How do you resolve conflict between direct reports?

A key to effectively identifying the root cause is to take personal emotions out of it; easier said that done, am I right? But try this… imagine you are on the jury for this case. You’re objectively looking for facts and asking if what’s being presented is plausible. If not, keep digging. There’s almost always more left unsaid that needs to be uncovered to bring full resolution.

It's not easy to be truly objective (neutral), but this is essential if you stand any chance to resolve the conflict between people. If you do not keep your own biases or opinions in check, the people whom you are trying to help will sense it and will shut you off. Indeed, finding the root cause is important for a true resolution, but finding out about the people's feelings and how these drive their behaviors is equally important. In resolving a conflict, I start by keeping my feelers open to identifying and de-escalating (1) strong feelings, (2) caustic behaviors, and (3) negative emotions. The whole exercise is aimed at bringing the people to a place where they can be civil to open up a dialogue towards resolution.

"There's a personality trait known as agreeableness. Agreeable people are compassionate and polite. And agreeable people get paid less than disagreeable people for the same job. Women are more agreeable than men." Wisley said by Jordan B. Peterson Agreeableness, characterized by empathy and courtesy, is a valuable personality trait that contributes to positive interpersonal interactions. To effectively address workplace conflicts, consider requesting brief emails from direct reports summarizing their perspectives and concerns. Analyzing these emails using AI-tools such as Grok or ChatGPT can help identify personality traits and underlying motivations, enabling tailored interventions that address agreeableness, logic, & cost-effectiveness.

Once we can get to having a civil dialogue, it remains critical to remain objective, including your control of your body language. To keep a dialogue evolving productively, you must remain neutral and take the role of facilitator or intermediary, or sometimes even a referee to maintain the dialogue as respectful as possible and giving both parties equal opportunity to express themselves. Your job as a facilitator is to listen empathetically and not become sympathetic towards either of them - remain neutral. During the dialogue, watch for specific hot button topics that are left unaddressed and maintain a mental note for those to be discussed later.

During a dialogue between two aggrieved co-workers, there will come a time that they will be ready to move towards finding solutions. Many times this is notable by lower voices, deep breaths, and body language. As the facilitator, this is the time to express your empathy and to remind your folks of how important they are to the team environment and how their contributions impact the entire operation. Help them move towards finding mutually acceptable solutions and set the rules of mutual respect and collaboration. Guide them to bring up ideas on things that each can do to resolve the issue NOT what they want to other person to do. In other words, what is each person willing to do (under their control) to mitigate or prevent issues?

As the dialogue continues, remember to remain an objective facilitator. Maintain the conversation on track, focused on resolving the issue and coming up with a mutually acceptable agreement between the parties. Help them recap their points and help them confirm their understanding of what each will do. If you have a mental note of hot topic issues they they did not resolve, this is the time to bring it up for discussion. Hot topic issues are sometimes not talked about openly as a defense mechanism, but if left unaddressed, these will continue to fester. Ideally, if the parties have arrived at a partial resolution, they will be ready to address these hot topic issues now. The aim is to finalize their mutual agreement and praise them for it.

It is important that after a conflict has been "resolved" for you to follow up with each of the parties to thank them and to acknowledge them for their commitment to resolving the issue. When you do this, remember to remain neutral and don't sympathize with either party - keep the focus on their commitment to resolve the issue. I also recommend for you to monitor the parties for a few days and bring them back together for a quick check-in, just to make sure the agreement is on track and there are no new issues building up. By your actions, you can show your staff that you care about them, equally. I always tell coach my managers that the most basic duty of management (I call it "the SSSecret") is to Serve and Support Subordinates.

It is good to remember that we all come from different backgrounds and experiences which form our perspective and world view. Each conflict is an opportunity to expand our mindset and perspective to consider new points of view and grow in empathy and understanding.

Change Mindset as a Servant Leader regarding conflicts and about yourself as a Human Being and a Leader thriving and striving for excellence for yourself and those you have the privilege to lead and serve and You Will Change your life sooner or later. Embracing 17 minutes a day studying and learning from books, Youtube, LinkedIn and by discussing conflicts and communication you will improve your skills will add up to 100 hours a year. But remember there is no failure as a servant leader only feedback. Or as Steve Goodier insightfully said: "We don't get harmony when everybody sings the same note. Only notes that are different can harmonize. The same is true with people.”

"The greatest victory is that which requires no battle." – Sun Tzu Your role as a Servant leader is to guide the organization toward a collective commitment to peace and wisdom. By actively recognizing and appreciating individuals who exhibit these positive behaviours is crucial for a Servant leader. You must be of service, To others in need, Help them when they're down, And lend a helping hand. When you foster these qualities, You create an environment, Where conflict can be resolved, With empathy and understanding.