How do you avoid unhealthy patterns of interaction?

1 Signs of unhealthy patterns

How do you know if you are stuck in an unhealthy pattern of interaction? Some red flags are: feeling anxious, resentful, or guilty around certain people; having the same arguments or conflicts over and over; feeling powerless, manipulated, or controlled by others; avoiding or withdrawing from communication; or compromising your values, needs, or goals to please others. These signs indicate that you are not expressing yourself effectively, respecting your own or others' rights, or creating healthy connections.

2 Interpersonal skills frameworks

Interpersonal skills frameworks are tools that can help you understand and improve your interactions with others. They can help you identify your own and others' communication styles, preferences, and needs, and how to adapt them to different situations and contexts. Some examples of interpersonal skills frameworks are: the assertiveness model, the feedback model, the conflict resolution model, the emotional intelligence model, and the active listening model. You can use these frameworks to enhance your self-awareness, empathy, and problem-solving skills.

3 The assertiveness model

The assertiveness model is a framework that can help you express your thoughts, feelings, and opinions in a respectful and confident way, without being passive or aggressive. Assertiveness is based on the principle that you have the right to be treated with dignity and respect, and so do others. To be assertive, you need to use clear and direct language, state your needs and wants clearly, maintain eye contact and a calm tone of voice, and respect the boundaries and opinions of others. Assertiveness can help you avoid unhealthy patterns of interaction such as being passive-aggressive, submissive, or domineering.

4 The feedback model

The feedback model is a framework that can help you give and receive constructive feedback in a positive and respectful way. Feedback is essential for learning, growth, and improvement, but it can also trigger defensiveness, anger, or resentment if not delivered or received well. To give effective feedback, you need to use specific and factual examples, focus on the behavior and not the person, use positive and negative feedback in balance, and offer suggestions for improvement. To receive feedback well, you need to listen actively, ask for clarification, acknowledge the feedback, and thank the giver.

5 The conflict resolution model

The conflict resolution model is a framework that can help you resolve conflicts and disagreements in a collaborative and respectful way. Conflict is inevitable and natural in any relationship, but it can also lead to unhealthy patterns of interaction such as blaming, avoiding, or competing. To resolve conflict effectively, you need to identify the root cause of the problem, acknowledge and validate each other's feelings and perspectives, generate and evaluate possible solutions, and agree on a mutually acceptable action plan. Conflict resolution can help you avoid unhealthy patterns of interaction such as stonewalling, criticizing, or compromising.

7 The active listening model

The active listening model is a framework that can help you listen to others with attention, interest, and understanding. Listening is a key skill for effective communication, but it can also be challenging and difficult. To listen actively, you need to pay attention to the speaker's verbal and non-verbal cues, reflect back what you hear and understand, ask open-ended questions to clarify and explore, and summarize the main points and implications. Active listening can help you avoid unhealthy patterns of interaction such as interrupting, judging, or dismissing.

8 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?