How can you use active listening to identify hidden agendas in conflict?

1 Define active listening

Active listening is a skill that involves paying attention, showing interest, and reflecting back what you hear and understand from the other person. Active listening helps you to build rapport, empathy, and trust with the other person, as well as to clarify and confirm their messages and emotions. Active listening also helps you to avoid assumptions, judgments, and interruptions that can escalate the conflict or create misunderstandings.

2 Identify the surface issues

The first step to identify hidden agendas in conflict is to understand the surface issues that are being presented by the other person. These are the topics, problems, or complaints that they express verbally or non-verbally. For example, they may say that they are unhappy with your work performance, your communication style, or your attitude. To identify the surface issues, you need to listen carefully to what they say and how they say it, and ask open-ended questions to explore their perspective and expectations.

3 Probe for underlying interests

The next step to identify hidden agendas in conflict is to probe for the underlying interests that are driving the surface issues. These are the needs, values, goals, or fears that motivate the other person's behavior or position. For example, they may have a need for recognition, a value of fairness, a goal of promotion, or a fear of failure. To probe for underlying interests, you need to listen for clues, such as emotions, tone, body language, or words that indicate what is important or threatening to them. You can also ask questions that invite them to share more about their feelings, beliefs, or desires.

4 Detect the hidden agendas

The final step to identify hidden agendas in conflict is to detect the hidden agendas that are influencing the underlying interests. These are the ulterior motives, biases, or assumptions that may not be aligned with the stated issues or interests, or that may be concealed or denied by the other person. For example, they may have a hidden agenda of undermining your reputation, gaining more power, avoiding responsibility, or sabotaging your success. To detect the hidden agendas, you need to listen for inconsistencies, contradictions, exaggerations, or omissions in their statements or actions. You can also ask questions that challenge their logic, evidence, or credibility.

Active listening is a powerful tool to identify hidden agendas in conflict, as it helps you to uncover the real causes and dynamics of the situation. By using active listening, you can also demonstrate your respect, curiosity, and willingness to understand the other person, which can reduce their defensiveness and hostility. Moreover, by using active listening, you can create opportunities for dialogue, collaboration, and problem-solving, which can lead to more satisfying and sustainable outcomes for both parties.

5 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?