Last updated on 2024年3月31日

How do you balance being assertive and being empathetic as a leader?

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How do you balance being assertive and being empathetic as a leader? This is a common challenge for many people who want to develop leadership skills in the workplace. Assertiveness and empathy are not mutually exclusive, but they require different approaches and mindsets. In this article, you will learn some practical tips and strategies to improve your assertive and empathetic communication, as well as some common pitfalls to avoid.

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1 What is assertiveness and empathy?

Assertiveness is the ability to express your opinions, needs, and boundaries in a respectful and confident way. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings and perspectives of others. Both skills are essential for effective leadership, as they help you to build trust, influence, and collaboration with your team, peers, and stakeholders. However, they can also be misused or misunderstood, leading to conflict, resentment, or disengagement.

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Mindy Stern SPHR

Leadership Development & Career Coach Helping Professionals ACCELERATE Their Careers? LinkedIn Profile & Engagement Enthusiast | Executive Coach ? Outplacement Specialist ??? Author ~"You Are the CEO of Your Career"
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In my experience, empathy is about understanding and connecting with the emotions of others. Showing empathy is an effective way for leaders to build trust with their teams. To be an empathetic listener, leaders must use active listening skills and show that they care about the speaker's perspective. It is also important to support the speaker's feelings without judgment. Even if the leader does not agree with the speaker's perspective, an empathetic listener will acknowledge the other person's emotions and let them know that it's okay to feel the way they do. Using statements like, "I can see why you would feel that way" or "It sounds like you're going through a tough time" will help the speaker feel validated.

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Douglas Noll

Helping High-Performance Individuals, Couples, And Teams Stop Fights, Manage Difficult Conversations, and Cultivate Empathy Using Advanced Listening Skills In Less Than 8 Weeks | Schedule a Free Clarity Call??
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When a leader is assertive, the proper phrasing is with an "I" statement. When a leader is demonstrating empathy, the proper phrasing is with a "you" statement. Example: Assertive: "I am disappointed that the division has not been profitable and I am curious as to why that might be." Empathic: "You are frustrated and disappointed about operations. You are anxious and concerned and angry."

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2 How to be assertive without being aggressive

The intention behind communication is a key difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness. Assertiveness is based on mutual respect and win-win outcomes, while aggressiveness is based on dominance and win-lose outcomes. To be assertive without being aggressive, you should use “I” statements instead of “you” statements, state your position clearly and concisely, listen actively and acknowledge the other person’s point of view, use positive and constructive language, and maintain a calm and confident tone of voice and body language. Avoid blaming or accusing others, exaggerating or minimizing your position, and using negative and destructive language.

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Douglas Noll

Helping High-Performance Individuals, Couples, And Teams Stop Fights, Manage Difficult Conversations, and Cultivate Empathy Using Advanced Listening Skills In Less Than 8 Weeks | Schedule a Free Clarity Call??
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First, there is no such thing as win-win. That is a phrase arising from game theory describing the optimal outcome of several game theoretic choices. The problem with the phrase is that it implies two winners, which symantically is oxymoronic. There can only be one winner in a game. The phrase has also been used manipulatively to make a person in less power feel equal. Having said that, my comments above demonstrate the difference between assertiveness and empathy.

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3 How to be empathetic without being passive

A key distinction between empathy and passivity is the level of involvement and responsibility in communication. Empathy is rooted in curiosity and support, while passivity is rooted in avoidance and compliance. To be empathetic without being passive, you should ask open-ended questions and paraphrase what the other person says to demonstrate interest and understanding. Additionally, you should express your feelings and emotions without judging or blaming, share your perspective and experience without imposing or expecting it, offer help and feedback without solving or taking over the problem, and set and respect boundaries without compromising or sacrificing your needs or values.

