How do you influence difficult people?

1 Understand their perspective

The first step to influencing difficult people is to try to understand their perspective and motivations. Why are they behaving the way they do? What are their needs, fears, values, and goals? How do they see the situation and the problem? By empathizing with their point of view, you can show them respect, avoid judgment, and find common ground. You can also use active listening skills, such as paraphrasing, clarifying, and asking open-ended questions, to demonstrate your interest and attention.

2 Build rapport and trust

The next step is to build rapport and trust with the difficult person. Rapport is a sense of connection and harmony that makes communication easier and more pleasant. Trust is a belief that the other person is reliable, honest, and competent. You can build rapport and trust by using positive body language, such as smiling, nodding, and mirroring; by expressing appreciation and recognition; by finding similarities and shared interests; and by using humor and stories. Rapport and trust can lower the barriers of defensiveness and hostility and increase the willingness to cooperate and compromise.

3 Use positive influence techniques

The third step is to use positive influence techniques that appeal to the difficult person's emotions, logic, and values. For example, framing your message or proposal to highlight its benefits, advantages, or opportunities instead of drawbacks, risks, or costs can be effective. Additionally, you can demonstrate social proof by showing your message or proposal is supported by credible sources, such as experts, testimonials, or data. Reciprocity can also be used by offering something of value or doing something helpful for the difficult person. Consistency is another technique which involves reminding them of previous statements, actions, or commitments that are aligned with your message or proposal. Lastly, creating a sense of urgency by emphasizing the scarcity of your message or proposal may motivate them to act quickly.

4 Handle objections and conflicts

The final step in influencing difficult people is to handle any objections or conflicts they may present. Acknowledging their point of view and probing the objection or conflict with questions to clarify, explore, or challenge their reasoning is key. Responding with counter-arguments, solutions, or alternatives that address their concerns, needs, or interests is also important. Lastly, confirming the resolution or agreement and summarizing the main points, benefits, and actions they have accepted or agreed to will help to ensure successful communication. It is not easy to influence difficult people but with the right skills and strategies such as understanding their perspective, building rapport and trust, and using positive influence techniques, it can be done effectively.

5 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?