How can you use similarity-attraction theory for better rapport?

1 What is similarity-attraction theory?

Similarity-attraction theory is based on the idea that people are more attracted to those who share their values, beliefs, attitudes, interests, personality, or background. This is because similarity reduces uncertainty, increases validation, and enhances communication. When you perceive someone as similar to you, you feel more comfortable, confident, and compatible with them. You also expect them to understand you better and support you more.

2 How to find similarities with others

One of the first steps to use similarity-attraction theory is to find out what you have in common with the other person. You can do this by asking open-ended questions, listening actively, and observing their behavior. For example, you can ask them about their hobbies, goals, opinions, preferences, or experiences. You can also pay attention to their body language, clothing, accessories, or environment. The more you learn about them, the more chances you have to discover similarities.

3 How to highlight similarities with others

Once you have identified some similarities with the other person, you can highlight them in subtle and respectful ways. You can do this by using verbal and nonverbal cues, such as mirroring, compliments, references, or stories. For example, you can mirror their tone, posture, or gestures to show alignment. You can compliment them on something you admire or appreciate about them. You can reference something they said or did to show recall and interest. You can also share a story or an anecdote that relates to their situation or perspective.

4 How to balance similarities and differences

While similarity-attraction theory can help you build rapport with others, it doesn't mean that you have to agree with everything they say or do. In fact, too much similarity can be boring, predictable, or insincere. You also need to respect and appreciate the differences between you and the other person. You can do this by showing curiosity, openness, and empathy. For example, you can ask them to explain their point of view, acknowledge their feelings, or offer support. You can also express your own opinions, preferences, or experiences in a polite and constructive way.

5 How to avoid pitfalls of similarity-attraction theory

Similarity-attraction theory can also have some drawbacks if not used appropriately. It is important to be aware of the potential pitfalls and take steps to avoid them. For example, don't assume that you know everything about the other person based on superficial or stereotypical cues, as this could lead to missing important information or offending them. Additionally, don't pretend to be someone you're not or lie about your similarities, as this could lead to a loss of credibility or trust. Finally, don't neglect the value of diversity or dismiss the opinions or experiences of those who are different from you, as this could lead to missing opportunities or insights.

6 How to practice similarity-attraction theory

The best way to use similarity-attraction theory is to practice it regularly and consciously. You can do this by setting goals, seeking feedback, and reflecting on your progress. For example, you can set a goal to find and highlight one similarity with someone you meet or interact with every day. You can also ask for feedback from someone you trust or respect on how you communicate and connect with others. You can also reflect on your own feelings, thoughts, and actions after each interaction and identify what worked and what didn't.

Similarity-attraction theory is a powerful tool to build better rapport with others. By finding, highlighting, balancing, and avoiding the pitfalls of similarity, you can increase your likability, trustworthiness, and compatibility with others. You can also improve your communication, understanding, and support with others. Try it out and see the difference for yourself.

7 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?