How do you manage employee resistance and conflict when coaching?

1 Understand the sources of resistance

Resistance is a natural reaction to change, feedback, or perceived threats, and can manifest in different ways such as denial, defensiveness, avoidance, or aggression. To manage resistance effectively, it's important to understand its underlying causes and motivations. These can include lack of trust or rapport with the coach, fear of failure, criticism, or losing control; low self-confidence or self-esteem; misalignment of goals, values, or expectations; conflicting priorities or interests; and lack of clarity or support. By recognizing the sources of resistance, you can adjust your coaching approach and communication style to address them and foster trust and commitment.

2 Use active listening and empathy

Active listening and empathy are two of the most important skills for managing resistance and conflict. Active listening means paying attention to what the employee is saying and not saying, using verbal and non-verbal cues, reflecting back what you hear, and asking open-ended questions. This helps to show respect and interest in their perspective, validate their feelings, clarify misunderstandings, identify needs and goals, and encourage expression. Empathy involves understanding their emotions, thoughts, and values to establish rapport and trust, reduce defensiveness and hostility, acknowledge strengths and achievements, support growth and development, and motivate them to take action. By using active listening and empathy, you can create a safe environment for coaching that will help to overcome resistance and conflict.

3 Provide constructive feedback and guidance

Feedback is a key component of coaching, as it helps the employee to recognize their strengths and opportunities for growth, and to set and accomplish their goals. However, if not delivered properly, feedback can also lead to resistance and conflict. For effective feedback and guidance, you should be specific and objective, using facts and examples. Focus on behaviors and outcomes, not personalities or intentions. Additionally, ensure that there is a balance between positive and negative feedback, highlighting what works and what needs to change. The sandwich method is a good way to start and end with something positive. You can also use the SBI model to describe the situation, behavior, and impact, or the GROW model to help the employee define their goal, reality, options, and way forward. Involving the employee in the feedback process is important; ask for their input and feedback. And don’t forget to follow up and monitor progress while providing ongoing support and recognition. Through constructive feedback and guidance, you can help the employee learn from their mistakes, improve their performance, and reach their potential.

4 Manage emotions and conflicts

Emotions and conflicts in coaching are a natural part of the process, as they reflect the employee's passion, commitment, and challenges. However, if left unchecked, they can negatively affect the outcome of the coaching process. To manage emotions and conflicts, you need to recognize and acknowledge your own and the employee's emotions without judgment. You should also control and regulate your own emotions using techniques such as breathing, pausing, or reframing. Helping the employee cope with their emotions is essential and can be done using techniques such as empathizing or validating. Additionally, resolving conflicts constructively through techniques like collaborating or compromising is important to prevent them from escalating. If needed, seek help or support from a third party like a mediator or mentor. By managing emotions and conflicts effectively, you can use them as catalysts for learning and growth instead of allowing them to damage the coaching relationship and outcome.

5 Encourage ownership and accountability

Empowering an employee to take ownership and accountability for their own performance and development is a key goal of coaching, but this can lead to resistance and conflict if the individual feels overwhelmed or unsupported. To help ensure ownership and accountability, there are several steps you can take. Setting clear and realistic expectations and boundaries, aligning coaching goals with the employee's interests as well as the organization's objectives, providing choices and options, delegating authority and autonomy, challenging the employee to go beyond their comfort zone, and celebrating and rewarding their efforts are all important. With these strategies in place, you can reduce resistance and conflict while fostering a culture of self-reliance and excellence.

6 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?