How can you use motivational interviewing to de-escalate conflicts?

1 Step 1: Express empathy

The first step of motivational interviewing is to express empathy for the other person's situation and feelings. This does not mean you agree with them, but that you acknowledge and respect their point of view. You can use reflective listening, which involves repeating or paraphrasing what the other person said, to show that you are listening and trying to understand them. For example, you could say: "It sounds like you are frustrated with the way the project is going" or "You feel like you are not being appreciated for your work".

2 Step 2: Develop discrepancy

The second step of motivational interviewing is to develop discrepancy between the other person's current behavior and their goals or values. This helps them realize that their behavior is not aligned with what they want or need, and that they might benefit from changing it. You can use open-ended questions, which invite the other person to elaborate and explore their thoughts and feelings, to help them identify the discrepancy. For example, you could ask: "How does this conflict affect your relationship with your colleagues?" or "What are the consequences of continuing this behavior for yourself and the team?"

3 Step 3: Roll with resistance

The third step of motivational interviewing is to roll with resistance, which means you do not argue or confront the other person when they express reluctance or objections to change. Instead, you accept their resistance as a natural part of the process, and use it as an opportunity to elicit more information and motivation from them. You can use affirmations, which are positive statements that recognize the other person's strengths and efforts, to support them and reduce their defensiveness. For example, you could say: "I appreciate your honesty and willingness to talk to me" or "You have shown a lot of dedication and creativity in this project".

4 Step 4: Support self-efficacy

The fourth and final step of motivational interviewing is to support self-efficacy, which is the belief that the other person has the ability and confidence to change their behavior. This helps them overcome their doubts and fears, and take action towards their goals. You can use summaries, which are brief statements that recap the main points of the conversation and highlight the progress and change talk of the other person, to reinforce their motivation and commitment. For example, you could say: "You have expressed some dissatisfaction with your current situation, and some desire to improve it. You have also mentioned some possible solutions and steps that you could take. How do you feel about moving forward with them?"

By using motivational interviewing to de-escalate conflicts, you can help the other person feel heard and respected, and encourage them to find their own reasons and ways to change their behavior. This can lead to more constructive and collaborative outcomes for both parties and the team as a whole.

5 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?