How do you use Thomas-Kilmann model to navigate conflict?

1 What is the Thomas-Kilmann model?

The Thomas-Kilmann model, also known as the TKI or the conflict mode instrument, is a framework that was developed by psychologists Kenneth Thomas and Ralph Kilmann in the 1970s. It is based on two dimensions: assertiveness and cooperativeness. Assertiveness refers to how much you pursue your own interests and goals, while cooperativeness refers to how much you consider the interests and goals of others. The model suggests that there are five possible ways of dealing with conflict, depending on your level of assertiveness and cooperativeness: competing, collaborating, compromising, avoiding, and accommodating.

2 How do you identify your conflict style?

To identify your preferred conflict style, you can take a self-assessment questionnaire that measures your tendency to use each of the five modes. The questionnaire consists of 30 pairs of statements that describe how you would respond to different conflict situations. You have to choose the statement that is more characteristic of you in each pair. The questionnaire then gives you a score for each mode, indicating how often you use it. You can also compare your scores with the average scores of other people who have taken the questionnaire.

3 How do you choose the best conflict style?

There is no one best conflict style for all situations. Each mode has its advantages and disadvantages, depending on the context and the relationship. To choose the best conflict style for each situation, it is important to be aware of your own preferences and the preferences of others, as well as to adapt your style accordingly. For instance, competing may be a suitable approach when you have a strong conviction about your position or when you need to assert your rights or protect your interests. However, it should be avoided when preserving or enhancing a relationship is necessary or when cooperation and collaboration are required. On the other hand, collaborating may be useful when finding a win-win solution that satisfies both parties is desired; yet it should not be used if limited time or resources are present. Compromising can help reach a fair and acceptable agreement quickly, but it should not be employed when a clear and strong position is held. Avoiding can prevent unnecessary or premature confrontation, but should not be used if addressing the issue directly is necessary. Lastly, accommodating shows goodwill or generosity; however, it must not be used when legitimate or important interests are at stake.

4 How do you communicate your conflict style?

Once you have chosen the most appropriate conflict style for the situation, it's important to communicate it clearly and respectfully to the other party. To do this, use assertive and respectful language, such as expressing your thoughts and feelings honestly without being aggressive or passive. Listen actively and empathetically, showing genuine interest and curiosity in the other party's perspective and feelings. Ask open-ended and probing questions to encourage the other party to share more information and insights. And acknowledge and validate emotions by recognizing and respecting the emotions that the other party is experiencing without dismissing or minimizing them. By following these tips, you can effectively communicate your conflict style.

5 How do you evaluate your conflict resolution?

After you have communicated your conflict style and reached a resolution, it is important to evaluate the effectiveness and satisfaction of the process and the outcome. Ask yourself questions such as: did you achieve your interests and goals? Did you preserve or enhance the relationship with the other party? Did you use the most suitable conflict style for the situation? Did you communicate your conflict style clearly and respectfully? Did you listen actively and empathetically to the other party? Did you ask open-ended and probing questions to the other party? Did you acknowledge and validate the emotions of the other party? What did you learn from the conflict and resolution? What can you do differently or better in the future?

The Thomas-Kilmann model can assist in navigating conflict more effectively, as well as improving relationship building skills. It can also help develop emotional intelligence, communication skills, and an understanding of yourself and others. Conflict does not always have to be negative; it can be an opportunity for growth and collaboration.

6 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?