What are the best communication skills to de-escalate a conflict?

1 Listen actively

One of the most important skills to de-escalate a situation is active listening. Active listening means paying attention to what the other person is saying, showing empathy, and asking clarifying questions. By listening actively, you can show respect, acknowledge their feelings, and understand their perspective. This can help you avoid misunderstandings, build rapport, and create a common ground for problem-solving.

3 Validate and reframe

A third skill to de-escalate a situation is validating and reframing. Validating means acknowledging the other person's emotions and needs, without necessarily agreeing with their position or behavior. For example, you can say "I can see that you are upset about this situation" or "I know that this is important to you". Reframing means putting a positive or neutral spin on the situation, without minimizing or dismissing it. For example, you can say "This is a challenging situation, but we can work together to find a solution" or "This is an opportunity to learn from each other and improve our process". By validating and reframing, you can show empathy, reduce defensiveness, and shift the focus from the problem to the solution.

4 Ask open-ended questions

A fourth skill to de-escalate a situation is asking open-ended questions. Open-ended questions are questions that require more than a yes or no answer, and invite the other person to share more information, opinions, or feelings. For example, you can ask "What are your main concerns about this project?" or "How do you think we can resolve this issue?". By asking open-ended questions, you can encourage dialogue, gain insight, and explore alternatives.

5 Summarize and confirm

A fifth skill to de-escalate a situation is summarizing and confirming. Summarizing means restating the main points of the conversation, highlighting the areas of agreement and disagreement, and identifying the next steps. Confirming means checking with the other person if they agree with your summary, if they have anything to add, or if they have any questions. For example, you can say "So, to summarize, we both agree that we want to deliver a high-quality product to the client, but we disagree on the timeline and the scope of work. Is that correct?" or "Do you have any questions about the action plan we discussed?". By summarizing and confirming, you can ensure clarity, alignment, and commitment.

6 Follow up and follow through

A sixth skill to de-escalate a situation is following up and following through. Following up means reaching out to the other person after the conversation, to check on their progress, provide feedback, or offer support. Following through means doing what you said you would do, meeting your deadlines, and keeping your promises. For example, you can say "I just wanted to follow up with you and see how you are doing with the project" or "I have completed the task we agreed on and sent you the report". By following up and following through, you can demonstrate accountability, trustworthiness, and professionalism.