How do you manage emotional resistance from a conflict partner?

1 Understand the source

Emotional resistance is often a sign of unmet needs, fears, or values that are triggered by the conflict. Before you react or judge, try to understand where your partner is coming from and what they are feeling. You can do this by asking open-ended questions, listening actively, and empathizing with their perspective. This can help you to reduce tension, build rapport, and identify the underlying issues that need to be addressed.

2 Manage your own emotions

You cannot control how your partner feels or behaves, but you can control how you respond to them. To manage your own emotions, you need to be aware of them and how they affect your thoughts and actions. You can use techniques such as breathing, self-talk, or mindfulness to calm yourself down and avoid reacting impulsively or aggressively. You also need to express your emotions in a respectful and constructive way, using "I" statements, positive language, and nonverbal cues that convey your interest and openness.

3 Focus on the problem, not the person

One of the keys to managing emotional resistance is to separate the problem from the person and focus on finding a solution that works for both of you. This means avoiding personal attacks, blame, or criticism that can trigger more resistance and resentment. Instead, you should use collaborative language, such as "we", "us", or "our", and frame the problem as a common challenge that you can overcome together. You should also acknowledge your partner's strengths, contributions, and concerns, and invite them to share their ideas and suggestions.

4 Seek common ground

Another way to manage emotional resistance is to seek common ground with your partner and emphasize the areas of agreement, shared interests, or values that you have. This can help you to create a positive and trusting atmosphere and reduce the gap between your positions. You can also use techniques such as reframing, paraphrasing, or summarizing to clarify your understanding, confirm your partner's message, and show your appreciation. By finding common ground, you can show your partner that you are not enemies, but allies in resolving the conflict.

5 Be flexible and creative

Finally, to manage emotional resistance, you need to be flexible and creative in exploring possible solutions and alternatives. You should not assume that there is only one right answer or that you have to compromise or give up your needs. Instead, you should be open to different perspectives, options, or outcomes that can satisfy both of you. You can also use brainstorming, negotiation, or mediation to generate and evaluate ideas and reach a mutually acceptable agreement.

6 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?