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How do you constructively handle disagreements?

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Disagreements are inevitable in any human interaction, whether at work, at home, or with friends. However, how you handle them can make a big difference in your relationships, your well-being, and your emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage your own and others' emotions, and use them effectively in various situations. In this article, you will learn how to constructively handle disagreements by following these steps:

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1 Identify your emotions

Before you engage in a disagreement, take a moment to check in with yourself and identify what you are feeling. Are you angry, frustrated, hurt, or scared? Or are you curious, confident, or compassionate? Naming your emotions can help you calm down, gain clarity, and avoid reacting impulsively. It can also help you communicate your perspective more respectfully and empathetically.

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Vernita Stevens, MHR, DESJ

Marine Veteran- Speaker, Author, and Thought leader on Amplifying Voices
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Disagreements often arise from differing perspectives, opinions, and beliefs, and it's essential to approach them with a sense of understanding and open-mindedness. By recognizing your emotions and intentions, you can gain clarity on your own biases and triggers, allowing for a more constructive and respectful exchange of ideas. Understanding your emotional state also enables you to communicate your thoughts and concerns more effectively, as you can express yourself in a calm and composed manner.

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2 Listen actively

One of the most important skills in handling disagreements is listening actively. This means paying attention to what the other person is saying, without interrupting, judging, or dismissing them. It also means showing interest, asking questions, and reflecting back what you heard. Listening actively can help you understand the other person's point of view, their emotions, and their needs. It can also show them that you respect them and value their input.

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3 Express yourself assertively

Another key skill in handling disagreements is expressing yourself assertively. This means stating your thoughts, feelings, and needs clearly, honestly, and respectfully, without being aggressive or passive. It also means using "I" statements, rather than blaming or accusing the other person. For example, instead of saying "You always ignore me", you can say "I feel hurt when you don't pay attention to me". Expressing yourself assertively can help you avoid resentment, defensiveness, and misunderstandings. It can also help you reach a mutually satisfying solution.

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4 Seek common ground

When you disagree with someone, it can be tempting to focus on the differences and the conflicts. However, this can lead to a win-lose or lose-lose scenario, where one or both parties feel unhappy, angry, or hurt. Instead, try to seek common ground and find areas of agreement or shared interests. This can help you build rapport, trust, and cooperation. It can also help you find a win-win solution, where both parties feel heard, respected, and satisfied.

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Lori Challenger

Chief Compliance, Ethics & Administrative Officer + Chief of Staff @ Cybin Inc. | Maxwell Leadership Executive Program Leader | Organizational Design & Culture Specialist
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I have mediated situations where finding common ground felt impossible based on the level of resentment and animosity between the parties. Finding common ground takes effort, patience, and two (or more) willing participants. Sometimes finding common ground isn't as straightforward as we'd like, and it requires deeper insights into personality, behaviour, communication styles, and root cause analysis. If we can get all parties to the point of understanding the opposing perspective, we may be able to foster effective communication and work toward a constructive resolution. Conflict can be good, but it must not be allowed to fester. As leaders, we can access effective communication tools and resources to build true team cohesion.

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5 Manage your stress

Disagreements can be stressful and emotionally draining, especially if they are frequent, intense, or unresolved. Therefore, it is important to manage your stress and take care of yourself. This can include taking breaks, breathing deeply, exercising, meditating, or doing something that relaxes you. Managing your stress can help you stay calm, rational, and positive. It can also help you prevent or reduce the negative effects of stress on your health, mood, and performance.

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6 Learn from the experience

Finally, after you handle a disagreement, take some time to reflect and learn from the experience. Ask yourself what went well and what could be improved. What did you learn about yourself, the other person, and the situation? How did you use your emotional intelligence skills? How did you grow as a person? Learning from the experience can help you improve your communication, your relationships, and your emotional intelligence. It can also help you prevent or resolve future disagreements more effectively.

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7 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?

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How do you constructively handle disagreements?

1

2

3

4

5

6

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1 Identify your emotions

2 Listen actively

3 Express yourself assertively

4 Seek common ground

5 Manage your stress

6 Learn from the experience

7 Here’s what else to consider

Emotional Intelligence

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How do you constructively handle disagreements?

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

1 Identify your emotions

2 Listen actively

3 Express yourself assertively

4 Seek common ground

5 Manage your stress

6 Learn from the experience

7 Here’s what else to consider

Emotional Intelligence

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