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How do you respond to resistance or ambivalence when using open-ended questions with children?

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Motivational interviewing (MI) is a skill that can help you support children's behavior change by exploring and resolving their ambivalence or resistance. One of the core techniques of MI is using open-ended questions, which invite children to express their thoughts and feelings without judgment or pressure. However, sometimes children may respond to open-ended questions with silence, defensiveness, or contradictions. How do you respond to these challenges and maintain a collaborative and respectful relationship with the child? Here are some tips to help you.

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Reflect on your questions:

Ensure your questions are relevant and empathetic. This helps children feel respected and more likely to engage openly.### *Adjust based on readiness:Be flexible with your approach and pace according to the child's comfort level. Respect boundaries and support them in planning their next steps when they're ready.

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1 Reflect before asking

Before you ask an open-ended question, reflect on the purpose and intention of your question. Is it relevant to the child's goals and interests? Is it likely to elicit a positive or negative reaction? Is it clear and concise? Is it respectful and empathic? Avoid asking questions that are too vague, too complex, too personal, or too confrontational. Instead, ask questions that are focused, simple, appropriate, and supportive.

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Dr. Susan Swim

Executive Director, Now I See a Person Institute-Healing Underserved Populations from Trauma. A 501c3 Mental Health Agency and Research, Education and Training Institute for Collaborative-Dialogical Practices.
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In my experience one cannot say enough about the therapeutic relationship and offering children what we offer adults, a safe space full respect and genuine interest, a space for their voice to be heard, a space where shame, guilt and blame are absent and a space where they have choices rather than coercion. For after all who is the customer, the child or parent? And how to we not harm their relationship through questions?

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2 Listen actively and attentively

When you ask an open-ended question, give the child your full attention and listen actively and attentively to their response. Use verbal and non-verbal cues to show that you are interested and engaged. Avoid interrupting, judging, or correcting the child. Instead, use reflective listening skills to paraphrase, summarize, or affirm what the child says. This can help you check your understanding, clarify any confusion, and validate the child's perspective.

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3 Respond with curiosity and compassion

When you encounter resistance or ambivalence in the child's response, respond with curiosity and compassion rather than frustration or criticism. Try to understand the reasons behind their reluctance or inconsistency. Ask follow-up questions that explore their concerns, fears, hopes, or values. Express empathy and acceptance for their feelings and experiences. Avoid arguing, persuading, or lecturing the child. Instead, use evocative questions that elicit their own motivation and reasons for change.

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Chris Bassett

Executive Director at Lighthouse Christian Counseling
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When encountering resistance or ambivalence, I often find it helpful to pause and nonverbally help the child see I'm interested. If there's still a hesitancy for the child to respond, I sometimes provide some potential answers with a full range of options, so that it's clear that truly any answer is acceptable. Therapist: When that happened, how did you feel? Child: (No response, but keeps playing.) Therapist: Some kids feel upset or even angry, and some kids are confused or surprised. (Therapist can show the feelings wheel for more options.)

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4 Adjust your approach and pace

When you use open-ended questions, be flexible and responsive to the child's needs and preferences. Adjust your approach and pace according to their readiness and willingness to change. If the child is not ready to talk about a certain topic, respect their boundaries and shift to a different topic. If the child is ready to move forward, support their action plan and confidence. If the child is ambivalent or unsure, help them weigh the pros and cons of change. Use scaling questions to assess their importance and confidence levels.

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5 Reinforce and summarize

When you use open-ended questions, reinforce and summarize the key points and themes that emerge from the conversation. Highlight the child's strengths, achievements, and efforts. Acknowledge the challenges and difficulties they face. Emphasize the benefits and consequences of change. Review the goals and strategies they have identified. Ask for their feedback and agreement on the summary. This can help you consolidate the learning, reinforce the motivation, and prepare for the next steps.

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6 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?

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Lynne Healey

Clinical Director and CEO of Clinical Solutions of South Florida LLC
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Great ideas. Always consider child's cultural upbringing and be knowledgeable about how children are taught to respond to adults of authority in their culture. For instance, in some cultures a child is taught not to make eye contact, or without head of family's permission release info about household. I had a client who yoga was available for free. Due to knowledge of child's religious upbringing this was considered in her home not acceptable. Using play, therapy games, worksheets and educational videos can help a client who struggles with open ended questions. Trust is earned slowly.

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How do you respond to resistance or ambivalence when using open-ended questions with children?

1

2

3

4

5

6

1 Reflect before asking

2 Listen actively and attentively

3 Respond with curiosity and compassion

4 Adjust your approach and pace

5 Reinforce and summarize

6 Here’s what else to consider

Motivational Interviewing

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How do you respond to resistance or ambivalence when using open-ended questions with children?

1

2

3

4

5

6

1 Reflect before asking

2 Listen actively and attentively

3 Respond with curiosity and compassion

4 Adjust your approach and pace

5 Reinforce and summarize

6 Here’s what else to consider

Motivational Interviewing

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感谢您的反馈

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