How do you influence others without being manipulative or coercive?

To me you are always trying to do some combination of 4 things. You want to get the other person to know something, feel something, believe something, and do something. Getting clear in your mind exactly what it is makes it easier to influence them, ethically.

Before attempting to influence others, it's essential to clarify your purpose. Ask yourself....What am I trying to achieve? Ensure your intentions are honest and beneficial not just for yourself but for others as well. Consider the broader impact of your influence—how will it positively affect those involved? A clear purpose helps you stay grounded in authenticity, guiding your actions ethically and transparently.

Build strong relationships, listen effectively, provide value and mostly be authentic. When you come from a place of integrity, people are more likely to really listen to what you have to say

I influence others by being honest and straightforward. I focus on building trust and really listening to their thoughts. When I share my ideas, I make sure to highlight how they can help everyone involved. I also like to keep the conversation open and invite feedback, which creates a more collaborative vibe. This way, people feel valued and respected instead of pushed, leading to better connections and outcomes.

Understand Your Values and Beliefs This means taking the time to reflect on what you believe in and how these values shape your life. Knowing your values will help you make decisions that are in line with who you are and what matters most to you. It will also help you connect authentically with others, as they can see that you stand for something and have a clear purpose. Know What You Want Out of Life Another important step in knowing your why is understanding what you want out of life. Ask yourself questions such as: What do I want to achieve? Who do I want to become? Connect With Others Who Share Your Values Once you know your why, it's important to connect with others who share your values and beliefs.

The most effective way to influence others is knowing exactly what they want/need. Know their values, interests, and pain points. Then, tailor your messaging to align with those areas. I see it as building a process of mutual understanding and shared goals - where you and your audience are on the same page.

I agree that you should welcome and want different views and perspectives but depending on how you define “values” in this context, that may be something you want to make sure you ARE aligned on, before you try to influence someone. If we aren’t aligned on values, what is the working relationship scenario where I’m trying to influence you? It’s probably not healthy and some form of manipulation is happening in an underlying implied tone if we dig deeper.

Starting from what the other person wants and offering support and encouragement can go a long way in being a positive and not a manipulative influence. As a counselor, most people we see want some change. It is important to tune into their readiness for change and help them to do the same. As they better understand where they are in readiness, they can take action to move themselves forward. Sometimes we are just thinking about change, or taking baby steps, or fully committed. Pushing people is the worst mistake, even if the change is what they want. Encouraging and listening is what’s effective.

Influence, devoid of manipulation, hinges on the profound knowledge of one's audience. An authentic leader navigates the intricacies of individuality within a collective. Understanding the diverse tapestry of personalities, motivations, and aspirations allows leaders to tailor their approach with precision. By embracing empathy as a guiding force, leaders forge connections that transcend superficial influence, creating an environment where genuine understanding flourishes.

One thing I've found is that by knowing your audience you build a deeper connection. If you really know the people you're building a message for you'll find that you'll grab their attention. When you grab people's attention they tend to be more engaged. Engagement increases the chances that they'll retain the information and actually put it to use. When you know your audience yes you'll build rapport, trust, and empathy. I think the biggest takeaway is that you'll get more people to take action when you know the audience.

People can't ignore data. They also can't ignore a compelling story. Combine the two, and you'll be a powerful, ethical influencer. Present data of strategies that have led to success in similar situations and tie in an impactful story they can connect to. This approach appeals to both the head and the heart.

You appeal to all audiences too; most people lean a little more heavy into their emotion or logic and you can be a leader by bringing everyone together.

As Aristitle mentioned there is logos (logic), pathos (emotion) and ethos (credibility). Logic comes from data but also from effective reasoning. We need to present a clear coherent argument and back it up. We need to pay attention to the weaknesses in our argument and prepare to defend them. We need to understand other perspectives and know how to challenge them. For emotion, we need to bring the right emotional state to the table, master the art of using stories, ask questions that provoke the right feelings and use language that impacts emotion. Finally, for credibility we must share our stories as well as facts about us that lets others know we are worth listening to

Present compelling facts and reasoning to appeal to the rational side of the audience, while also tapping into emotions through storytelling or personal anecdotes. By striking a balance between logical arguments and emotional connection, you can inspire others to see your perspective without resorting to manipulation or coercion. Building trust and credibility through genuine communication will encourage others to be open to your ideas and perspectives.

Don't talk AT your audience. Engage WITH them. We simply can't influence others without listening and asking relevant questions. It's the only way to truly know what they need. I'd even say that listening is more important than asking questions. When we let others speak their mind, we can connect the dots and provide solutions to their unique problems.

Pay Attention The first step to becoming a better listener is to pay attention. This means actively listening to the speaker and not just waiting for your turn to talk. It also means avoiding distractions such as checking your phone or daydreaming while someone is talking. Additionally, try to maintain eye contact with the speaker and avoid interrupting them when they are speaking. Be Curious by Asking follow-up questions can also help clarify any points that may be unclear or confusing. Repeat Back What You Heard Doing this will also give the speaker an opportunity to correct any misunderstandings and ensure that everyone is on the same page.

Active listening without interrupting is key to being influential. Asking questions about their story, concerns and objectives demonstrates that you're truly interested in, and seek to understand, their unique situation. Engaging people in this way is an important step in being influential.

