How can you reflect on past experiences to build resilience?

In my experience, recalling challenging moments is essential yet tricky due to our memory's inherent limitations. It's crucial to revisit not just the facts but the emotions and perspectives unique to us. Recent studies suggest the average person can hold only about seven items in their short-term memory. This reminds us of the importance of documenting our experiences to capture them fully. When I reflect on past difficulties, I use a journal, detailing the sequence of events, my emotional reactions, and subsequent actions. This process not only preserves the lessons learned but also grounds me in my personal narrative, acknowledging the journey and its impact on my growth.

Think about a time that really pushed you to your limits. It could have been a tough spot at work or a rough patch in your personal life—a big loss, a serious argument, or a time when things just didn't go right. Go into the feelings of that time, what you felt, what was going through your head, and what you did about it. Write it all down in a notebook, or just say it out loud and record it. This isn't just about thinking back on something that happened; it's about digging deep to find the good stuff that came out of it, the kind of stuff that makes you wiser. Dive into this with all you've got and gain the wisdom from your story.

Having taught nearly 1,000 managers how to do competency-based hiring, examining your career is imperative to successfully prepare you for the job market. Build a library of your experiences. Per DDI's STAR model, consider: the situation/task (the issue), your specific actions (the steps you took to address the situation/issue - be careful to focus on your own actions - use "I" statements and not "we" statements because interviewers want to separate out what you did, finally the result (use numbers/measureables to quantify when possible, it can also be negative in which case specify what you learned and what you'd do differently next time). This library will build your confidence and resilience knowing you're prepared!

I always reflect in meditation or during a walk in nature. Answers and solutions always come to me in thisway. It is truly a blessing.

Regularly reflecting on past experiences is crucial for building resilience. This involves examining notable moments in your life. This may be done through various means such as thinking, voice recording, typing, or writing. By doing so, you can identify patterns over time, assess your progress, and address recurrent "problems", ultimately strengthening your resilience. Patterns often emerge from this reflective practice, indicating areas where you may need to focus your efforts. In essence, regular self-reflection is a powerful means to cultivate resilience and prepare yourself for whatever life throws your way.

For every experience, review and keep the lessons that will help you. Evaluate the situation to understand what worked, what didn't, and what you can improve in the future and move on. Don't duel on judgment or fear that you weren't good enough. Every experience we have is a lesson to learn.

Observe without judgement and accept the situation as it is and then take full responsibility for it. And half the job is done.

Once you feel like you've recalled a situation as accurately as possible, it's important to look at the tangibles: How did I feel, and how exactly did I cope with that? How did I react, and am I proud of that? What nerve did it strike, or what value did it put a spotlight on? How did I impact others, and how did they feel about or react to that? If I could do it again, what would I do differently? What would I do the same? What advice would I give to someone else in my shoes in this situation? Review yourself with non-judgmental eyes and radical acceptance to say. "This is what happened. That is why. And here's where we go from here."

The second step involves an introspective analysis of your life's journey. Reflect on your experiences, identifying patterns and themes that have shaped you. Ask yourself what have I learned? How have I adapted? What were my triumphs and challenges? How have these experiences molded my character & how do they align with my values, principles and aspirations? This reflection isn't about building resilience but about understanding your organic development and embracing your current self. Document these insights or articulate them aloud, maintaining an honest and constructive perspective. This process helps you remain whole and present, both in your personal life and professional endeavours, without the need for resilience as a crutch.

I believe that seeing things differently can change everything. Once, as a surfer beginner, I tried to surf a huge wave and failed in front of all my friends. I felt so embarrassed when I crashed and broke the fin of my board. But the next day, my friends said I was brave to even try. That made me see it wasn't about falling but about having the courage to try something challenging. Their viewpoint prompted me to reassess the event. This incident, once a source of embarrassment, evolved into a powerful lesson in resilience and courage. Reframing isn't just about finding a silver lining; it's about recognizing the fortitude that adverse experiences can foster.

