Feedback and criticism are inevitable in any relationship, whether personal or professional. However, not everyone knows how to give or receive them constructively. In this article, you will learn how to use active listening and empathy to improve your communication skills and handle feedback and criticism effectively.
Active listening and empathy are two essential skills for building rapport and understanding with others. Active listening means paying attention to what the other person is saying, without interrupting, judging, or dismissing their perspective. Empathy means putting yourself in their shoes and trying to feel what they feel, without imposing your own opinions or solutions. By practicing active listening and empathy, you can show respect, curiosity, and compassion for the other person, and create a safe and supportive environment for dialogue.
Active listening helps lead to empathizing with the other person. By truly hearing what the other person is saying instead of waiting for your turn to speak, you'll be able to come to better and more equitable solutions.
Active listening involves fully concentrating on what the speaker is saying, both verbally and non-verbally, in order to understand their message. Empathy, on the other hand, is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. It involves putting oneself in the shoes of the other person and imagining what it must be like to experience their emotions and situation.
Contrary to popular belief, active listening is a skill that can be learned. Rather than spacing out on your own thoughts or repeating your next line in your head so you won’t forget, try this: ? Repeat their words in your head to fixate and make sure you heard the entire phrase; ? Summarize small pieces of info and validate with them if you’re understanding their point of view correctly; ? Allow moments of silence to take place - let the info sink in and allow yourself to breathe deeply before you-they say something; ? Avoid saying cliches and meaningless sentences while you listen - they’ll feel like a “check mark” as if you have already addressed that topic; ? Use fewer “I”s and negative sentences. These helped me to listen better! :)
As a community builder, I see empathy and active listening as being tied intricately together. They inform one another; giving you a true, full picture of a situation.
As a strategic alliances and partnership manager, active listening and empathy are crucial skills for building and maintaining successful partnerships. Active listening helps to understand partners' needs and tailor the approach accordingly, while empathy builds trust and rapport with partners. These skills also help to address conflicts effectively and identify opportunities for growth and innovation.
Feedback and criticism are forms of communication that are intended to provide information, guidance, or evaluation on someone's performance, behavior, or attitude. However, if not delivered or received properly, they can cause negative emotions such as anger, defensiveness, or resentment. To avoid or overcome these emotional barriers and make feedback and criticism more productive and beneficial, active listening and empathy are key. By actively listening and empathizing with the other person, you can gain a better understanding of their intentions and expectations, acknowledge their feelings and concerns, clarify any misunderstandings or gaps, learn from their insights and suggestions, express your own feelings and needs, and negotiate solutions and actions.
Feedback promotes personal and professional growth. When you can actively listen, analyze the feedback and look at it ways you can change to improve your focus and results.
When I’m building quarterly feedbacks for my team, I review my notes from our 1:1s and I realize how important it was to REALLY listen to them so I can compose a useful feedback for their game plan for the next quarter. You can’t help others grow if you’re not listening to them, their struggles, what motivates them, what drains their energy, and what matters to them personally and professionally. When you combine your ability to hear your team members with empathy - putting yourself in their shoes, seeing the world through their eyes to grasp their points of views and perceptions, you become a powerful leader. You’ll do a better job sharing thoughtful feedback and designing an action plan that’s customized and not generic.
When providing feedback and criticism, it is important to be honest, clear, and constructive, while also being respectful, supportive, and empathetic. To practice active listening and empathy, here are some tips to consider: Prepare yourself and the other person by selecting an appropriate time and place, and asking for their permission and readiness to receive feedback and criticism. Explain your purpose and goals, and set a positive and collaborative tone. Focus on the behavior, not the person, by using specific and objective examples, and avoiding generalizations, labels, or personal attacks. Describe the impact and consequences of the behavior, and how it affects you and others. Utilize "I" statements and open-ended questions to express your own feelings, observations, and needs, and avoid blaming, accusing, or assuming. Ask open-ended questions that invite the other person to share their perspective, feelings, and needs, and listen attentively to their responses. Show empathy and appreciation by validating and acknowledging the other person's feelings and concerns, and trying to understand their point of view. Express appreciation for their efforts, strengths, and contributions, and recognize their potential and value. Lastly, provide suggestions and solutions that are constructive and realistic, and can help the other person improve or change their behavior. Ask for their input and feedback, and agree on specific and measurable actions and follow-ups.
First up, as a rule, I operate with the philosophy: "assume good intent". It's important to remember that culture, language and a myriad of other factors affect how we communicate. Most of us are just trying to do our best, I find that acknowledging this immediately breaks down barriers. Secondly, create a culture of genuinely thanking someone for their feedback. Feedback really is a gift. It means we can be better, grow, & live happier lives. When we see our peers, colleagues & managers actively saying "thank you for sharing that with me", having an open, transparent culture becomes safe and accessible. Lastly, be explicit in teaching how to listen, give, and receive feedback. Model what you would like to see reciprocated.
Always start with positive feedback. Acknowledge the effort put in and mention what you like about the task done. This makes the receiver of the feedback open to what you have to say next.
When receiving feedback and criticism, it is important to remain open, receptive, and curious, while also being assertive, confident, and respectful. To practice active listening and empathy, take a few moments to relax and breathe. Listen carefully and acknowledge the other person's words, and thank them for sharing. Reflect on the feedback and criticism, and how it relates to your goals, values, and performance. Show empathy and appreciation for their efforts, perspectives, and suggestions. Seek solutions and actions that can help you improve or change your behavior, and agree on specific and measurable actions and follow-ups.
The exercise I always utilize is asking myself if I would respond the same way if dealing with the same issue, concern, or identified opportunity for advice. It's important to remember that most often people aren't coming into these conversations with the intent to upset or scold the person with whom they're meeting. There's an area lacking. There's something more to learn. There's a way to grow.
By actively listening and showing empathy, you can handle feedback and criticism in a way that promotes personal and professional growth, strengthens relationships, and fosters a positive and productive work environment. When receiving feedback or criticism, it's important to listen actively. This means paying attention to what the other person is saying without interrupting, being defensive, or judging. Show empathy by putting yourself in the other person's shoes. Acknowledge their perspective and validate their feelings. This doesn't mean you have to agree with their feedback or criticism, but it does mean you respect their point of view. Take a step back and reflect on the feedback or criticism. Respond thoughtfully and respectfully.
Being receptive to feedback is a vital element of having a growth mindset . One of the barriers to doing that I come across is the ‘ source effect’ . This means the openness to receiving feedback is co-related to who is giving it. If someone perceives a threat of negative feedback or do not trust the person giving it , they become defensive and close minded . The onus is on the giver to provide psychological safety and mitigate fears that feedback is about settling scores and putting people on the block . Equally the receiver needs to demonstrate maturity and approach the feedback without any pre-conceived biases . The overarching aim should be to move forward and not treat the conversation as a post -mortem .
While we are talking about the relationship between feedback and empathy, one point to note is how and where we give feedback. - Never yell or give feedback in open unless you have something positive to say - If you are giving written feedback, avoid using the red colour. Red indicates mistakes and it can stir by negative emotions..
Get feedback early in the process and get it often enough! It should be part of the solution discovery rather the approval or disapproval of the solution itself. This will help with active listening and empathy to the person giving the feedback and will facilitate reacting to the feedback whether it proves your initial point of view, calls for more information or implies reviewing your perspective.
The advice in this article is very good. One thing I'd like to add is that both active listening and empathy require practise. It is easy to overthink these conversations and avoid giving feedback entirely - which is even worse. Don't be afraid to get it wrong. As long as you have the intention to improve and act accordingly, you will learn and improve over time.