Asking questions is one of the most important tools in your toolbox. And it's not just the process but the kind of questions you ask. Engaging people doesn't just happen when they answer your questions verbally, sometimes a question that directs them to think about something has a similar impact. So by asking 'What would it be like if everything worked out the way you want it to?' you trigger their imagination to see themselves succeeding. In terms of listening, we also need to get better at listening to what a person is really saying. Not just their words but their voice tone, their body language, and the context they are in all give us clues as to what they are really thinking and feeling.

Yes, asking right questions which make people think and see different perspectives are very powerful. These need to look into both content and context, why people are thinking as they are. At best cases everyone learns through this dialogue and will have deeper understanding in future when facing similar topics.

From a psychology perspective, when people feel a locus of control over their decisions they are more likely to follow through and advocate for those decisions. So often in change management for instance, an organization will simply say: 'This is how we are going to change' and wonders why there is a problem. We must empower our teams to be the commanders of their own ship and feel that agency in determining where they are going.

Being mindful of power imbalances is vital. Balance these dynamics by respecting agency and avoiding exploitation. Acknowledge disparities in authority and resources. Value input and offer genuine choices. Maintain transparency, empower with information, and encourage open dialogue. Commit to ethical conduct, prioritizing well-being. Continuously assess and adapt your approach.

As an influencer, I believe that sovereignty is the pinnacle of my values. It is the liberty to make choices, the freedom to take risks, and the power to define one's own destiny. I strive to embrace this philosophy in my life and offer it to others. Every individual has the innate right to exercise sovereignty, which includes the right to decide what is best for themselves. However, we must also recognize that our choices are influenced by our incentives, be it socio-economic, cultural, or political. Therefore, it is essential that we provide the incentives necessary for individuals to freely exercise their sovereignty. This is the foundation for building society, where every individual can thrive and reach their highest potential.

The most effective way is to lead by example. When other people see you achieve something and get great results, they will believe that they can do it too.

This is particulary important while handling adversity. In times of crisis, people won't always remember what you tell them to do. They will remember what you did in response to it. This shows character and composure better than anything else. As a parent, you would handle a crisis however you need to to keep your child safe. This is the lesson they learn... by watching you. Fundamentally, this doesn't matter whether we are children or adults.

Influencing others effectively requires embodying the behavior and attitude you wish to inspire. People are more likely to follow your lead when they see you consistently practicing what you preach. Authenticity is key , when your actions align with your message, it reinforces your credibility and builds trust.

As an influencer, I can tell you that practicing what you preach is absolutely essential when it comes to being an effective leader. Think about it: how can you expect your followers or employees to put their trust in you if you're not willing to do the very things you're asking them to do? Leaders who talk the talk but don't walk the walk are ultimately destined to fail, because actions speak far louder than words. If you want to inspire and motivate others, you must lead by example and prove that you're willing to do the hard work as well. In doing so, you'll gain the respect and admiration not only of those who look up to you, but also of yourself, knowing that you're a true leader in every sense of the word.

One thing I've found is that if you want to lead a group to a destination, you need to have been through the experience yourself. I've found that in order to get people to move on what you're saying you have to be a great person example. Being able to show people a real life example of how something can help them grow is a huge win. If you're not willing to do the things you're asking others, it will come off in your words and your body language. So always be sure that you've tried, and have really been engaged in the process that you're trying to sell someone on. Don't be afraid to get your hands dirty even if it's your first time. I've always felt that the power in leading people is all about them seeing how you do it yourself.

There are a few key questions that you should ask yourself in these situations: -Am I telling the truth? -Am I presenting my request or suggestion sincerely? -Is it wise or reasonable to make this request or suggestion? If you can honestly answer 'yes' to these questions then leveraging the tactics for influence is ethical.

I believe that the difference between ethical influence and manipulation comes down to two factors: 1) Are you trying to help them get what they want too or just what you want? 2) Are you being honest or using deceit to get them on the side? If you're honest and are actively trying to help them win it's ethical influence.

Utilize the seven principles of influence suggested by Robert Cialdini: 1. Scarcity: people tend to value things more that a scarce 2. Social proof: people orient themselves by observing what others do 3. Consistency: people tend to act consistent with prior commitments 4. Authority: people tend to follow those whom they see as experts with superior knowledge and experience 5. Liking: people tend to say yes to those they like 6. Reciprocity: people tend to pay back favors they received from others 7. Unity: people tend to say yes to those within the same group

Most people can only use 1 or 2 ways to influence. However, in the past science has shown there are 6 (six) techniques to influence, if they deployed simultaneously. Let share an example: one fintech company’s website/app would go down 13/15 times per year! Each site outage of few hours would cost them $6 Million / min ?? Once a site mgmt team was trained by me….they used 4 of the six influence strategies to reduce the yearly occurrence to only 2/3 times per. A huge win! One thing the team did: each site down code was analyzed & the key developer whose code was uncovered…. Team prepared an org chart of the entire exec team where it showed the developer name, his/her managers name -> VP. This chart was presented to CTO leadership.

As a leader, one of the most important qualities you can possess is authenticity. It's tempting to put on a persona or mask, to try to be someone you're not, but the truth is, people can sense when someone isn't being genuine. Authenticity is about being true to yourself and your beliefs, while still being open to growth and change. When you're authentic, you're able to build stronger connections with your team members, inspire trust and loyalty, and make decisions that align with your values. So don't underestimate the power of being your true, authentic self as a leader. Your team will thank you for it.