How do you balance positive and negative feedback in your coaching sessions?

One thing that I always found useful is to apply the 'half full' glass perspective. In other words, is to put a positive spin on something that has happened by looking at it as a learning experience. For example, if someone in your team forgot to do a key action that was required for you to deliver target X, you can use it to justify the implementation of a much-needed procedure that ensures that everything that is required is done by time Y. You can even task your team member with the design and implementation of that procedure, allowing them to feel empowered by it.

People's brains are "teflon" for positive feedback, and "velcro" for negative feedback. Even a 2-1 ratio of positive to negative feedback may not be sufficient. It usually takes three to four positive things to balance the impact of a negative comment. So rather than trying to come up with a boatload of positive comments (which may not feel sincere or authentic), you may wish to use a framing of "what I would like to see more of" when delivering negative feedback. For example, instead of saying, "You talked too much in that meeting and didn't listen well to others," you can say, "I would like to see more active listening and making space for others to share their perspectives." This way your focus is on their growth, not their failing.

Specificity matters: Focus on specific behaviors, not general traits. Example: "You could contribute more to discussions." Positive foundation: Start with a positive statement to set a supportive tone. Example: "You have great ideas, but..." Actionable suggestions: Provide clear, realistic steps for improvement. Example: "Use a calendar to track tasks." Focus on growth: Emphasize growth and development rather than criticism. Example: "Let's work on building confidence." Balance is key: Ensure a mix of positive and negative feedback to maintain motivation. Example: "You're doing well, but there's room for improvement."

I always try to use myself as an example, that way the person understands they are not being singled out and I am the 'fallguy.' It makes people feel less defensive and more open to talking.

I actually disagree with some of the statements above, as they still hold some judgment. The best way to go about it is to be factual, taking any emotion (including judgment) out of it. In the first example above, I would state something like: 'It was noted that you didn't provide your point of you when discussing X' - and then ask: 'Why do you think that happened, is there anything that I could have helped you with?' This way you are simply presenting a fact and then putting your team member at ease to let you know what could be missing for them. This could identify a lack of confidence, lack of information, etc. As you are asking 'what could I do' it makes them feel like you are genuinely trying to help, rather than criticize.

Another question you could ask is "How did you think X (Presentation, Meeting, Project) went, and is there anything you would do differently?" This makes it easier to give constructive feedback because if the person felt something went wrong, you can brainstorm ways together to improve, and also add your perspective to the feedback. This makes it more of a conversation than a lecture.

Absolutely! Coaching is all about empowerment, so asking for their opinion is key. Start with that and then elaborate on your point of view.

Take the sting out of everything. You can be a force for good by only speaking in positive language. It's tough at first, with a little practice become that voice and your relationships will improve exponentially.

Another element that works well is if you don't start any sentence with 'YOU', as when 'you' is followed by something less positive, the recipient will feel attacked. Instead, start with the object of attention/ feedback. For instance, 'Report X that has been delivered by you was inaccurate in sections Y and Z. I can see you have a lot of reporting experience, so maybe there's an opportunity to either improve your technical ability in these areas or to implement a process to ensure the data's accuracy going forward. What do you think?

Follow-Up (FUP) is almost as important as giving feedback in the first place. You need to ensure the agreed actions are being completed and are achieving the desired result. FUP will also demonstrate to your team that you genuinely care about their development, at the same time that you ensure that no further mistakes will occur.

Start with Positives: Begin with strengths and successes to build confidence and create a supportive atmosphere. Be Specific and Constructive: When addressing areas for improvement, provide clear examples and actionable advice. Encourage Dialogue: Allow the individual to share their perspective and discuss solutions collaboratively. Set Goals Together: Work on creating achievable goals based on feedback to drive improvement and growth. Follow Up: Regularly revisit progress and reinforce positive changes while addressing any ongoing challenges