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How do you balance assertiveness and empathy when communicating your needs and expectations?

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Conflict resolution is a vital skill for any professional who works with others, especially in the field of capacity building. Capacity building is the process of enhancing the abilities of individuals, organizations, or communities to achieve their goals and address their challenges. In this article, you will learn some tips and strategies to improve your conflict resolution skills and foster positive relationships with your stakeholders.

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1 Understand the sources of conflict

Conflict can arise from various factors, such as different values, interests, expectations, perspectives, or communication styles. To resolve conflict effectively, you need to understand the root causes and the underlying needs and emotions of the parties involved. This will help you to empathize with their views and avoid assumptions or judgments. You can use active listening, open-ended questions, and paraphrasing to clarify the issues and show respect.

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Geovanny Vicente-Romero

Estratega político | Gobernanza & Democracia | Profesor Asociado de Comunicación Estratégica en Columbia University | Columnista CNN | Consultor | MC/Event/Dialogue Moderator
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Some people overlook the importance of focusing on the message rather than the messenger. When it comes to conflict resolution strategies, we should attack the problem, not the person. Let's stop blaming and focus more on solving the task at hand. You'll enjoy better results in all areas of life. Others will look at you with gratitude instead of fear and they will walk away being thankful to you. You will feel a meaningful sense of success as well.

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2 Choose an appropriate conflict style

There is no one-size-fits-all approach to conflict resolution. Depending on the situation, you may need to adopt different conflict styles to achieve the best outcome. The five common conflict styles are: avoiding, accommodating, competing, compromising, and collaborating. Avoiding means withdrawing from the conflict or postponing it. Accommodating means giving in to the other party's demands or preferences. Competing means asserting your own position or interests over the others. Compromising means finding a middle ground or a trade-off that satisfies both parties. Collaborating means working together to find a win-win solution that meets everyone's needs and goals.

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Paritosh Vashisht

Program Management | Capacity Building | Quality Improvement | Proposal Development | "Mentor's Pulse" Newsletter
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Adaptability: Assess the Situation: Evaluate the context to determine the most suitable conflict resolution style. Flexibility: Be adaptable, choosing between collaborative, compromising, accommodating, competing, or avoiding styles based on the circumstances.

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Geovanny Vicente-Romero

Estratega político | Gobernanza & Democracia | Profesor Asociado de Comunicación Estratégica en Columbia University | Columnista CNN | Consultor | MC/Event/Dialogue Moderator
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? Monitor Your Tone of Voice The three main parts to communication are “how you look”, “how you sound”, and “what you say.” When all three parts are congruent, messages are perceived clearly. Some research indicates that between 80 and 90% of conflict is related to tone of voice. And under 10% is derived from the actual words.

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3 Balance assertiveness and empathy

One of the key skills for conflict resolution is to balance assertiveness and empathy. Assertiveness means expressing your own needs and expectations clearly and respectfully, without being aggressive or passive. Empathy means understanding and acknowledging the other party's feelings and perspectives, without agreeing or disagreeing with them. By balancing assertiveness and empathy, you can communicate your position effectively and build trust and rapport with the other party. You can use "I" statements, assertive body language, and emotional intelligence to balance assertiveness and empathy.

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Fabrice C Houdart

ED Association of LGBTQ+ Corporate Directors / Co-Founder Koppa Lab / Board Member / Fmr World Bank & UN Human Rights Staff
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A key aspect of conflict resolution is the ability to listen. I have taped a note below my computer screen which reads ??speak less??. It is a counterintuitive action for me as growing up I felt it was hard to grab the ??microphone?? in my family discussions. However, it has proven a very useful trait to work on.

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Paritosh Vashisht

Program Management | Capacity Building | Quality Improvement | Proposal Development | "Mentor's Pulse" Newsletter
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Clear Communication: Express Needs Clearly: Clearly communicate your needs and expectations without ambiguity. Active Listening: Demonstrate empathy by actively listening to others' perspectives and acknowledging their concerns. Use "I" Statements: Ownership of Feelings: Frame your needs using "I" statements to express personal feelings without sounding accusatory. Encourage Dialogue: Invite others to share their perspectives to foster a collaborative atmosphere.

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4 Generate and evaluate options

Another skill for conflict resolution is to generate and evaluate options that can address the issues and satisfy the needs and interests of both parties. You can use brainstorming, problem-solving, or negotiation techniques to generate and evaluate options. The key is to focus on the common goals and the mutual benefits, rather than the positions or the differences. You can also use criteria such as feasibility, acceptability, sustainability, and impact to evaluate the options and select the best one.

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Paritosh Vashisht

Program Management | Capacity Building | Quality Improvement | Proposal Development | "Mentor's Pulse" Newsletter
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Collaborative Problem-Solving: Brainstorm Solutions: Engage in collaborative brainstorming to generate various options. Objective Evaluation: Evaluate options objectively, considering their feasibility and impact on all parties involved.

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5 Implement and follow up

The final skill for conflict resolution is to implement and follow up on the agreed solution. You need to ensure that both parties understand and commit to the solution and the action steps. You also need to monitor the progress and the outcomes of the solution and provide feedback and support as needed. You can use a written agreement, a timeline, or a checklist to implement and follow up on the solution. You can also use reflection, evaluation, or feedback to learn from the experience and improve your conflict resolution skills.

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Paritosh Vashisht

Program Management | Capacity Building | Quality Improvement | Proposal Development | "Mentor's Pulse" Newsletter
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Action Plans: Develop Action Plans: Clearly outline action plans based on agreed-upon resolutions. Follow Through: Consistently follow up on implemented solutions to ensure ongoing effectiveness. Feedback Loops: Continuous Improvement: Establish feedback loops to continuously refine communication strategies. Adaptability: Be open to adjusting your approach based on the outcomes and evolving team dynamics.

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How do you balance assertiveness and empathy when communicating your needs and expectations?

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1 Understand the sources of conflict

2 Choose an appropriate conflict style

3 Balance assertiveness and empathy

4 Generate and evaluate options

5 Implement and follow up

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