback “personally” they are also committed to doing something about it. Whether you’re giving or taking it, be kind to the other person. Difficult feedback is hard on both sides. Here’s my approach: (Thanks to many mentors!) 1) Appreciate and acknowledge the work invested 2) Surgically identify the areas that didn’t work. 3) Be clear on actions to improve next outcome within a set time period. This has something to look forward to a “Happy ending”. Both parties grow stronger in the commitment due to this process.

As the evaluator, it's essential to remain calm and composed, even if emotions escalate. Your demeanor can influence the tone of the conversation and help de-escalate the situation.

The key to staying calm on either side is breathing slower and deeper. When stressed your body executive functioning is hindered so to reboot it neuroscience suggests the best method is 4 seconds in and 8 seconds out. When you’re on the receiving, take as much time as you need to respond. The other option is if you’re feeling a lot of emotions then actively listen and then ask to regroup so that you can process the information. Your mental well-being is most important and acting with respect supports both parties.

Practice active listening by giving the individual your full attention and allowing them to express their thoughts and feelings without interruption. Reflect back what you hear to ensure you understand their perspective accurately.

Make sure the other person gets "gotten". A good skill is to keep asking open ended questions until you feel like you've really understood, and then play it back. Taking notes can help here too. If you can capture the emotion associated with what the other person is saying, that will ensure that they really feel like the other person gets it.

I really like this idea of radical candor - but it is so very important that both people have build adequate interpersonal safety that there is trust built in the quality of feedback and the constructive nature of this is a given. It is so easy to bring empathy to the extent that it becomes "ruinous" so staying clear of that line and sticking to objective feedback helps.

Collaborate with the individual to explore potential solutions and strategies for improvement. Encourage them to take ownership of their development and set goals for future performance.

Maintain professional boundaries during the conversation and address any disrespectful or inappropriate behavior assertively but respectfully. Reinforce the importance of maintaining a constructive and respectful dialogue.

Use de-escalation techniques to manage and reduce heightened emotions during performance evaluations. This includes maintaining a calm tone, allowing employees to express feelings uninterrupted, and acknowledging their emotions to validate their experiences. Techniques like taking a short break or reframing the discussion positively can help lower emotional intensity and maintain constructive dialogue, ensuring the evaluation remains beneficial for everyone involved.