How do you overcome resistance to feedback from your team?

Before you give feedback, pause and ask yourself: What's the purpose of this feedback? What am I trying to achieve by providing feedback? Way too often, mangers (particularly those new to the role) provide feedback just because they feel they must or entitled to do so. This kind of "purposeless" feedback does more harm than good.

In my experience, the effectiveness of feedback (giving & receiving) stems from trust in the relationship I have with that person. Also, instead of just sharing the feedback with someone, I first try to ask them directly about the given situation and their actions. And then, instead of sharing my "opinion", I share my "observation". For giving feedback, distinguishing between the two (opinion v/s observation) is very important, and I feel people are usually more receptive to the latter.

Here is what I have found useful: ?? Don't wait for the next 1:1 or next touchpoint or next performance review to provide feedback. Find time within 24 hrs to provide the feedback. The purpose of providing feedback is to provide the receiver opportunity to assess the feedback and work on it if the feedback is valid. ?? Ensure that you approach the conversation with curiosity. When you do that, you provide and opportunity for the receiver to introspect the situation rather than be defensive. Ask questions like - "how did you think the call went?" vs "why didn't you have all the information ready for the call?" ?? co-create a solution. Ask questions like "How can I help you as you prepare for the next meeting?"

Make sure that you are aware of any personal situation that team members might be going through. As a manager, it is your responsibility to uplift, not to distress team members. Even when a regular performance review deadlines are approaching but a team member is recovering from a recent personal setback, it is not the right time to overwhelm them with feedback. Giving feedback is not a check-box exercise but rather a deliberate supportive action that aims to achieve certain goals.

Don't forget to add the "E" part to the model - Enhance or Encourage! At the end of the situation analysis, you have to offer an enhancement suggestion or words of encouragement. If their performance requires improvement, you provide suggestions on how to achieve it. If it is a positive feedback, you'd like to praise those behaviors and encourage their continuation.

In my experience, feedback is one of the opportune times where the employee should be able to insert their reasoning behind the behavior or issue. Too many times, we are ready with a “snap-back” instead of a viable solution. In any relationship, listening tends to be received better than beating the dead horse. I always try to place myself in the chair of the one receiving feedback and ask “how would I want to be approached?”

Make sure you really listen. You listen and understand. You give your full attention to what’s being said. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of “pretend listening”, the reality of which is that we are focusing on what we want to say in return and are actively planning our answer. This way, we might miss some valuable clues, also the non-verbal ones, as we simply didn’t tune in enough.

Although feedback is about one individual the process should be a discussion, WE rather than YOU, you’re on their side and want to see them succeed, plan with them not for them,identify the cause/causes and help find solutions that are both reasonable and doable that can be monitored daily/weekly and feedback to them regularly and not wait for the next 1 to 1 session, regular check ins will show you care make it easier to keep a check of, this will also let the employee know it’s not just a tick box exercise it’s to help them develop and move forward in their career.

Make sure that the goals you are setting are SMART - Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound. I would also add here that they need to be understood, or more specifically, the reason behind them needs to be clear. The smartest of goals will loose their meaning if people don’t understand why they are asked to work on something in the first place.

Overcoming resistance to feedback is a delicate dance, like nurturing a flower to bloom. Build trust and respect, laying the groundwork for growth. Celebrate achievements and grasp their perspective before addressing areas to improve. Embrace collaboration and painting feedback as a chance for collective success. Be specific and constructive, focusing on the behavior's impact, not the personal attack's mess. Listen with open ears, addressing defensiveness with care. Provide resources, support, and opportunities to help them grow, creating an atmosphere where excellence will always flow. In this culture, feedback is revered, celebrated, and intertwined, fostering growth and collective brilliance, you'll find.

Do not give up easily on getting feedback by insisting politely step by step. Patience is prudent. Share true stories and real life experiences. Team members will definitely relate and be inspired to share their own stories/experiences that will translate to feedback. Have set goals that will attract the leaders within the team. As we all know leaders won't sleep until they meet objectives. This makes them give feedback due to intrinsic motivation.