How do you manage unfair feedback and coaching?

1 Recognize the signs

Recognizing the signs of invalid, unreliable, or unhelpful feedback or coaching is the first step to managing it. Look out for feedback or coaching that is vague, general, or based on hearsay or assumptions, as well as feedback that is inconsistent, contradictory, or outdated. Additionally, watch for feedback that is personal, negative, or hostile; irrelevant, unrealistic, or unrelated to your goals; and delivered in an inappropriate, unprofessional, or disrespectful manner.

2 Respond calmly and professionally

The second step to manage unfair feedback and coaching is to respond calmly and professionally. Instead of reacting emotionally, defensively, or aggressively, thank the person for their feedback or coaching and express your willingness to learn and improve. Ask for clarification, examples, or evidence to support their feedback or coaching. Additionally, share your perspective, achievements, or challenges and explain how they relate to the feedback or coaching. Request specific, actionable, and measurable suggestions to address the feedback or coaching and seek feedback or coaching from other sources, such as peers, mentors, or managers, to compare and contrast.

3 Evaluate and apply

The third step to manage unfair feedback and coaching is to objectively and critically evaluate and apply the feedback or coaching that is relevant, accurate, and helpful. Anything that is unfair, untrue, or harmful should be ignored or discarded. When reviewing the feedback or coaching, consider the strengths and weaknesses of it, as well as compare it with your own self-assessment, goals, and expectations to determine any gaps or opportunities for improvement. Create a plan to address this feedback or coaching by setting SMART goals and actions. Track your progress and results by seeking feedback or coaching regularly. Lastly, don't forget to celebrate your achievements and reward yourself for your efforts.

4 Communicate and follow up

The fourth step to manage unfair feedback and coaching is to communicate and follow up with the person who gave you the feedback or coaching. This will help build trust, rapport, and respect while also resolving any conflicts or misunderstandings. To do this, you should summarize the main points of the feedback or coaching and confirm your understanding and agreement. You should also share your plan and goals, provide updates on your progress and results, acknowledge their contribution, address any issues or concerns, and seek solutions together. By doing all of this, you can demonstrate your appreciation for their feedback or coaching.

5 Learn and grow

The fifth step to manage unfair feedback and coaching is to learn and grow from the experience. Use this as an opportunity to improve your skills, knowledge, and performance, as well as develop your resilience, confidence, and professionalism. Consider asking yourself what you learned from the feedback or coaching, how you applied it, what results you achieved, how you overcame difficulties, how you handled emotions or reactions, and how you can improve your feedback or coaching skills.

6 Seek support and advice

The sixth step to manage unfair feedback and coaching is to seek support and advice from others who can help you cope, improve, or resolve the situation. You don't have to go through it alone. Consider reaching out to your manager or HR representative if the feedback or coaching is affecting your work performance, relationships, or well-being. If the feedback or coaching is coming from a team member, a customer, or a stakeholder, you can reach out to your peers or colleagues. If it's related to your career development, goals, or aspirations, you can talk to your mentor or coach. And if it's impacting your personal life, happiness, or self-esteem, you can turn to your friends or family for help.

7 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?