How do you negotiate with difficult or aggressive people?

What I've found to be most effective is acknowledging the problem with the person and assure that you're there to help. Trying to keep a calm yet confident demeanor, the other person usually meets your tone and is more open to alternatives. But making sure you have as many facts and knowledge of the circumstance that led to the negotiation as possible beforehand gives you an advantage in searching for a win-win situation.

Establishing rapport is almost like a ritual during a negotiation. Irrespective of various backgrounds, culture and other differentiating factors, the first step in establishing rapport with another person is to first look at him or her in the eye. The eyes are considered the window to the soul of the person. Hence, the first body language cue are the eyes of both parties looking at each other and which sets the tone or the foundation of the rapport that you are going to build with the other person. In case the negotiation is non-visual, then the voice (pitch and tone) becomes the primary criteria for building and initiating rapport.

In my experience, it's always useful to understand how people are feeling and how their day or week has been before you engage in any sort of negotiation/conversation. This allows you to gauge how they're entering the conversation and on a human level, it shows that you care about them as an individual. It allows you to better prepare for the conversation you're going to have, adapt your approach to meet their needs and better understand their responses/reactions.

Good hospitality can help; offer them a tea or coffee and have options if they are tricky. Make sure that they are comfortable in the meeting space and try to avoid putting physical barriers between you (most commonly a desk).

When dealing with people who are difficult or hold aggressive tendencies, it is important to reassure them that you are on their side. Therefore, good rapport can increase the level of trust they have in you. It is essential to assure them that what you bring to the table in the discussion is beneficial for both parties and not meant for one-sided gains.

Most of the time they need to vent their frustration before you have a chance to talk about the issue at hand. Let them speak and always acknowledge that your are listening.

Active listening is essential to good communication. It’s so easy, especially when the conversation is difficult, to worry more about our rebuttal, than truly listen to what the other person is saying. Actively listening can identify areas where more information is needed. This allows us to ask open-ended questions, which in turn, can help us pinpoint, (in some cases) why the other person may be acting difficult. Sometimes our own bias is what is causing the issue, and by controlling our emotions, using empathy, and actively listening we can accomplish a lot. I really believe that if you can make a person feel like they have been heard, it will change the interaction for the better.

Everyone is looking for listener. In a world, where everyone is bombarded with opinions and content. People want themselves to be heard. According to a study, the biggest fear of the youth is not getting failed rather it's being left behind. And as they say, Listening is the most precious gift you can give in a conversation. Listen and seek first to understand then to be understood.

Asking the person to describe the problem from their perspective and what they would consider a viable solution can give a more structured framework to the conversation and assure them that what they have to say is valued.

When reframing the problem keep try to discover the hidden opportunities. The most of time the cake is bigger than expected and this will increase dramatically the space for a win-win solution.

To do this, you have to fully understand how they're seeing the problem and what their worries/fears are. The most important first step is to acknowledge those worries/fears and put them into context so that they don't seem so insurmountable. I agree that it is important to use neutral and factual language when talking about a problem, but it is also useful to use language or examples that will resonate with the person/people that you're talking to. Lastly, it's important to separate the people and the problem, so any critical language about the problem does not feel like a personal criticism.

Compromises are not a win-win solution, they are a way in the middle that do not match neither with your interest nor with thise of the other party. Try to avoid comprimises and find solutions which fully satisfies the parties.

When dealing with difficult or aggressive people, it’s important to remain calm and professional. As mentioned already, listen actively to understand their point of view. Be assertive in standing up for yourself while being respectful. Focus on the underlying interests of both parties to find mutually beneficial solutions. If an agreement can’t be reached, be willing to walk away.

Lightsabers. Also, “yes and”. By agreeing with whatever is causing their aggressive behaviour, it disarms and empowers you to come up with creative solutions. “I’m so fed up with your team. Every step in this project has been delay after delay!!!??” “Yes, and as result of that, our software partner is years ahead now on their product development. Your use cases are so industry leading that they hasn’t considered everything you have. The final implementation is looking to be spectacular.”