Reframing is vital in building resilience, especially when clients doubt their ability to face the future. By highlighting evidence to the contrary, we help them notice that it's possible their fears are unfounded. Reviewing their past successes proves they have consistently overcome challenges, suggesting it's possible they will manage future scenarios with resiliency. And maybe it's probable they will grow increasingly resilient with each triumph.

Reframing is not something you're born with, it's a learned skill you can exercise like any muscle. Here are two ways I like to reframe: 1. Be real with yourself. Let's say a situation went 80% to plan. You can acknowledge the other 20% didn't work out, without having to feel like the whole project was a bust. Focus on what moved forward, not what stayed still or moved backward. 2. "Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." - Einstein Define what success looks like in the situation, and recognize what's probable and/or possible. Be honest with yourself. If you reframe to what can or should happen, it can immediately turn the situation around.

3 actionable steps for reframing past experiences to build resilience: 1. Reevaluate: Instead of dwelling on the negative aspects, focus on the valuable lessons and personal growth challenges have provided. Ask yourself, "What did I learn from this experience?" Shifting your perspective can transform setbacks into opportunities for growth. 2. Extract: Identify the specific skills or qualities you've developed through challenging experiences (patience, problem-solving abilities, communication skills). Acknowledge how they've positively impacted your life. 3. Apply: Use the wisdom you've gained to tackle current challenges. By applying what you've learned, you reinforce your resilience AND actively demonstrate your growth and adaptability.

Reframing, simply looking at the matter in a different way enables one to move on and solve a problem or simply let it be because due to the change of perspective what seemed to be the problem is not even a problem anymore.

From my perspective, our trials often hold the seeds of our future growth. In the last year, I’ve unearthed a buried trauma and unprocessed emotions related to it. This painful process ultimately inspired a women's empowerment initiative, turning scars into a source of strength. Another example that speaks volumes is the story behind Eterneva diamonds. Confronted with the loss of a cherished friend and dissatisfied with traditional memorials, the founder innovated a method to create diamonds from ashes—a poignant symbol of enduring connection. This venture illuminated a universal truth: our darkest experiences can be transformed into something of innovation and hope.

Nurture Connectedness: Deepen your sense of connectedness with yourself, others, and the world around you. Recognize that life's journey is not a solitary endeavour but an interconnected tapestry of relationships and experiences. Cultivate empathy and understanding, strengthening bonds with others, and finding support in shared experiences. This sense of connectedness fosters a resilient spirit, not through isolation, but through the strength and comfort found in unity and shared humanity.

Embrace the art of 'Appreciative Living.' This concept goes beyond mere gratitude; it's about actively seeking and celebrating the beauty in the mundane, the lessons in challenges, and the potential in every moment. This focus fosters a profound appreciation for life's journey, turning everyday experiences into a canvas of opportunities. It's a pathway to success not just measured in achievements but in the richness of experiences and the depth of connections. By adopting this approach, you set yourself on the road to a success that's uniquely fulfilling, one that values growth, connection, and joy in every breath and every heartbeat.

One of the ways to use is to reflect on the past to build resilience is to inquire into the conditions that brought the best resilient self in you. Use of Appreciate inquiry in building resilience is an effective way. The book "Building Resilience with Appreciative Inquiry: A Leadership Journey through Hope, Despair, and Forgiveness" by Joan Mcarthur-Blair (Author), Jeanie Cockell (Author), is a wonderful exposition of this.

A simple three step process I have used for many years to use past experiences to build resilience is this: Learn the lesson. Apply the learning. Move on. It helps to make sure to be focused on moving forward and not dwelling on the past.

One thing I have learnt from my experiences is Learnings from past helps you to create a future you want. It helps you to learn from mistakes, and make conscious choices that serve you better. I have also learnt that till you learn your lessons, the experiences repeats itself.