How do you spot and stop escalation in conversations?

Be a Good listener first so the other side feels you are paying respect and attention. Once you listen to the other side, don't form any opinions. Just try to pacify the frustrations by making the other side realize there is no point in wasting time and energy on things that do not yield significant results or outcomes. Try to bring back the focus among the parties by taking examples, letting the wisdom drive it to bring a joint agreement & and resolution to such escalations. Be Humble, and let the humility & and wisdom drive such situations. As they say "There is nothing that cannot be solved through clear speech & open communication ".

I agree with Manju. I can also emphasize that active listening requires more than "listening". Active listening comes in 3 steps - 1st, show that your are listening. It could be done by nodding, eye contact, etc. 2nd, show that you are understanding. Mirror the speaker's emotion and show empathy. 3rd, and most important step of active listening is asking good questions. Good questions encourage the speaker to think wider and deeper, and come to some revelation.

In my experience, when I see the signs of escalation I try to take a step back. By this I mean slow the conversation or take a break from the conversation. I’ve learned that if one or both parties in the conversation are escalated, the conversation is going to keep escalating. When I’m working with clients, I try to remember that less words is better. A person will not respond to you well if they are escalated so remember WAIT, W-why. A-am I, T-talking.

One thing I’ve found helpful in this step is to be mindful not to sound condescending. Generally people can tell when you’re authentically listening versus pacifying them. You want to be genuine in your tone while validating their feelings. Most oftentimes, as stated, people desire to feel genuinely heard with the understanding that someone will be proactive in helping solve their problem.

I agree with this and have found this to be extremely important in de-escalation. Using your active listening skills can help you understand the others feelings correctly and also validate how they are feeling. Active listening can also help the person de-escalate as you are telling the other that you hear them and it’s okay to feel the way they do, there are better ways to express it.

CALL A TIME OUT As a leader, call a time out, the can be effective in a meeting setting, or if you just happen to see two individuals who may be getting a little heated. Instruct all to take a 5 min break, grab a cup a coffee or get a breathe of fresh air, and return. Once all have returned, suggestively remind all on what the topic/ issue was and that work towards that goal alone.

As a Cross-Cultural Communication Strategist, I often see escalation in conversations in culturally diverse teams. In order to communicate effectively beyond differences without escalation, I teach global leaders the 3-step process called "The 3A's". 1st step is Acknowledge. You may hear or see what they say, and how they say it. But WHY they say it in a way the do is all hiding under the surface. WHAT you see or hear is only the tip of the iceberg. The most of the context -the WHY- is hiding. So the first step of effective cross-cultural communication is to Acknowledge that your iceberg is different than theirs. 2nd step is Analyze. 3rd step is Adapt. Reach out if you are interested in learning more!

Breathe. 1, 2, 3, Breathe. Believe me it works. And then realize that there are two parties in any escalation or conflict and a third element- the conflict itself. Separate the issue from the personal for both parties and allow a moment for that awareness to set in. If it is very difficult, with tense emotions- levity can help if done appropriately. Bottom line: we’re all in this thing called life together. Keep things in perspective.

There are always exceptions in life that don't fit the standards or the boundaries. We should always be prepared to handle such exceptions. Even if not prepared don't repent or boil your head on anything, just stay positive, respond only, and don't react to anything. Learn to take things positively, as it goes by the saying " Fire is the test of gold, so adversaries test our life skills.

With 20+ years of customer advocacy experience, I've always found it beneficial to reset the tone of the conversation when things seem to begin to escalate. Recapping the concerns of the client by letting them know I've listened and empathize with their frustrations. Ensuring them that if there's anything I can do to provide a remedy I will take every measure to see it through, hopefully during the initial contact. These steps most often lead to retaining the client and representing the organization in an exemplary fashion.