How do you help your coachee or mentee develop a positive mindset and attitude towards conflict?

1 Why conflict matters

Conflict can be seen as a threat or a challenge, depending on your mindset and attitude. A threat-based mindset can trigger fear, anger, defensiveness, and avoidance, which can escalate the conflict and damage the relationship. A challenge-based mindset can foster curiosity, empathy, openness, and collaboration, which can resolve the conflict and strengthen the relationship. As a coach or mentor, you can help your coachee or mentee shift from a threat-based to a challenge-based mindset by reframing the conflict as an opportunity for learning, growth, and innovation.

2 How to assess the conflict

Before you can help your coachee or mentee address the conflict, you need to understand the nature and dynamics of the conflict. You can use a simple framework to assess the conflict based on two dimensions: the level of assertiveness and the level of cooperation. Assertiveness refers to how much you express your own needs, interests, and opinions. Cooperation refers to how much you consider the needs, interests, and opinions of others. Based on these dimensions, you can identify five styles of conflict management: competing, collaborating, compromising, avoiding, and accommodating. As a coach or mentor, you can help your coachee or mentee recognize their preferred style and how it affects the outcome of the conflict.

3 How to choose the best style

There is no one-size-fits-all solution for conflict management. Different situations and relationships may require different styles. As a coach or mentor, you can help your coachee or mentee choose the best style for each conflict by considering four factors: the importance of the issue, the importance of the relationship, the power balance, and the time available. For example, if the issue is very important, the relationship is very important, the power balance is equal, and there is enough time, then collaborating may be the best style. However, if the issue is not very important, the relationship is not very important, the power balance is unequal, and there is not enough time, then avoiding may be the best style.

4 How to communicate effectively

Communication is the key to successful conflict resolution. However, communication can also be the source of misunderstanding and misinterpretation. As a coach or mentor, you can help your coachee or mentee communicate effectively by following some basic principles: listen actively, speak respectfully, ask open-ended questions, use "I" statements, avoid blaming and criticizing, focus on interests rather than positions, and seek common ground. By applying these principles, you can help your coachee or mentee express their views and feelings, understand the views and feelings of others, and find solutions that satisfy both parties.

5 How to deal with emotions

Conflict can trigger strong emotions, such as frustration, anger, hurt, fear, or guilt. These emotions can cloud your judgment, impair your communication, and interfere with your problem-solving. As a coach or mentor, you can help your coachee or mentee deal with emotions by using some techniques: acknowledge and validate the emotions, name and label the emotions, breathe and relax, take a break if needed, and reframe the emotions as signals rather than obstacles. By managing their emotions, you can help your coachee or mentee calm down, gain perspective, and regain control.

6 How to learn from the conflict

Conflict can be a valuable source of feedback, insight, and improvement. However, to learn from the conflict, you need to reflect on the process and the outcome. As a coach or mentor, you can help your coachee or mentee learn from the conflict by asking some questions: what went well and what did not go well? what did you learn about yourself and others? what did you learn about the issue and the solution? what can you do differently next time? By answering these questions, you can help your coachee or mentee identify their strengths and weaknesses, appreciate their differences and similarities, and develop their skills and strategies.