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Douglas Noll

Helping High-Performance Individuals, Couples, And Teams Stop Fights, Manage Difficult Conversations, and Cultivate Empathy Using Advanced Listening Skills In Less Than 8 Weeks | Schedule a Free Clarity Call??
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The confusion lies in poor definitions of empathy. I define empathy as the learned ability to read, assimilate, interpret, and reflect back the emotions of another person using a "you" statement. Empathy is emotional reflection from the speaker's frame of reference. This is why "you" statements are used in emotional reflection. Never ask questions to an emotional person. Instead of paraphrasing, reflect back emotions. These are old practices not grounded in neuroscience.

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4 How to balance assertiveness and empathy in different situations

Depending on the context and the relationship, you may need to adjust your level of assertiveness and empathy to achieve the best results. For instance, when giving feedback, be assertive by providing specific and actionable suggestions, while also being empathetic by acknowledging the person's strengths and efforts. When negotiating, be assertive by stating your interests and options, but also be empathetic by exploring the other party's interests and options. When resolving conflict, express your feelings and needs assertively, while also being empathetic by listening and validating the other person's feelings and needs. Finally, when delegating, be assertive by clarifying the expectations and outcomes, and be empathetic by providing support and recognition.

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Lauren Moodie

Lead Implementation Manager | UKG
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Balancing assertiveness and empathy is key to fostering a collaborative and supportive team dynamic. It is imperative to set clear expectations and goals while actively listening to team members' perspectives and concerns. This approach allows a leader to make decisions confidently while considering the impact on individuals and the team as a whole. Effective communication plays a central role in this balance, enabling a leader to express expectations clearly, provide constructive feedback, and show appreciation for contributions. Overall, by combining assertiveness with empathy, you create a positive and empowering work environment where everyone feels valued and motivated to succeed!

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5 How to overcome common barriers to assertiveness and empathy

Sometimes, you may encounter internal or external barriers that prevent you from being assertive and empathetic. Fear of rejection, criticism, or conflict, lack of confidence, skills, or experience, and cultural, organizational, or social norms are all common barriers. To overcome these, you need to recognize and challenge your negative beliefs and assumptions, practice and improve your communication skills, seek feedback and guidance from those more experienced or skilled, and respect and adapt to the different values and expectations of others. Additionally, you should focus on the positive outcomes and benefits of being assertive and empathetic, and find ways to communicate your needs and feelings in a culturally appropriate and respectful way.

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6 How to develop your assertiveness and empathy as a leader

To develop your assertiveness and empathy as a leader, it is important to make it a habit and a priority. To do this, set realistic and specific goals for yourself and track your progress and achievements. Additionally, seek feedback and coaching from others, and learn from your mistakes and successes. Find role models and mentors who demonstrate assertiveness and empathy, and observe and emulate their behaviors and strategies. Joining or creating a support network of peers and colleagues who share your goals and challenges can be beneficial, as you can exchange ideas and experiences. Lastly, celebrate and reward yourself for your efforts and improvements, and recognize and appreciate others for theirs.

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Douglas Noll

Helping High-Performance Individuals, Couples, And Teams Stop Fights, Manage Difficult Conversations, and Cultivate Empathy Using Advanced Listening Skills In Less Than 8 Weeks | Schedule a Free Clarity Call??
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NO. Empathy and assertiveness are skills that must be consciously learned and mastered from a skilled and experienced teacher. These skills do not arise organically or intuitively. In fact, they are counter-intuitive and counter-normative. The problem with learning from role models is that there are exceptionally few people with good skills. Similarly, the problem with peer groups is that the groups are only as good as the skills the members bring to the group.

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How do you balance being assertive and being empathetic as a leader?

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6

1 What is assertiveness and empathy?

2 How to be assertive without being aggressive

3 How to be empathetic without being passive

4 How to balance assertiveness and empathy in different situations

5 How to overcome common barriers to assertiveness and empathy

6 How to develop your assertiveness and empathy as a leader

Leadership Development

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How do you balance being assertive and being empathetic as a leader?

1

2

3

4

5

6

1 What is assertiveness and empathy?

2 How to be assertive without being aggressive

3 How to be empathetic without being passive

4 How to balance assertiveness and empathy in different situations

5 How to overcome common barriers to assertiveness and empathy

6 How to develop your assertiveness and empathy as a leader

Leadership Development

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